How often do you find yourself thinking negatively? These thoughts may have nothing to do with what you are doing at the moment but like a flash, they come into your head.
These can be thoughts such as not trusting your partner, worries of losing a job or everyone’s judgments of you.
You may live in fear of these thoughts as they come up exactly when you don’t want them to.
You just want to live happy and carefree life.
Why do these intrusive negative thoughts come up?
Where do negative thoughts come from?
In order to stop negative thoughts impacting on your life, first gather an understanding of where these negative thoughts come from.
Your life has been littered with ups and downs. People both fulfilling their promises or life not going your way and letting you down.
All these disappointments have stored in your mind and your mind is warning you of similar situations that may come up. Therefore you feel that you cannot trust anyone or not say anything in case you say the wrong thing and people laugh at you. Essentially trying to preempt something going wrong in case you get emotionally hurt again.
This is why you, seemingly without reason, get worried that your partner is going to cheat on you even though they have never done anything to suggest they would.
The difficulty comes when your mind goes into overdrive and sees everything as a threat to your happiness and emotional safety. If there is nothing to focus on it will bring up parts of your life that are important to you and create doubt in your mind that they/it are safe.
The subject of the negative thoughts is not the main focus but rather the emotion attached to those negative thoughts.
For example, you forgetting your keys. Logistically it’s not ideal as you will have to wait for someone to come home to let you in. But the emotion attached to forgetting them is shame. Feeling lost and the perceived threat of others looking down on you and thinking that you are stupid.In this scenario, your negative thoughts are trying to protect you from not only not being able to get into your home but also from others judging you.
That feeling of being judged for forgetting something originates from when you were a child.
A teacher may have shouted at you for forgetting your homework or you left your favourite toy in the park and were shouted at by your parents.
Now today, you check you have keys in your bag 5 times, even though you know they are in there, just to make sure you are safe physically and emotionally.
How to stop negative thoughts impacting on your life.
Step 1. Know that you are not your thoughts.
This might sound silly but realise that your thoughts are a part of you but not fully you.
You can choose to listen to them, believe them, or just watch them and allow them to pass.
This takes time but once you see them as not the only voice that you have, the power hey have over you will diminish.
Step 2. Start to see your own voice.
Start thinking to yourself if you believe those negative thoughts or not.
Step 3. Use your imagination and come up with your own ideas of how a situation might be different.
If your negative thoughts have told you not to say anything in a social situation in case you get laughed at like you did at primary school, instead, let’s imagine that when you speak you are applauded for your knowledge. Maybe that confidence to speak to someone new, get a partner, try for your dream job. In essence, you won’t scared to be the person you want to be.
By limiting the impact of negative thoughts on your life it will allow to see an alternative point of view. Allwoing you to spread your wings and be more authentic, free and happier.
Your negative thoughts are there to protect you from getting physically and emotionally hurt but sometimes that voice can be a little bit too loud and outdated.
You do not have to be at the mercy of your negative thoughts. Learn to see it as an aid but not your only option.
Start listening to more positive thoughts that bolster your confidence and wellbeing rather than relying on and believing the negative ones that always diminish your self-esteem.
Learn to push yourself forward rather than holding yourself back.