How often do you hear a story that makes you tearful or upset and you’re not even sure why?
Unconscious thoughts and feelings have been established throughout life. They are essentially a blueprint of how to navigate in the world with as little fuss and bother as possible.
An example would be waiting at a red light and going at a green light, all without consciously thinking about it. This is going on non-stop in many different situations.
Do you ever get thoughts or emotions springing up out of nowhere? Feelings of injustice, anger, fear for no apparent reason?
Well, these thoughts are trying to tell you something. They were established a long time ago where something made you feel a certain way but you weren’t allowed to express your true feelings. Those same feelings are being evoked when unrelated circumstances arise.
Why do the smallest things evoke such strong emotions? Think about the last time you bumped into someone you didn’t want to in the street or your partner did someone small that evoked such a strong emotional response, was it justified? Why did you lose your temper or why did it affect you in such a profound way?
How often do you say you’re ‘fine’ or ‘OK’ when really, you’re tired, angry or sad?
I thought it summed up perfectly the pressure felt to be happy all the time.
How do you feel when someone tells you that you’re doing something wrong? Even if it’s something you feel that you are pretty good at, even if it goes against your knowledge and point of view.
I was at the gym recently and someone ‘corrected’ my technique. In the moment I thought to myself ‘Yes I should be doing it his way, he must be correct. I am doing it wrong and maybe I should follow his guidance.’
Why am I scared?
Firstly, what are you fearful or scared of?
Is it heights? Talking to new people? Some people are even scared of baked beans.
. Last week we discussed where the critical inner voice comes from and how it has kept you safe from physical and emotional danger, while at the same time stopping you trying new things in case you get hurt.
Have you ever criticised your own thoughts, feelings and actions? You might think to yourself for example: ‘Don’t try to do that new thing because you will never succeed’ or ‘Drink 5 coffees to wake up’ before tell you ‘how silly you are for drinking so much and feeling anxious.’
How do you feel about saying no ? Do you still say yes to going out when you would rather be at home? or do you say yes to lending someone money when you don’t have it to give?
You might not even know why you find it hard to say no, yet you find you can’t help it. It’s almost instinctive