Feeling alone can be awful.
You can be surrounded by people but you can still feel like no one understands you or that you can’t be yourself.
Feeling lonely is just like feeling any number of negative emotions such as sadness, anger or frustration. It is a feeling telling you that something needs to change in your life.
Sometimes that feeling of loneliness can be so powerful that you find it impossible to think or feel anything else. You might feel stuck in a perpetual loop of sadness or self-hatred.
What is loneliness telling you?
Breaking free from that uncomfortable feeling is how you start to unshackle yourself from the loneliness. Begin to make that change and remember that these feelings are trying to tell you there is something wrong. So how can you start to change?
Why should I change?
At this point, you are probably thinking
‘why should I change?’
‘I don’t want to’ ‘Other people find it easy!’
‘Why can’t people just see me?’
I understand that it might feel unfair, but there are two important points I want to make:
- Realise that you only ever see others when they are having fun, you never see them when they feel sad and lonely, so you don’t have any idea about how they feel when others aren’t around.
- Stop comparing yourself to others and start concentrating on yourself.
You are the only one that can make yourself feel better. It is not up to anyone else if you can’t help yourself.
Make a start
1: Stop feeling validated by being lonely, it is telling you that something is wrong. Use it to push you forward rather than hold you back.
2: Start conversations with others. People will warm to you if you ask them about their day or what they are up to. Remember, people love talking about themselves so ask questions!
3: Try new things. It’s all about finding something that you will enjoy and that will allow you to meet new people. For example, a dance class or a sport. This allows common ground with new people, something to talk about and something for you to focus on.
4: Enjoy your own company. The reason you feel lonely is that you have nothing to do and are relying on others to fill your time and make you happy. If you start something new like a hobby, you won’t have time to feel lonely. That hobby or interest will allow you to have something to talk about and meet like-minded people.
Feeling lonely is a self-perpetuating cycle that can upset you, but also in a sense makes you feel comfortable and in control as something you are used to.
You have the power to break free from feeling lonely whilst also being able to enjoy your time alone, so take these small steps to stop you from ever feeling alone again.