This week I’d like to talk about who you are. Personal growth can usually focus on who you want to be, but rarely on the lessons of who you once were.
This all sounds a little existential, but I find myself explaining this concept over and over again, and it doesn’t matter the background, issues, or experiences.
This especially comes up in the context of relationships and the idealisms of a ‘partner for life’.
Who you were.
When I see a client, our end-game is for them to be the best and happiest version of themself. That means dealing with your past actions, experiences and behaviours. This idea of ‘Don’t look back’ goes out the window if you want to create permanent change in your life.
I always want to delve into what happened in your past life to bring you to the present, but what I want to shine a light on right now is to consider who you used to be. What drove you, what made you smile, what were your dreams in life?
Who you are.
When you think about who you are right now as a person compared to your past-self, it must be pretty different to how you used to be. Whether that is how you would react in a certain situation, to how you approach a decision or task.
There are many events and experiences – small or big – that have led you to being the person you are now – almost like Peter Pan’s shadow being an exact silhouette, but still with it’s own free will and expression.
I believe this is important for people to acknowledge because if we don’t accept that we are all going through changes, you will then expect the world to change around you to suit your own wants and needs.
Who you will become.
Now, you cannot fully decide this fate for yourself, but you can drive into the skid to give yourself the best chance at success in life.
Finding happiness also means listening to yourself but also to others and to what is going on around you.
A partner is only a partner for life if you believe in the decisions you make for your happiness, but also understanding that others are doing the same dance as you. I talk about this a lot on the topic of relationships and couple counselling – but this is vital in any successful partnership, whether it be romantic, professional or even just amicable. Personal growth only develops for the better once you pay attention to your constant changes and also everyone elses.
So, what changes have come to your life and how can you make them for the better?