Therapist Reacts to Baby Reindeer

With Baby Reindeer being the most discussed show on Netflix at the moment, I had to watch the first episode in order to fully understand 

1. What is so enticing about this story. 

And 2. What relation does it have to our own lives? 

She [Martha] is attempting to seek connection

This is very obvious from the moment you meet her, but what I want to understand more of is her unfiltered need to love and connection. 

We all seek connection from other people. But what makes a stalker take it to this extent is when they grip onto any sort of kindness. 

The simple act of being offered a cup of tea is a beacon of hope for Martha. Telling me that she has rarely seen kindness like this in her life. This is very sad to me, but just from this moment we can all understand this desire to be loved and noticed and when it comes, the hope that it will last for as long as possible.

Lying is very commonly linked to seeking attention and loneliness

When you seek attention and love, many will go to certain extents to maintain it. When you feel as if your life doesn’t have much to keep people interested, lying seems like the simplest way to keep them in your sphere.

This creates a very common cycle where a lie will interest people, meaning it is working in keeping their attention. 

In Baby Reindeer, being a lawyer to some of the most powerful people in the UK is a very enticing anecdote for anyone to hear, and Martha knew this.

Loneliness is a common thread for both stalker and victim

It’s clear that Martha does feel a level of loneliness, but what I couldn’t stop wondering about was why Donny

What I understand from the first episode is that he also feels very lonely. He had dedicated his life to try and make people laugh and keep their attention. This isn’t all too different from what Martha is trying to do with her anecdotes.

They are feeding each other’s loneliness by offering the other an audience and the attention they so desperately crave.

It is clear to me that whatever Donny’s past trauma is, is allowing someone – however toxic they are – to stick around for his own desire for love and acceptance.

What i’m getting from the show is a very interesting dynamic of a stalker, who acts as the very black and white villain in this narrative, and a victim who is open to fuelling this toxic relationship in order to feed his own need for love, attention and acceptance.  

This tells me that Donny has not faced past traumas as he is turning to short-term relief from his fears and negative thoughts. The attention he is receiving acts as a distraction from what he hasn’t yet faced.

This acts as a very important lesson not just as what should and shouldn’t be done in a stalker dynamic. Instead, how it can spiral if two people are looking to find relief from their own lives, but at the detriment of the other.