Happiness is subjective, we all have our own versions of happiness depending on, for example, our upbringing and our interests. We know what will make you happier yet you don’t always follow your dreams. Maybe you have responsibilities or commitments and so have to keep following the same path. Forever dreaming about a better, more fulfilled and happier life but feeling unable to begin to make that change.
Is that the real reason or would you rather feel that the life you always wanted is there if you tried?
What would happen if you tried and failed? It seems safer to hold onto that fantasy rather than try, fail, and have the feeling that the option is no longer open to you.
To many of our, life goals seem so far away that it is scary to even try and think of where to start to get to our goals.
Let’s look at the steps we can take to start this journey.
Cognitively
Whatever it is you want, first break down the steps you have to take to reach that goal. Start from the top and work your way down.
For example,
> BUYING A HOUSE
You would need to save up and
> GET A NEW JOB
To get a job you would have to
> GO TO UNIVERSITY
To learn new skills you would then get some
> INDUSTRY EXPERIENCE
This, of course, is a very simplistic way to look at it, and there is much more to it, for example, to get into University you may need to fulfil certain educational criteria.
What I am highlighting is that by making a plan for small steps we can start mapping out towards the end goal.
Emotionally
We have the map of what direction to take, but it’s not just the cognitive that you need to sort but your emotions too.
Fear of failure
How is fear of failure holding you back?
We all try to get everything right the first time, but chances are, we are going to fail a few times before we improve.
If you give up every time you fail you will never learn from your mistakes. It’s ok to fail. Failure leads to strength. The important part is being able to pick yourself up after you fail and learn from your mistakes.
Believing what others tell us
How many times have you told someone an idea and they have slammed it, told you you’re talking rubbish and not to bother trying. It’s ok to listen to other points of view and to take advice, but always remember you may have a different opinion to them.
Adapt
Things may not go to plan. Life can be unfair but rather than being upset and giving up, try and use what life throws at you to your advantage. Learn to adapt to your surroundings and this will help you to be able to take on whatever happens when things get in your way.
You never know what can happen with new circumstances until you try. If you can use them and adapt to your surroundings, it leads to strength and growth in other areas.
Tension
You try and distance yourself from tension as you are expected to always be happy.
Whenever it presents itself we are expected to run from it, yet tension is an ever-present part of anyone’s life that we feel we have to dispel at all times, but that uncomfortable tension is trying to tell you something. The more you start to live with the tension that life brings up, the more comfortable you will feel living within it. If you can learn to master living within tension it will give you the self-reliance and strength to carry on when others have given up.
Use tension to drive you, learn to dance within tension rather than letting it limit you.
Starting a new project and following your dreams should be an enjoyable experience. Remember to have fun with it. It can be daunting but enjoy the journey as much as getting to the finishing line.
If you have any questions please email me
Philip@Therapyin.London and I will answer them in a future video
Philip Karahassan
