Do you still miss your ex partner?

I received a question asking how to stop loving someone that is not able to love you back.

Trying to get over another is something that everyone has to do at one point or another.

You have feelings for someone that they do not share, whether you have been in, or want to be in a relationship with them.

Your emotional heart strings are there desperately trying to get them to love you back.

Stuck in your imagination

When in this position you are stuck in your imagination.

You fantasise about winning them over, how you could or should be different and what you can do to be the person they want you to be.

This is your mind dictated by your emotions and trying to come to a resolution. To alleviate the feeling surrounded by abandonment, sadness but also frustration, you feel you need them and can’t be happy without them.

Power Dynamics

Something to notice is the fact they have all the power. You only think about their needs, as your only need is for them to be in your life.

Think about a relationship where you have to put someone else first all the time. You can’t do anything that may risk losing that person.

A relationship is given and take, to put someone else first all the time is not a relationship in which you will both be happy.

So how do you start to alleviate those feelings?

You are imagining what you can do to be with them, thinking about all the good times you will share. Nothing bad would ever happen if you were with them, you would be complete and happy.

Or, alternatively, what it was like before the relationship ended, remembering only the good times and never the bad. When really it won’t be perfect, it won’t be everything you would expect, as someone only being there physically is not enough.

They have to be there emotionally too, if they are not ready to commit to you now how emotionally available would they be in a relationship?

Start living your life away from that person

Your mind keeps thinking about them, wondering what they are doing, wishing you were with them sharing time, but thinking this way will lead you to live your life feeling heartbroken, upset and powerless.

Try connecting back to you

Try being happy in the here and now the way your life is without them in it.

I know it’s easier said than done but pining after that person won’t make them come round.

Don’t allow your imagination to take hold and dictate how you think act and feel throughout your life.

Don’t miss out on good times to feel trapped in a situation that you are not happy in.

You may be trying to regain control over your life by trying to find a way to win that person over and that you can’t imagine your life without that person.

I put it to you however that you had a life before them so you will have a life now they are gone. Live it. Try to get the power back to stop your suffering in a situation that you cannot resolve on your own.

Remember, the way to start to feel better is to start living your life away from the emotions attached to that person.

Don’t miss out on good times just trying to solve a situation that is out of your control.

This won’t happen overnight but trust me it will get easier.

Therapy in London

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