Refocus your goals for Father Day

A parent/child relationship can have its complexities. Especially as you grow up and information being so readily available, you may start to notice how your childhood had shaped you. Father’s Day is focused on pure love and affection, but many relationship require work and rebuilding, so what can you do and isn’t today as good a time as any?

The relationship with your father isn’t as simple as offering love and gratitude to him on this one day. The history there can feel unavoidable, so whether you have a loving relationship, or it is broken, estranged or supposedly irreparable, Father’s Day is as good a time as any to reflect on how this relationship has moulded you to this point. And most importantly, how to create the happiest future for yourself.

Communication and quality time

Talking about your feelings is always the first step to addressing your situation. However you or the other is feeling, it is important to listen to one another and to be open about what you want from the relationship. 

Many long term, dysfunctional relationships are not so easy to talk through, which is why a life-long relationship like a parent and child can take a long time to rebuild.

Once you have communicated your feelings, whether it be on Father’s Day or not, then based on their response it can give you an understanding of what is your best next step for yourself.

Set Boundaries and Expectations

Many will find the most powerful change you can make within your life is setting realistic expectations of other people.

Once you have communicated your feelings, this is the time to reset your boundaries with others. Being parentified is commonplace in many households, and this can continue well into adulthood for many children out of habit. When these habits start to negatively impact your own life, setting new expectations is a powerful start to improving yourself.

Professional Help 

The choice is yours whether you begin therapy by yourself, or approach the topic of starting it with the parent. Either way, therapy is the most impactful way to reshape your future and change old outdated habits.

Your first priority when starting should be, what you want to change for yourself (not what you want to change in the other person).

Family therapy can have huge benefits, but is not effective if you are trying to force someone into it. Ensure your goals both align, and either begin therapy by yourself, or start family therapy both with an openness for what the others needs are.

Focus on the Present and Future

Once you have communicated about past issues and memories, then start to focus on the future. Whether that is the future of your relationship with your parents, or the future for yourself. Either should align with your new boundaries, expectations of others and what has come up for you from your conversations. 

Rebuilding a parent-child relationship requires mutual effort, understanding, and commitment. This isn’t always mutually understandable. So it is also important to focus your efforts on your own wellbeing. Not just on the repair of something with no reciprocal effort.

You can also watch our latest video this Father’s Day which focuses on an impactful and father-focused scene from Ted Lasso.