valentines day therapy london

How High (or Low) Were Your Valentine’s Day Expectations?

Relieved that the season of love has passed, or are you still flipping through cards and polishing off your liqueurs? I thought it worth shining a light on your expectations for Valentine’s Day, and what it means to you.

It may only be one day, but there are a lot of opinions and expectations surrounding it.

It’s been said over and over again to either lower your expectations or create realistic expectations. But, I’m a mental health practitioner and to me, this is when you can gain a true insight into yourself. So, Valentine’s Day is almost the perfect catalyst for that!

So, let’s unpack what you expected from Valentine’s Day.

If you are in a relationship, did you expect something from your partner?

And more importantly, did you communicate that to them?

If you have been left disappointed, don’t stew in your emotions. Communication is key and just because the day has passed (now more than ever) it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t voice how you are feeling about your relationship.

Did you want 2021 to be the year you met someone?

If you wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with a loved one, this year can feel like more of a challenge. We all feel at a loss – away from friends, relatives, and even without networking and socialising.

What can be said here is, if you had expected to meet someone, ask yourself, how? Where? And when? With these lifestyle limitations in place, what have you done to meet someone?

If the answer is little to none, then give yourself a break! Loneliness is an important feeling and something that must be addressed, but it’s important to highlight the factors that are out of your control.

As I said, just because Valentine’s has passed, that doesn’t mean your feelings should pass too.

What can you do?

– Start listening to yourself.

Understand those feelings, whether they be disappointment or regret, and why they have come about. Being single can feel disheartening for instance, so make yourself aware of that feeling in order to take action.

If Valentine’s Day with your partner should have been more romantic in your eyes, communicate this with them. This is the only way for there to be an understanding from both sides of the relationship.

It’s worth mentioning that even if you think your partner was extra romantic and you don’t understand why it’s still always worth talking that through.

Relationships are constantly changing and growing, but you will only be able to stay on the same path during that growth if you keep a line of communication open.

Use Valentine’s Day as a springboard

There’s been a lot written about preparing for the big day, but what about after? Life still continues, and any feelings you have won’t go away.

What are you going to do about it?

Talk to your partner to make a plan of action when it comes to anything from date night plans to alone time plans (which are just as important for a relationship!)

If you want to start meeting people, times are tough. Are you willing to wait it out to meet that special someone the old-fashioned way (pre 2020), or, be open to the idea of meeting someone now, and online.

It may not be the meet-cute you wanted, but as we are so fortunate to still be able to see and talk to anyone whilst at home. It’s worth using that to your advantage in the world of dating too.

I feel so fortunate to be able to still see and help clients even during lockdown. Many have thought that counselling wouldn’t be as effective, but we are all able to adapt if you are up for the challenge and to make a change for the better. If I am still seeing a change in my clients, you can create change for yourself too, at home, for the better.

Having a special day to look forward can feel needed during times like these, but time exists before and after the fact. Take the time to make an effort on your life in the longterm, and not for just one day a year.

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