worry, therapy london

Do You Worry? Don’t! (It’s Not that Easy)

The word worry is a well-known term in this climate.

It’s a tough time, let’s be honest. As someone in London for Christmas 2020, this is going to be a unique holiday season. Should I worry about it though? Kind of. Are there things to worry about generally? Yes absolutely! Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily.

I was grateful to be brought up on the topic of worry for GQ, and what I really liked about the piece was that journalist Justin Myers has given a candid take on how he worries himself.

In my eyes, there is no better way to understand and relate to a feeling or emotion than by hearing from someone’s direct experiences. So, I want to shine a light on Justin’s thoughts specifically to help anyone else out there trying to understand their worry.

Whether it be a big worry or a little worry, it will feel like it is haunting you.

If it is a meeting tomorrow, or that time you tripped in front of your crush in the playground 20 years ago, the worry can still feel the same.

“Any time I’m not actively thinking about the thing I’m currently doing, I’m thinking about the next thing. Or the last thing. Or a thing from ten years ago I can physically do nothing about.”

What I like about this statement is …I can physically do nothing about. This is vital as it attributes to control. Worry ultimately comes down to control. Now when you consider this, it can really help you to hone in on that worry and learn from it.

You are worried about your meeting tomorrow.

If you are worried, does that mean you feel underprepared and therefore you won’t be in full control in the meeting? When you associate worry with control, how can you take control back – how can you be more prepared?

You are worrying about your playground crush.

Tripping is an involuntary action, so you weren’t in much control, were you? What has made you think about this to worry about it, and where are you lacking control currently which has made you think about that past experience? Once you get down to why you are thinking about that embarrassment, then you are able to, again, take control of that worry and use it to your advantage.

Justin also uses the term “dread mode” which I love.

Dread, i,e. worry, and a Mode, almost like a mechanical setting or an automatic button that switches on. If you consider yourself to be in dread mode this gives you permission to stay in that mode until it either reaches a natural conclusion or you try to ignore it because you think it’s something you can’t switch “off”.

We all know Dread Mode. It’s almost a comfortable place because you feel like you have given yourself permission to stew in negativity and “worst-case scenarios”.

Don’t get too comfortable though. As I mentioned in the article, it’s good to sit within worry, but don’t let those thought’s circle you without really considering what you are worrying about.

Even the most Teflon-coated people have vulnerabilities’

When I first read this I thought well it’s GQ, this is focusing on men and the expectations of men to not talk about their feelings.

This is somewhat true, but let’s consider how every single type of person out there will try to hide their emotions in some way. We are all out in the world trying to make others think the best of you, trying to make someone happy or not wanting to be upset or upset others.

Everyone has at some point or another hidden feelings, which means hiding vulnerabilities and therefore creating an atmosphere of tension and then worry. Once there is an understanding of your worry you’ll find yourself also feeling less vulnerable.

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