How often do you look around and see others exuding confidence and you wonder why you can’t be like that. They don’t have this cloud of fear or shyness hanging over their heads, but why is that?
Why can they do it whereas you’re gripped by anxiety about being judged?
The evolutionary, biological reason.
Evolutionarily, you don’t want to be noticed and you are protecting yourself in order to be safe so a predator doesn’t come and eat you.
Then, later on, our social circles were a lot smaller. Hundreds of years ago if you made a fool of yourself, everyone in the village would know about it.
Today, chances are you are not going to see the same people every day, and if you do they don’t hold onto that judgement in the same way.
From years of evolution fear is trying to protect you from shame, abandonment and emotional pain, it is outdated but still grips you in an emotional and biological way. This might be the reason but what can you do about it?
1. See the fear
The reason that you are not confident is that you are trying to outrun the fear. The fear protects you, but on the other hand, can debilitate you.
If you accept and understand the function of fear you can learn to notice it in these situations and even start to use that emotional and tense energy in a more positive way.
2. Love and trust yourself
It’s normal to look at others and to see how they look act or say and to beat yourself up, why I , thinner better looking, more intelligent or funny? It can be anything, any excuse as to why you are not confident but they are. However, the only thing they have is self-respect and love for themselves. They see their own value and so should you. They realise people want them around and respect their opinion and that in order to achieve anything, you are going to have to fail a few times in order to master it.
You have what it takes! Because if you weren’t up to the task you wouldn’t be searching for this topic.
3. Know what you want
Do you want to make friends? Get a new job or find a partner? Think about what it is that you want, then you won’t just be thinking about it. Know what direction you want to take, know that people are interested in what you have to say and that you have what it takes to achieve your goals if you put the work in.
4. Test yourself and get used to failing
You are not going to do everything right the first time, you might say the wrong thing or make a mistake. That’s OK. No one remembers the failures as long as you don’t, and in the process, you would have learnt what’s right and wrong. It’s your ability to pick yourself up and start again that makes confident people different. If you keep on trying and pushing you will succeed in the end and be confident in your ability.
5. You are not the problem
You might think you are but you are not, you have the ability to change and be confident. Understand what you are scared of and embrace that tense, scared emotion that comes up until it just diminishes. Keep on going and eventually, you will become more than the anxiety and confidence will ensue.
Confidence is achievable. Labelling yourself as not being confident has been a part of your life and identity for so long that you probably believe it’s true. If you put the work in however you can be more confident in yourself.