Lying to yourself is a short-term action that can make you feel safe, but in the long term means further lies and living in a false reality. It can also be a very lonely existence!
The main reason why you lie is to defuse tension, get out of trouble or to make yourself feel better. It can become so natural that you don’t even realise that you are doing it.
This lying, is an automatic response to any tense situation to make yourself feel a little bit better. So, when you feel like this on your own you lie to stop feeling tense, anxious or sad.
Why do you lie to others?
The first step to stop lying to yourself is to notice the triggers which cause you to lie to others.
This could be when you’re trying to impress someone when you are in trouble or you feel upset in general.
Notice what you say to others or how you act when you lie to them.
Notice your feelings
Once you know why it is you lie to others, Step two is to notice when those same feelings of anxiety or tension come up.
Do you always try and paint a picture of success in your mind, or sugarcoat the truth?
Learn to cope with anxiety
Step two is rather than lying to yourself learn how to sit with those hard to deal with feelings. If you start acknowledging them as a positive, then you won’t need to try to get rid of them.
So, rather than seeing these feelings as something to run away from, let’s see them for what they were made for. This leads us to Step four, which is to use those difficult feelings to better your life.
Listen to the message of your feelings
The reason why you try to escape these feelings is that you have never been told what to do with them.
You might have only ever been told that they’re bad and that you need to get rid of them to feel happy.
In reality, these feelings are trying to show you what to fix to create happiness in your life.
Start using those hard to deal with feelings to learn from your mistakes, stop being scared to fail and start to create a plan to better your life.