Why am I single on Valentine’s Day?

Love

Was this another stag Valentine’s Day for you this year?

You may not even care, life goes on you and have more important things to worry about, but a small part of you might wish that you had someone to share the day with. You see others enjoying each others company and might think ‘why don’t I have this?’ and ‘why do I even care?’

First, let’s look at why you feel the need to be in a relationship even if you are quite happy without a partner.

Society tells us that you are a failure if you are not in a relationship or at least looking for a partner.

Looking at popular culture, Disney films, fairy tales, songs, it’s everywhere. They get married and live happily ever after.

This isn’t a new thing either. Our parents or grandparents all got married at 20 or younger.

Even boring stuff like paying rent, getting a mortgage is easier when you have someone to share it with.

It is bound, within society, to be in a relationship and that you are somehow lacking or disadvantaged if you are not in one.

Relationships are a compromise however, they are hard work. The thought that once you are in a relationship you will live happily ever after is unrealistic. Why do you think that Disney films end at the wedding? They don’t show the arguments, the betrayal and drifting apart that can happen.  

 

There is pressure on relationships to always be happy and content. If you are not happy, it is your fault so you stay in a relationship, you slug it out and drift even more apart.

So forget what you have been told your whole life. Do you still want to be in a relationship?


Weighing up each side

 

Being single can be a life-affirming rewarding enjoyable experience, your time is dedicated to you! You don’t have to compromise, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want without feeling bad. You can find a self-resilience in being single and doing the boring stuff on your own.

But, just like being in a relationship being single can have its bad points. It can be lonely, you have to do everything yourself. You might miss someone being there to help you, bounce ideas off of and make you a cup of tea when you have a bad day.

Ultimately, the choice should be yours. If you take away society’s point of view, do you still want to be in a relationship?

Just because you want to be single at the moment doesn’t mean you will want that forever.

Think about what you want and who you are, away from the expectations of others. If you can work that out then you will ultimately be happier with the choices you make rather than chasing someone else’s.

And of course, if you are happy then when you do find that someone that you want to spend your life with, you will be happier and more fulfilled in your life. You won’t need being in a relationship to define who you are.

You have the choice to do what you want and be who you want. Others expectations can limit that and love is no exception. Learn to be happy and then love will find it’s way to you. If you want it to.

 

Philip

 

Therapy in London

 

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