Why am I scared?

What are you scared of? Is it a physical object or trying something new?

You might not even realise that you are scared, but take yourself out of situations unconsciously that could evoke the feeling of being scared.

What are the reasons for scared?

To understand why we feel the way we do, we need to look beyond the fear, and get to the root-cause of what this issue means for you individually.

The levels below signify the chain reaction of thoughts and feelings that go along with every decision we make.

Take the example of speaking to a celebrity.

1. Level 1. Scared – I am afraid of talking to them
2. Level 2. Embarrassed – They might perceive me as  ‘stupid?’
3. Level 3. Incapable – People in the room or the celebrity may laugh at me
4. Level 4. Rejected – I will feel inadequate and a fool and no one will want to talk to me.
5. Level 5. Alone – If everyone rejects me I won’t have any friends. 

Next Step Think back to feeling rejected in the past, is this feeling the same or similar.

In this example, the reason you didn’t try was that you are trying to eliminate the chance of feeling rejected.

Can you see how this one instance can have all this danger attached to it. It is a danger that lives in the unconscious and dictates how you think, act and feel in your day to day life without you even realising it.

This way of relating to the world is made up of past experiences. It helps us to help understand the world. To some, it may seem dangerous, but to others, it may be exciting to try.

Think about the opportunities you didn’t try for. Was it speaking to someone you‘re romantically interested in? A job you did not apply for? or a meeting you did not voice your opinion in, only for someone else to look like the hero and say what you wanted to say.

There is no cognitive reason, you are gripped by the emotion associated with that event but emotionally, you are bound.

How to stop being confined

What I find useful in my sessions is to use a thought record to help quantify what is going on. 

Maybe write down a situation and the thoughts and feelings associated with that situation, to get a better understanding of why you think and feel the way you do.

When fear grips you, rather than listening to it and letting it limit you, look your fears in the eye. Work out ways to conquer them – and use that energy to our advantage.

Everyone has things they are scared of. Instead of running let’s face them so they don’t have power over us any longer.

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