https://www.therapyin.london/blog/ted-lasso-therapy-and-the-weight-of-the-world 2024-08-16T16:30:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/EdDuqQ5zj4E/hqdefault.jpg Ted Lasso in Therapy / Rebecca's Revelation Scene | Therapist Reaction Ted Lasso does a fantastic job at portraying various mental health ailments throughout the show. The episode Season 2 Episode 10 specifically, poignantly depicts the character of Ted Lasso grappling with unresolved personal issues, highlighting the significant impact of past experiences on present-day life. The Richmond FC’s in-house therapist is very patient with Ted as he mocks the idea of therapy many times (something I hear a lot) even though he himself is dealing with anxiety attacks on several occasions. In this episode, he finally does find solace in opening up to the therapist about his past issues. Ted’s journey serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of seeking professional help to process difficult emotions and develop effective coping strategies. This is a great representation of how TV and Film can address mental health with sensitivity and authenticity. By normalising conversations about therapy and emotional well-being, we can create a more supportive environment for individuals to prioritise their mental health. The video focuses on a scene where Ted Lasso opens up about his dad to his therapist. It’s a powerful moment. Unresolved issues can have a massive impact on our lives. Ted’s relationship with his dad has shaped his entire worldview, and it’s affecting how he shows up in his current relationships. This is something we can all relate to. Past experiences can leave their mark as many longterm issues such as: Anxiety – either; generalised, social, separation or many other forms of anxiety. Even more severe issues that require deeper addressing and understanding: Trauma PTSD Depression Anxiety or Panic Attacks (Just like Ted) Another key takeaway is the importance of emotional expression. Ted’s therapist creates a safe space for him to share his feelings and allows him to open up in his own time. It’s clear how much relief he gets from just being heard. It’s a reminder that talking about our emotions is crucial for our mental well-being... https://www.youtube.com/embed/EdDuqQ5zj4E 2024-08-16T16:30:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/will-chat-gpt-and-ai-replace-therapists-video 2024-07-05T17:30:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/0L2uDbM_N-Q/hqdefault.jpg Is Chat Gpt Better Than Therapy? |Chat GPT and AI vs Therapy | Could AI take my job!? It’s been a common topic whether AI and Chat GPT is intelligent enough to replace therapists in the mental health industry. Many people may even feel like they can receive the same information and tools by asking AI the same questions. The intelligence of technology can indeed answer your questions with impressive accuracy, yet it is missing one vital thing. This being the ability to read between the lines. You may ask a specific question which will be answered based on a huge backlog of online history, but what if you are asking the wrong question? The most important aspects of successful therapy includes several elements: The therapist and client relationship . This connection is the root of why you want to continue therapy, feeling you have the space to open up, and to have full trust in your therapists responses and understanding of your issues. Reading between the lines. If you have had therapy, you will likely have found yourself saying one thing, but it taking a few sessions to reach a completely different conclusion. This is from a good therapist being about to steer you in the right direction with the right questions. With this in mind, there some things that AI can do, and cannot do. It can give you the tools to repair something in your life, but sometimes too many options can be overwhelming. When you’re handed these tools, you still need the encouragement to take that first step – which is often the hardest. It can learn and recite information from all past theories and studies, but it has nowhere else to go. If we rely on AI to feed us information and stop learning ourselves organically, through life experiences, then AI will have nothing else to learn. Watch our full video where Chat GPT answers some common questions asked during therapy: Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/0L2uDbM_N-Q 2024-07-05T17:30:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/is-severance-a-good-idea-how-would-it-work-video 2024-07-12T17:30:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/T-zIK753KhI/hqdefault.jpg Severance is more relatable than we think! Therapist Reacts The concept of being ‘severed’ in the Apple TV+ show, Severance, is that a large corporation, Lumon, requires certain employees to undergo a procedure where their personal and past memories are removed every time they step into the Lumon building. This idea that you could unlink your personal and work memories is discussed at depth by anyone that has watched the show. The show plays a huge role in questioning our identities Identity plays an important role in every decision we make. When we understand our identity, we use past experiences, decisions and habits to make future decisions too. When you take away those personal memories, what is left of your identity and what is your motivation? We see Helly in the first episode of Severance when she is introduced to her new role at Lumon. She is also essentially introduced to herself again – her new self at the company. She is instinctually in fight or flight mode. We can then gather that she understands basic concepts like safety and danger. Helly then meets her colleagues who have seemingly been there for a while and have grown contentment for their lives. This begs the existential question of, what is their motivation?  In reality, we often work to live, and live to work. Each motivates the other. Whether it is to put food on the table or provide for your family. To work doing your hobby or to just find enjoyment out of the simpler things in life. When you filter out the bad memories and distractions from doing your best work, you can find yourself with less distractions and almost a tunnel vision approach to completing your tasks. You are also however filtering out past mistakes, or lessons that can be the reason you succeed this time around. The same can be said for your happy, positive memories and experiences.  The joy you feel from things you love are a powerful motivator for you to do the things you love. But they also fuel you to complete the more mundane tasks you have to get through, so without that passi... https://www.youtube.com/embed/T-zIK753KhI 2024-07-12T17:30:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/the-bear-fishes-a-real-insight-into-the-berzatto-family 2024-07-26T17:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dmqG4FQdRs8/hqdefault.jpg The Bear, Therapist Reacts Fishes Episode (Season 2 Episode 6) Toxic Family Dynamics? The Bear has been a phenomenon for Disney. When the new season was released it was all anyone could talk about. I completely understand as if there is one thing that will almost always draw me in, is to see passion and a love for something. In The Bear , all you get to see is unfiltered passion for cooking and food. You also get to see the detriment of that passion, whether it be good or bad. Instead of watching an episode from the new season of The Bear, one episode from Season 2 really stuck with me. Fishes . Every episode of the show seems to be its own stand-out short film in a way, but Fishes surprised me for many reasons. Firstly, the amount of star-studded cameos in this episode was unbelievable. Secondly that the entire episode was set within one house and that the entire house is full of emotions. You have everyone in the house going through their own issues and their own way of handling the family dynamic. When we get to first see the infamous Berzatto family mother (played by Jamie Lee Curtis), she is absolutely frantic. She is adamant that she must cook the ‘traditional’ 7 Fishes meal for Christmas dinner, and no one is to help her.  But, apparently she is distraught that no one ever ‘lifted a finger’ to help to neither. This seems very paradoxical, but all I could see is a very clear root of many of her children’s issues Mikey You have Mikey, who still lives at home with his mum so clearly has had to be in the thick of her highs and lows for a while. His way of dealing with this is to essentially let her do her thing. He doesn’t want to acknowledge or address any negative emotions in the house. Mikey repeats anecdotes to distract from his lack of attempt to do anything progressive with his life. He hides his depression behind belittling others to give the front of him being confident and egocentric. Natalie (Sugar) The episode opens with Natalie talking to Mikey about her anxieties around her mum. This sets her up perfectly as the ‘fixer’ child. Nata... https://www.youtube.com/embed/dmqG4FQdRs8 2024-07-26T17:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/what-can-inside-out-2-teach-us-about-puberty 2024-06-21T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/mYIySXXdXjw/hqdefault.jpg Therapist Analysis of Inside Out 2 Trailer | Puberty and New Emotions! Pixar released Inside Out in 2015. Told from the perspective of the emotions that influence her actions, it is the story of how 11-year-old Riley deals with her world being turned upside down when her family moves to a new city. An entertaining film, it is an insightful look into the inner workings of a child’s mind. Inside Out 2 comes out on the 14th of June, with 13-year-old Riley grappling with the onset of puberty and the new emotions that brings. Let’s look at the new emotions introduced in the trailer and what they can tell us about puberty. Anxiety Anxiety is the first new emotion we’re introduced to. Anxiety is trying to get Riley motivated to do something, but she’s not really sure what the next step is. Which is the thing about anxiety. It’s there trying to help, but it doesn’t know how to do it. Although we think of anxiety as a negative emotion, it can be helpful. It helps us question ourselves, check in with ourselves that we’re doing the right thing in the right situation. We all experience healthy levels of anxiety, it’s important not to confuse that with higher levels that may show anxiety disorders . Envy Next up, envy! Although people use envy and jealousy interchangeably, they are different. Envy isn’t the feeling of being jealous or angry over something you want, but don’t have. It’s a way of looking around you and relating to parts of other people. Of empathising and wanting to have what others have. It can be motivational. If we’re not feeling good enough right now, it can drive us to build something that we want. Without taking it away from someone else. Ennui Ennui isn’t the same as boredom. Ennui is a combined sense of tiredness, boredom and dissatisfaction. In puberty it’s common to feel out of sorts, unsure of what we want or how to get it. This isn’t just an emotional connection to puberty, but to how we change physically. We get taller, our appearance changes, we feel morose and tired because our bodies are going through so much. Ther... https://www.youtube.com/embed/mYIySXXdXjw 2024-06-21T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/therapist-reacts-queen-charlotte-a-bridgerton-story 2024-06-11T11:16:27.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wvf_98QbagA/hqdefault.jpg Queen Charlotte A Bridgerton Story | Therapist Reaction to King George With a new season of Bridgerton approaching, let’s take a look at the conversations surrounding Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story. The topic of mental health frequently arises in the show. One of the main protagonists, King George, is otherwise known as “the mad King”. But what does this mean? What did it mean to be “mad” back then? Was there treatment available for his mental health issues? What mental health symptoms does King George exhibit? Throughout Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story, King George exhibits a range of behaviours that suggest underlying mental health conditions. His intense fixation on solitary activities, such as spending excessive time in the observatory, could be indicative of autism spectrum disorders , where individuals often have focused interests and find comfort in routine. The King’s behaviour reflects a belief that everything he does is correct, and those around him are too fearful to challenge him. This raises the question: is this a mental health issue or the result of a lifetime of being told he is infallible?  His inability to connect emotionally with others, shutting down when they display emotion, and lack of self-care—such as running in the cold at night without shoes—highlight a significant disconnect from reality, suggesting delusions and paranoia. These behaviours align with psychotic episodes or mania, characterised by high energy, delusions, and eventually a severe crash into exhaustion. The role of Queen Charlotte Queen Charlotte’s intelligence and compassion play a crucial role in managing King George’s condition. Her ability to provide him with calm, love, and a safe space demonstrates a deep understanding of his needs. Even if she doesn’t fully grasp the nature of his illness. Her desperation and confusion about what’s wrong with George—and her tendency to blame herself—reflect the broader historical and ongoing struggle to understand mental health issues. Mental health: historically underestimated  Historically, a... https://www.youtube.com/embed/wvf_98QbagA 2024-06-11T11:16:27.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/youtube-mental-health-5000-subscribers 2023-08-11T20:46:48.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wfnTs-E0Rcs/hqdefault.jpg Therapist Reacts to Bojack Horseman Our Youtube channel has almost reached 5000 subscribers on YouTube! Our channel has been a great source of mental health support for those who are trying to understand themselves better and want to improve the quality of their lives. Here’s a summary of our top 5 most viewed videos: 1. Bojack Horseman is a story about the pursuit of happiness, which is why it resonates with so many people. As mentioned in the video, one of the most relatable themes is seeking parental validation. No matter what our relationship with our parents is like, we crave their approval and want to feel seen. Throughout our lives, we hold onto the hope that things will get better. When our parents pass away we might mourn losing the potential the relationship had even if they never offer us any mental health support. Due to his bringing, Bojack also struggles with the pressure to be perfect which is another aspect of the show viewers can relate to. Even though he seems successful, he can’t quieten an internal voice that tells him he’s broken. Everyone might feel this way at some point in their lives. The show is also about acceptance and being true to yourself. Many people forget that there’s nothing wrong with expressing your emotions. We can form a genuine connection with others if we show them our vulnerabilities, not if we are perfect all the time. 2. People lie more often than they’d like to admit. Telling white lies is so common because it’s about avoiding conflict: we don’t want to upset the other person by revealing what we really think. A lot of people are aware of the negative effect lying has on their lives but can’t overcome the habit. The video can offer mental health support for those viewers: it might help them understand why they do it and how they can dissect a lie to break the pattern. 3. Bluey might seem to be a series strictly dedicated to children but there’s a reason why parents love it too. This Disney Plus production is a reminder that being in tune with our emotion... https://www.youtube.com/embed/wfnTs-E0Rcs 2023-08-11T20:46:48.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-PNqoSf3iDg/hqdefault.jpg HOW CAN I STOP LYING | SIMPLE STEPS TO STOP RIGHT NOW Our Youtube channel has almost reached 5000 subscribers on YouTube! Our channel has been a great source of mental health support for those who are trying to understand themselves better and want to improve the quality of their lives. Here’s a summary of our top 5 most viewed videos: 1. Bojack Horseman is a story about the pursuit of happiness, which is why it resonates with so many people. As mentioned in the video, one of the most relatable themes is seeking parental validation. No matter what our relationship with our parents is like, we crave their approval and want to feel seen. Throughout our lives, we hold onto the hope that things will get better. When our parents pass away we might mourn losing the potential the relationship had even if they never offer us any mental health support. Due to his bringing, Bojack also struggles with the pressure to be perfect which is another aspect of the show viewers can relate to. Even though he seems successful, he can’t quieten an internal voice that tells him he’s broken. Everyone might feel this way at some point in their lives. The show is also about acceptance and being true to yourself. Many people forget that there’s nothing wrong with expressing your emotions. We can form a genuine connection with others if we show them our vulnerabilities, not if we are perfect all the time. 2. People lie more often than they’d like to admit. Telling white lies is so common because it’s about avoiding conflict: we don’t want to upset the other person by revealing what we really think. A lot of people are aware of the negative effect lying has on their lives but can’t overcome the habit. The video can offer mental health support for those viewers: it might help them understand why they do it and how they can dissect a lie to break the pattern. 3. Bluey might seem to be a series strictly dedicated to children but there’s a reason why parents love it too. This Disney Plus production is a reminder that being in tune with our emotion... https://www.youtube.com/embed/-PNqoSf3iDg 2023-08-11T20:46:48.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/lqD2SXZNFuo/hqdefault.jpg Therapist reacts to Bluey | Is Bluey teaching mental health to children AND adults? Our Youtube channel has almost reached 5000 subscribers on YouTube! Our channel has been a great source of mental health support for those who are trying to understand themselves better and want to improve the quality of their lives. Here’s a summary of our top 5 most viewed videos: 1. Bojack Horseman is a story about the pursuit of happiness, which is why it resonates with so many people. As mentioned in the video, one of the most relatable themes is seeking parental validation. No matter what our relationship with our parents is like, we crave their approval and want to feel seen. Throughout our lives, we hold onto the hope that things will get better. When our parents pass away we might mourn losing the potential the relationship had even if they never offer us any mental health support. Due to his bringing, Bojack also struggles with the pressure to be perfect which is another aspect of the show viewers can relate to. Even though he seems successful, he can’t quieten an internal voice that tells him he’s broken. Everyone might feel this way at some point in their lives. The show is also about acceptance and being true to yourself. Many people forget that there’s nothing wrong with expressing your emotions. We can form a genuine connection with others if we show them our vulnerabilities, not if we are perfect all the time. 2. People lie more often than they’d like to admit. Telling white lies is so common because it’s about avoiding conflict: we don’t want to upset the other person by revealing what we really think. A lot of people are aware of the negative effect lying has on their lives but can’t overcome the habit. The video can offer mental health support for those viewers: it might help them understand why they do it and how they can dissect a lie to break the pattern. 3. Bluey might seem to be a series strictly dedicated to children but there’s a reason why parents love it too. This Disney Plus production is a reminder that being in tune with our emotion... https://www.youtube.com/embed/lqD2SXZNFuo 2023-08-11T20:46:48.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/PalFruWRkgM/hqdefault.jpg Why Do I Act Like A Child? | 3 Steps To Stop Acting Like A Child Our Youtube channel has almost reached 5000 subscribers on YouTube! Our channel has been a great source of mental health support for those who are trying to understand themselves better and want to improve the quality of their lives. Here’s a summary of our top 5 most viewed videos: 1. Bojack Horseman is a story about the pursuit of happiness, which is why it resonates with so many people. As mentioned in the video, one of the most relatable themes is seeking parental validation. No matter what our relationship with our parents is like, we crave their approval and want to feel seen. Throughout our lives, we hold onto the hope that things will get better. When our parents pass away we might mourn losing the potential the relationship had even if they never offer us any mental health support. Due to his bringing, Bojack also struggles with the pressure to be perfect which is another aspect of the show viewers can relate to. Even though he seems successful, he can’t quieten an internal voice that tells him he’s broken. Everyone might feel this way at some point in their lives. The show is also about acceptance and being true to yourself. Many people forget that there’s nothing wrong with expressing your emotions. We can form a genuine connection with others if we show them our vulnerabilities, not if we are perfect all the time. 2. People lie more often than they’d like to admit. Telling white lies is so common because it’s about avoiding conflict: we don’t want to upset the other person by revealing what we really think. A lot of people are aware of the negative effect lying has on their lives but can’t overcome the habit. The video can offer mental health support for those viewers: it might help them understand why they do it and how they can dissect a lie to break the pattern. 3. Bluey might seem to be a series strictly dedicated to children but there’s a reason why parents love it too. This Disney Plus production is a reminder that being in tune with our emotion... https://www.youtube.com/embed/PalFruWRkgM 2023-08-11T20:46:48.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/uMYyo49KgMo/hqdefault.jpg HOW TO STOP HAVING NIGHTMARES | 3 EASY STEPS TO STOP BAD DREAMS Our Youtube channel has almost reached 5000 subscribers on YouTube! Our channel has been a great source of mental health support for those who are trying to understand themselves better and want to improve the quality of their lives. Here’s a summary of our top 5 most viewed videos: 1. Bojack Horseman is a story about the pursuit of happiness, which is why it resonates with so many people. As mentioned in the video, one of the most relatable themes is seeking parental validation. No matter what our relationship with our parents is like, we crave their approval and want to feel seen. Throughout our lives, we hold onto the hope that things will get better. When our parents pass away we might mourn losing the potential the relationship had even if they never offer us any mental health support. Due to his bringing, Bojack also struggles with the pressure to be perfect which is another aspect of the show viewers can relate to. Even though he seems successful, he can’t quieten an internal voice that tells him he’s broken. Everyone might feel this way at some point in their lives. The show is also about acceptance and being true to yourself. Many people forget that there’s nothing wrong with expressing your emotions. We can form a genuine connection with others if we show them our vulnerabilities, not if we are perfect all the time. 2. People lie more often than they’d like to admit. Telling white lies is so common because it’s about avoiding conflict: we don’t want to upset the other person by revealing what we really think. A lot of people are aware of the negative effect lying has on their lives but can’t overcome the habit. The video can offer mental health support for those viewers: it might help them understand why they do it and how they can dissect a lie to break the pattern. 3. Bluey might seem to be a series strictly dedicated to children but there’s a reason why parents love it too. This Disney Plus production is a reminder that being in tune with our emotion... https://www.youtube.com/embed/uMYyo49KgMo 2023-08-11T20:46:48.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/bluey-and-the-banned-episode-smoochy-kiss 2023-07-21T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/AR_HeVl3eHA/hqdefault.jpg Therapist Reacts to Bluey (Previously Banned!?) #bluey #reaction #disneyplus Our YouTube audience have loved hearing some insight on the Disney Plus show Bluey. So much so that we had to offer some commentary on a specific episode, one of several that Disney Plus originally refused to publish on their streaming service – ‘Smoochy Kiss’ Read more : Bluey and the (banned) episode, ‘Smoochy Kiss’ For those who don’t already know, Bluey is an animated Disney Plus series for children. It’s a wholesome story that follows the life of a puppy called Bluey and her sister Bingo who play imaginative games with their parents and learn valuable life lessons along the way. Can we actually learn something from Bluey? Bluey is more than just entertainment. One of the reasons the show is so popular among children and their parents is that it promotes a healthy family dynamic that features everyone spending quality time together and accepting each other’s flaws.  Some episodes are an honest portrayal of a family life that has fun but also engages in behaviours typically seen as disgusting. In ‘Smoochy Kiss’, Bluey and her sister learn about their dad’s gross habits. Even though being a little gross is human (like having bad breath in the morning) and accidents can happen to all of us (a gravy stain on a t-shirt), it’s not something we see on TV often. This lack of representation creates expectations of how we should be and might pressure us to be perfect. As a result, many peoples feel embarrassed when they fulfil their basic needs and engage in natural behaviours such as going to the toilet. While the content of the episode might seem gross to some, those real-life examples are a way to teach kids that they shouldn’t be ashamed of who they are, which can help them develop higher self-esteem. If characters they look up to aren’t afraid to be true to themselves, they have no reason to be either. “You gotta take the good with the bad” Another important takeaway is that “you gotta take the good with the bad” when you’re in a relationship. Bluey and her sister... https://www.youtube.com/embed/AR_HeVl3eHA 2023-07-21T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/what-does-your-phobia-say-about-you-video 2023-03-10T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/eigUFLUr734/hqdefault.jpg What is a Phobia? Therapist Explains A phobia is a fear reaction to a stimulus that our brain perceives as a threat. Since people with a phobia often avoid putting themselves in threatening situations they might not even realise they have it. Where do phobias come from? If your brain associates an unthreatening object or a situation with danger it means that you were either taught to find certain stimuli bad or you experienced is as such. For example, in the first scenario, your parents might have taught you to find something scary. If they were scared of spiders, chances are you were conditioned to think the same way because you witnessed them negatively react to spiders.   In the second scenario, your brain learns to link certain objects and situations with a negative response. For example, if you saw a spider when you were a child and got scared, encountering spiders might now generate a fear response. Whichever way you acquired the phobia, your brain now tells you not to put yourself in the threatening situation again. How do they make you feel? While spiders might be the first thing that you associate with an irrational fear response, anything can become a phobia. Phobias often refer to being in a situation you feel you have no control over or aren’t familiar with. They’re also more common than you think. For example, a lot of people experience fear during social interactions and might avoid them as a result. Even the thought of being in a threatening situation might make you feel anxious. Unfortunately, avoidance means you never learn how to act in a social context and miss out on connecting with people. How to stop phobias? The most effective way to deal with phobias is to work with a therapist. Therapy for phobia can help you understand how you react to a threatening situation, where your phobia comes from and how the fear is limiting you. An important part of healing is also learning that the situation or object itself isn’t dangerous. It’s just your brain telling you that they are. This mi... https://www.youtube.com/embed/eigUFLUr734 2023-03-10T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/princess-diana-and-the-crown 2022-11-25T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/XRB7EKhd070/hqdefault.jpg Therapist watches Princess Diana Interview with Martin Bashir | Therapist Response to The Crown [TW] I’m touching on a delicate topic this week. I thought it was a little too delicate but then I thought, well, I shouldn’t ignore it for much longer. Princess Diana is all over my feeds and news again and her well-known mental health issues rooted in trauma, betrayal, deception and depression had to be looked over again in my eyes. I’m almost looking at this for the first time since the 90’s. I don’t watch The Crown either, so what I do know is just from the recesses of my brain or from what my wife has relayed to me from the Netflix show. Instead of ‘reacting’ to a dramatisation of what happened, I wanted to take a look at Diana herself. I wanted to watch her famous interview with Martin Bashir. The interview already is wrapped in emotions towards what Princess Diana is talking about and the entire web of lies surrounding the interview and the BBC. What I couldn’t get out of my mind all the way through was the irony that she is discussing her lack of trust with someone that was, at that moment, also deceiving her to agree to the interview in the first place. She was surrounded by betrayal, and a lack of faith in her beliefs and who she wanted to be as The Princess of Wales. It is no wonder that this resulted in several mental health issues What she went through is an example of what can happen as a result of trauma, PTSD, manipulation, gaslighting, narcissism, and the list goes on. Not only that but all this was in the spotlight, making it even harder for her to have the space and mental capacity to resolve these issues in a professional setting. Many people with trust issues will find it the hardest to seek out professional help just for this reason. This is also a powerful manoeuvre for abusers and narcissists to make as it ensures that their subject will remain trustworthy to them. This kind of thing happens all of the time and are still happening. Which is why I continue to talk about it. The main thread throughout the interview was Princess Diana expressing t... https://www.youtube.com/embed/XRB7EKhd070 2022-11-25T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/starting-therapy-1st-thing 2022-09-23T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hVR8j8KAVO4/hqdefault.jpg Starting Therapy | The 1st thing your therapist wants you to know. I get asked multiple questions from people regarding what they should expect before starting therapy. Not only that, but what a therapist would expect from them. After many years I have noticed a pattern of questions, so I want to settle a lot of myths once and for all. My latest video covers 5 things your therapist wants you to know . And what I hope a lot of you gather from this, is that the best time to start therapy is today . There are a lot of thoughts that can get in the way, but from the moment you consider therapy it will always be in the back of your mind that things could be different. Better for you. That’s why you have been considering therapy in the first place. So, make tomorrow better, rather than holding out. I want to go into a little more detail, so over the next several weeks I’m going to break each point down to get you one step closer to booking in your first session . The first thing your therapist wants you to know. Starting therapy doesn’t mean you’ll feel instantly better. It’s not a quick fix. There are effective forms of short-term therapy but these are focused on reducing severe symptoms, to take back control of yourself and your body. Tactics such as tapping or breath work are very effective for reducing these symptoms – what they are used for is to ease any heightened and severe issues, such as: Panic attacks OCD Relapses with eating disorders Temptation to addictions Grounding from PTSD Using these short-term tools, you can then find the mental capacity to focus on working with your counsellor to relieve those triggers permanently. These tools are not the sole focus of your therapy. A misconception is that short-term tools work in the long term. What this does, however, is create a distraction from addressing those long-lived issues. Starting therapy is hard. This is no secret. Many people do become disappointed when they leave their first therapy session believing it didn’t work because they ended the session feeling worse than th... https://www.youtube.com/embed/hVR8j8KAVO4 2022-09-23T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/therapist-reaction-to-tick-tick-boom 2022-07-15T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xt-FXxcBI8o/hqdefault.jpg Therapist reaction: Tick Tick Boom –’Therapy’ I’d heard so much about the song Therapy from the Netflix film Tick Tick Boom. I had been told so many times to watch it and offer my opinion. I still haven’t gotten round to seeing the entire film but I did react to Therapy and I wasn’t disappointed. To be honest, the song was very accurate. You can tell Jonathan Larson was writing about an experience and feelings he knew very well. Relationships are hard. They are messy and complex. So to lay out what it is like being in a long-term relationship in a 3-minute song will usually cover what is the tip of the iceberg. But, this song really does cover a lot: They are basically saying the same thing. From the start of the song, they are repeating themselves over and over again. Just because you have repeated yourself that doesn’t mean you were heard. It’s always good to confirm that your partner has understood you, rather than saying the same thing again and assuming they will eventually get it. When emotions are high it can be difficult to express yourself clearly. They are constantly talking over each other. This is a huge thing for couples during those full blown arguments. When things get heated, you stop caring about the other person’s point and just need to let your own frustration out there and then. This means that even though you are right in front of your partner, you are only hearing your own side. And it doesn’t even matter what the other person is saying. They are not listening to each other. When you are talking and yelling in the hope that your point is heard, you are also not listening. As this couple gets more and more heated, they are talking faster. They’re again, repeating what they are saying but not even responding to what the other has said. The song is complex. Consider how much rehearsal, trial and error is needed to be able to pull this song off. A relationship is just as hard when you aren’t listening to each other. It highlights how much easier communication is when you allow it to breathe... https://www.youtube.com/embed/xt-FXxcBI8o 2022-07-15T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/youtube-comments 2021-10-13T20:00:07.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/pBrxQpELjuE/hqdefault.jpg Therapist Reads Your Comments (Good AND Bad…I'm nervous) I recently filmed a video where I read my Youtube comments. I’ll admit, I was a little nervous to go through them, but the main reason for it was to let Youtube viewers know that I have been reading their comments. What has been amazing to see is that commenters have felt able to really express how they are feeling and what they have learnt about themselves from my videos. Even though I am reacting to something fictional, we can always find a character, a story arc or even a single line, that hits home and feels as if it is aimed right at you. This is what I am starting to see in my comments and I couldn’t be happier that people want to share that with not only me but also with anyone else watching. Even one comment like that means that I have done my job. Within counselling sessions, the number goal is to feel safe. If this is what being a anonymous commenter on youtube means for many people, then that is the first step to feeling like you can express yourself without judgement or fear. This may sound like I’m just referring to nice comments. But I wanted to also show that criticism and transparency also go noticed and that I will take any youtube comments like this into my next videos and learn from them. Criticism may sometimes intend to hurt another, but it’s what you do with that comment that creates the biggest impact. Taking any comment in my stride means that I am always open to growth and changes. And this is what brings success and joy to anyone’s life. Your life will always be changing around you, if you do not continue to learn from those changes and move with the tide, you can find yourself floating behind. It may sound exhausting, but if you are looking for constant success and happiness, that means constant change and development. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/pBrxQpELjuE 2021-10-13T20:00:07.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/elon-musk-aspergers 2021-05-12T19:13:14.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/o54-UrP6MKE/hqdefault.jpg If Elon Musk can do it, you can do it too. Elon Musk hosted Saturday Night Live and announced that he is the first with Asperger’s Syndrome to host the show. Elon Musk’s appearance was a huge success. Even though – as he put it – he doesn’t have much “intonation or variation” in his voice. I was reading about this and watched his episode of SNL. I couldn’t help but think about his appearance and what people’s expectations were of him. To do something such as comedy, even though it’s not something people thought he would be able to do, is pretty brave. I made a video on this , mainly about the five most common myths about Aspegers, these include: Aspergers is a disability (It’s not) It comes with superintelligence (Most of the time, no) You have no sense of humour (Clearly not!) You’re seen as “strange” (I can’t see why) It’s a bad thing to have (No, it’s not!) When you put all these points together and go through each of them – whether you have Asperger’s, any other disorder or ailment – all that matters for each and every single person is that you are using your abilities and potential to its fullest. Personally, I have dyspraxia and dyslexia.  I have found challenges time and time again doing things that others have found much simpler. That didn’t stop me from continually trying and finding the most suitable ways for me to succeed. Thankfully, I was able to make it through two degrees and a business startup. I am still up against hurdles every day, but you find the best way to tackle each one. Even if it may be a different direction to everyone else. Elon Musk is the ideal example of taking something about yourself that is considered atypical and creating success for yourself regardless. Asperger’s is used to his advantage and that goes for anything you think you can or can’t do. If Elon Musk is able to send us to Mars, then you are able to beat whatever comes your way too. Once you find the best way for yourself to listen, learn, decode and thrive at what you do, it doesn’t matter if that way is differ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/o54-UrP6MKE 2021-05-12T19:13:14.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/therapist-reviews-joker 2021-04-14T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/1uGgJwGVEZY/hqdefault.jpg Therapist Gives Mental Health Review on Joker (Movie) | Therapist Reacts To Joker This week I wanted to really take a look at a character with a dark past. Not just the dark past but how they deal with that baggage and how it can affect them. The Joker is one of the most famous fictional villains. In 2019 they released Joker , with Joaquin Phoenix portraying his origin story, and I was shocked at how deep this movie delved into Arthur Fleck’s (The Joker) background and the descent on his mental health. Throughout this film, you do almost feel sorry for him. And this is what was so powerful and steeped in truth. Behind every villain and behind every negative act, is a destructive and harmful story. The Joker is a villain on the surface, but there is more to relate to than you might think. When you meet Arthur you find him doing his best with work and attempting to follow the rules and ‘put on a happy face’. The irony is he is working as a sign spinner dressed as a clown. Even when he tries his best at this he gets mugged and beaten. The same goes for the work he is doing with his social worker. She wants him to fill his journal and so he does, he fills it cover to cover with how he is feeling in the form of jokes. Sadly the social worker doesn’t condone this and doesn’t seem to offer him any more guidance or help. What I see throughout this film is a man just trying to do the right thing. Imagine, you spend your entire life just trying to do the right thing, and every single time it doesn’t work out. This will do something to your way of thinking and conceptualising your wants and feelings. What happens with Arthur is this dire need to be noticed. He tries this with stand-up comedy, but that doesn’t work. Now, this is to the extreme, but as he cannot find that attention through making people laugh, his next (in his eyes) logical step is to shock and offend people. This is a simple act of control. Arthur must find any way he can to take control of his life. As he has never had that and feels as if he has tried any other way, unfortunately, it re... https://www.youtube.com/embed/1uGgJwGVEZY 2021-04-14T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/zAGVQLHvwOY/hqdefault.jpg Therapist Reviews Joker (2019 Movie) This week I wanted to really take a look at a character with a dark past. Not just the dark past but how they deal with that baggage and how it can affect them. The Joker is one of the most famous fictional villains. In 2019 they released Joker , with Joaquin Phoenix portraying his origin story, and I was shocked at how deep this movie delved into Arthur Fleck’s (The Joker) background and the descent on his mental health. Throughout this film, you do almost feel sorry for him. And this is what was so powerful and steeped in truth. Behind every villain and behind every negative act, is a destructive and harmful story. The Joker is a villain on the surface, but there is more to relate to than you might think. When you meet Arthur you find him doing his best with work and attempting to follow the rules and ‘put on a happy face’. The irony is he is working as a sign spinner dressed as a clown. Even when he tries his best at this he gets mugged and beaten. The same goes for the work he is doing with his social worker. She wants him to fill his journal and so he does, he fills it cover to cover with how he is feeling in the form of jokes. Sadly the social worker doesn’t condone this and doesn’t seem to offer him any more guidance or help. What I see throughout this film is a man just trying to do the right thing. Imagine, you spend your entire life just trying to do the right thing, and every single time it doesn’t work out. This will do something to your way of thinking and conceptualising your wants and feelings. What happens with Arthur is this dire need to be noticed. He tries this with stand-up comedy, but that doesn’t work. Now, this is to the extreme, but as he cannot find that attention through making people laugh, his next (in his eyes) logical step is to shock and offend people. This is a simple act of control. Arthur must find any way he can to take control of his life. As he has never had that and feels as if he has tried any other way, unfortunately, it re... https://www.youtube.com/embed/zAGVQLHvwOY 2021-04-14T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/therapist-reacts-to-therapists-in-movies 2021-03-31T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5idgTccHYvU/hqdefault.jpg YouTube video player I have been blown away by the response from last week’s therapist reacts video . It’s a great feeling putting information out there that is so important for everyone to understand but seen as somewhat taboo. If you can find more understanding of your own mental health through movie reactions, then I’m all for it. This is what the discussion on mental health has been about, simply wanting people to see and talk about it and not be ashamed or embarrassed. If I have been able to find an outlet to do this then I am more than happy to continue.  This week, I watched some films that featured therapy sessions. I was interested in how the therapists were portrayed. I wanted to decipher if the general public’s expectations of therapy come from what they are seeing on screen. Good Will Hunting (1997) Robin Williams’s portrayal of Psychologist Sean McGuire was refreshing. He does have a past that unfortunately played out against him during Will’s first session with him. However, the fundamentals of a successful therapist were there. McGuire allows Will to lead the session. He had complete freedom of the conversation, what he did and where he went. This is important to note because many people may feel like they are entering the therapist’s space. That’s false, as the therapeutic space is your space only . This is the only way for any client to feel comfortable and willing to open up. As a client, you have chosen to come to therapy for your own development. This wouldn’t work if the therapist starts to lead the session, tells you that you can’t talk about certain things. Side Effects (2013) This scene was great to react to as it was a very rare situation that a therapist and client may find themselves in.  In this scene, the client approaches her therapist whilst he is with his wife. What irks me about this exchange was the therapist (Jude Law) allowing his client to discuss her issues out in the open. As a practitioner, your first priority is ensuring that the client feels ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/5idgTccHYvU 2021-03-31T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wfnTs-E0Rcs/hqdefault.jpg Therapist Reacts to Therapists in Movies (Video Reaction) I have been blown away by the response from last week’s therapist reacts video . It’s a great feeling putting information out there that is so important for everyone to understand but seen as somewhat taboo. If you can find more understanding of your own mental health through movie reactions, then I’m all for it. This is what the discussion on mental health has been about, simply wanting people to see and talk about it and not be ashamed or embarrassed. If I have been able to find an outlet to do this then I am more than happy to continue.  This week, I watched some films that featured therapy sessions. I was interested in how the therapists were portrayed. I wanted to decipher if the general public’s expectations of therapy come from what they are seeing on screen. Good Will Hunting (1997) Robin Williams’s portrayal of Psychologist Sean McGuire was refreshing. He does have a past that unfortunately played out against him during Will’s first session with him. However, the fundamentals of a successful therapist were there. McGuire allows Will to lead the session. He had complete freedom of the conversation, what he did and where he went. This is important to note because many people may feel like they are entering the therapist’s space. That’s false, as the therapeutic space is your space only . This is the only way for any client to feel comfortable and willing to open up. As a client, you have chosen to come to therapy for your own development. This wouldn’t work if the therapist starts to lead the session, tells you that you can’t talk about certain things. Side Effects (2013) This scene was great to react to as it was a very rare situation that a therapist and client may find themselves in.  In this scene, the client approaches her therapist whilst he is with his wife. What irks me about this exchange was the therapist (Jude Law) allowing his client to discuss her issues out in the open. As a practitioner, your first priority is ensuring that the client feels ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/wfnTs-E0Rcs 2021-03-31T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/therapist-reacts-to-bojack-horseman 2021-03-24T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wfnTs-E0Rcs/hqdefault.jpg Therapist Reacts to Bojack Horseman *Spoilers ahead. This post mentions some details from the final season of Bojack Horseman. I have been very grateful to find a new audience once I started to offer my response and reactions to popular TV shows, how they convey either mental health issues or how mental health is discussed in general. This has been so fortunate for me as if we are able to open up a conversation on anything that you might not have otherwise spoken about, then this format has been nothing but success in my eyes. As the response has been so positive, this time I put a poll out asking what you would like me to respond to next. I have to admit that I was rooting for a certain result and I got it – so I got to watch and react to Bojack Horseman. What is Bojack Horseman going through and how can we relate? One of the first things that I think of about Bojack is his current situation. This is that he is rich, successful and has numerous parties at his “Hollywoo Hills” house around his infinity pool. He is surrounded by friends, admirers, and groupies constantly. I hear over and over again things like ‘He’s rich, why isn’t he happy?’ or ‘How can you have problems when you’re that famous?’ This is a common misconception that I am happy to debunk and Bojack is the perfect example of this. Now, no matter who walks into my office, their issues, their trials, and their worries are no less valid than anyone else. What is real are the feelings and repercussions of their actions. If money can’t buy you love and happiness, what are we aiming for? What Bojack is going through is a long and tedious domino effect stemming from childhood. What is so raw about this show is the fact that we not only see an addict struggling to find happiness in the present, but we also find out more about his background as the show goes on. He strived for fame and success because he never gained any validation from his parents. You will always seek validation from your parents and a lot of the time this can be to your det... https://www.youtube.com/embed/wfnTs-E0Rcs 2021-03-24T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/ive-never-watched-the-sopranos-until-now 2021-02-24T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/UiLQmeg5DhY/hqdefault.jpg YouTube video player I got to blind react to Tony Soprano’s first therapy session in the Pilot of The Sopranos. Yes, I haven’t seen The Sopranos – I’ve wanted to for a long time but just never got round to it. When I found that I was blind reacting to Tony’s first session, I thought it was the perfect way to explain what happens in that session, for real. And, I also got to see how accurate the show was. Silence is golden How the session begins is Tony looking nervous and then not being able to gauge what he should be doing or what was the right thing to do. This is actually something I’ve seen many times with new clients. You are essentially going into a room with a stranger and expected to tell them your biggest fears and issues. But that isn’t expected from the get-go. What Tony does is first understand where he should sit. Then there is a long silence before Doctor Melfi starts a conversation about why he is there. You are in an unknown space and the therapeutic relationship has to start with that understanding of power. As Tony does, he expects her to begin and as he is used to getting what he wants in his life, he will not say anything first. When your session starts the room is yours to do as you wish, you may come in, or not, you may talk, or not. If I gauge that you want me to start, I can. You pay for that time to have a space to understand yourself and how you fit into the world. Therefore, there are no expectations of what to do or say (or don’t say). Who has the power? One thing I’ve mentioned already is this element of control that Tony needs within the room. He says, ‘They sent me here. ‘ when he refers to the doctors who diagnosed his panic attack. What he’s doing is ensuring that the power stays with him, that he establishes that he could leave anytime he wants to and that it wasn’t his choice. Whether you were referred to therapy or if it was your choice, it is always worth assessing how to use this time for the better. Also what you would like to gain from it. What... https://www.youtube.com/embed/UiLQmeg5DhY 2021-02-24T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/is-tiktok-bad-for-you 2021-02-10T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/nGurtrOoxak/hqdefault.jpg Is the ‘For You Page’ For Your Pleasure? | Is TikTok Bad For You? As I look around for inspiration for youtube or blog content, it was hard to not notice the impact that Tiktok has had on the world this past year.  It has become a worldwide phenomenon and for good reason. During these difficult few years, you not only need to utilise technology for human interaction, but you need to also use it to validate yourself in ways you usually would out of lockdown. We aren’t meeting friends in restaurants anymore or showing off dance moves through the night. As human beings, we have to find ways to be seen, noticed, and test boundaries for ourselves. TikTok has become a great, public way to do that.  Naturally, I joined, scrolled through, and even found other mental health professionals and even aficionados talking on different topics and often offering advice. As with any professional in their industry, I had to react and so filmed a YouTube video on my findings . My Tiktok journey didn’t stop there though – I kept the app and still scroll through from time to time. You hear the term ‘It’s addictive’ thrown around so casually nowadays, but it’s clear why in this instance. Years (and years) ago at the beginning of Therapy in London, I started a blog, Philip on Tech, because I had always found our relation to tech interesting, and so important to understand. All online activity is designed to be addictive, retain retention and keep you wanting more.  Now, this is for the better for any business owner who wants their product found or wants an audience to come back for more content. What has it done to us as a society and at what cost?  Tiktok allows only 15 or 60-second videos, which means the content is quick, to the point and every time you like a video on your For You Page, you’re letting the algorithm know to adapt to you and thus making your “FYP” more of the things you like.  It’s clever, but it also means that time is irrelevant when you are scrolling through clip after clip after clip.  It can even get to the point where if a vid... https://www.youtube.com/embed/nGurtrOoxak 2021-02-10T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/2021-resolutions 2021-01-13T07:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/4qMc1dXfBwY/hqdefault.jpg YouTube video player Happy New Year! I’m sure many of you have been dragging yourselves through 2020, making your resolutions and just begging for the finish line shouting “Bring on 2021!?” Now, I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m sure you’ve already realised that life doesn’t reset at 12.01am. We are still living through an unfortunate pandemic, many are still angry, frustrated, skeptical and we are all still learning, developing and we have to keep working towards a better life. I have spoken about making the most out of lockdown over and over again and yes, you should still be doing that. Let’s remember that to make a change for the better, yes you can make new year’s resolutions, but making a resolution isn’t an easy fix. What I want to do however is help you out but taking the most popular resolutions and fixing them for you, so they are more realistic and more obtainable. I want to lose weight. This is such a popular desire but it seems far simpler than it is. You believe that you will just work out more or start a diet, but it isn’t just about that.  What you must do is create a new relationship to food and to your lifestyle. If you have a huge sweet tooth, then you can’t expect yourself to cut out carbs, for instance. Or if you have a busy job that requires you at your desk all day, then how are you going to fit in exercise that won’t interfere with your downtime?  There are all really important questions that you need to ask yourself in order to make your resolution a success. So, change your resolution instead to: “ I am going to find the right exercise for me” , or, “ I am going to find food replacements to sugar that I enjoy “. I am going to start saving money.  Again, what does this mean for your lifestyle? For this goal, you have to make sure that you are not depriving yourself in other aspects of your life. It is pretty unrealistic to say you are going to stop ordering takeaways to save money, for example, because you are then probably going to exhaust y... https://www.youtube.com/embed/4qMc1dXfBwY 2021-01-13T07:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/exposing-clickbait-why-does-it-work 2020-12-09T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/zzllNgOGTAQ/hqdefault.jpg YouTube video player Clickbait is hard to ignore and is used globally. It’s ingenious as you don’t even know you are looking at it until you are already sucked in and gawping at what a celebrity supposedly did or what the new superfood is. What is fascinating about it is that they primarily use psychology to work. The psychology behind it is the main reason that you have to click on what you have been baited, and it uses many techniques to do this. The first is the want of knowledge. Everyone will go through life wanting to be better or know slightly more than another person. When you see an article or video that may tell you something that you can later share with others, that gives you the power of having more knowledge than someone else. It’s been addressed on this blog many times but this all comes down to that spike of serotonin that every single one of us craves. You will crave it in many different ways, but you will seek it in some way or another. Another reason is wanting to feel good about yourself. Whether you are male, female, or non-binary, you want to feel good about yourself – and the easiest way to do that is by adapting your appearance. When you see 10 Hairstyles to Make You Look 10 Years Younger, you want to see this quick, magical hack that will supposedly fix every self-deprecating aspect of yourself. In some ways, clickbait works and you do feel better about yourself. But, it’s only for that little moment where you read the article and think ‘Once I read this then I will feel so much better’. Unfortunately, the serotonin doesn’t last much further than that short moment. So, when you find yourself down the rabbit hole of Worst Dressed Celebs, How to Become a Millionaire, or You’ll Never Guess What Happened Next – consider why you are so interested in this and what do you want to gain from it. If it is just some light relief from a difficult day, then that is fine, but if it is starting to interfere with your normal activity, try to learn from it what you want to ac... https://www.youtube.com/embed/zzllNgOGTAQ 2020-12-09T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/ratched-reaction-therapist-reacts 2020-11-18T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7ZMFnektAoQ/hqdefault.jpg Therapist Reacts to Netflix's Ratched | Episode 1, Pilot *Netflix Ratched spoilers ahead* Like most Netflix subscribers, I got hooked on Ratched . You would think that a fantasised visualisation of an obsolete insane asylum is something a counsellor would shy away from. As a mental health professional, it is my job to offer the truth about what mental illness is like and how we can manage it. That means looking at what we do, why we do it, and how we can grow from those actions – essentially looking to a more positive future. But the past can be just as useful to you if you use it in the right way. I went in already a Ryan Murphy Hollywood fan. I was fascinated by the portrayal of an asylum. Back then, common mental health concerns would be a cause to lock you up. We didn’t have the same basic human rights. The ideal fix for a lot of ‘problems’? a lobotomy. This is all difficult to hear and take in. Basic LGBTQ+ rights were non-existent and the thought of a female doctor was laughable. We can only continue to learn from the past, however. Seeing it shown in this no-holds-barred way for you to learn from, means continued growth for our mental health in today’s society. Parallels: then and now When delving into this Netflix show I couldn’t help but see parallels in how we act and react still, even within this outdated society depicted. With this in mind: I picked out some scenes, reacted to them and gave my thoughts on how mental health is reflected in the hit Netflix show. Check out more therapist reactions to film and TV here. https://www.youtube.com/embed/7ZMFnektAoQ 2020-11-18T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/response-to-the-coronavirus-vaccine 2020-11-11T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ER7dzkNmUko/hqdefault.jpg Help To Prepare for 2nd Lockdown | Government Guidelines For Lockdown UK | (Be SAFE and HAPPY) Let’s talk vaccine. Let’s talk hope. The newspapers are flooded with headlines on the latest breakthrough in the Coronavirus vaccine. Just when we thought we would have to get used to the ‘new normal’ of face masks, one way systems, and a lack of luxuries, we hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. What should be clarified is that there is still a long way to go I wanted to write about this because hope is a powerful feeling. Hope feels great and it can fill you with a warmth of things to come. What it can also do however is create a path of either procrastination and/or disappointment. The hope comes because yes, a vaccine is possible and yes, the Coronavirus vaccine will be with us eventually. This will not be tomorrow or next week though. As we have gone into a second lockdown, you may have finally gotten used to the way things are, you are making plans that suit the current circumstances and you have given yourself new, realistic goals. Don’t let all of that go out of the window What I wouldn’t want to happen is for anyone to feel like they can stop what they’re doing because ‘things will change back soon’ or they want to change their plans and goals back to what they were pre-pandemic. This is not to be the bearer of bad news, what I want to do instead is actually encourage ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’. This is the perfect situation to consider that phrase and keep going, and keep pushing with whatever you are doing. If you carry on as normal as you possibly can, then you set yourself as clear a path as any for success, rather than being diverted on hope or an assumption. Turn hope into a reality rather than a dream Hope is not a bad thing. Hope can spur you and drive your forward. What you need to remember is that hope needs to remain in your control. Take note of what you are hopeful for, and ensure that you are able to turn that hope into success. The best piece of advice I can give right now takes us back to my tips on how to mentally prepare fo... https://www.youtube.com/embed/ER7dzkNmUko 2020-11-11T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/the-mystery-of-finding-happiness-my-response 2020-10-28T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/m_fo1fRY1y4/hqdefault.jpg Why Am I Not Happy With My Life? | Understand what Happiness is and How To Feel Happy (TODAY) I am always digging further into theories and opinions on finding happiness. It is something that will continually evolve and develop for each and every single human being? What I hadn’t considered before however, was the correlation between the words ‘happiness’ and ‘mystery’. As a professional therapist, you can start to get bogged down with the science behind happiness. Serotonin and oxytocin are vital to this journey, but hearing other people’s pursuits to happiness creates a reality and grounding to what happiness actually means. When I heard that the crime author, Sophie Hannah, was writing a book on the mystery of happiness, I was intrigued. Then I read the review in The Guardian on her new book and I thought it was the ideal piece to delve into and on what happiness vs mystery really means for all of us (and no twists or spoilers here!) The subtitle of Hannah’s book is ’66 attempts…’, and this is a profoundly simple and accurate insight into finding happiness. Happiness doesn’t come to anyone right away, and her journey to find happiness has seen an abundance of u-turns and surprise endings – just like her novels. When you go through this many ‘failed’ attempts at finding happiness it can feel like you are hitting a dead end. What it actually can do is help steer you in the right direction? ‘…creative prompts that force one into engaging with life, rather than theorising about it’ Even though Hannah had also been one to start obsessing over what Kant had to say, she realised that she needed to start looking further afield. She needed to live to find happiness, rather than dwelling on what had passed and being book-smart on what happiness is. The two fundamental steps to happiness are? Learn from the past rather than dwell Build stepping stones for a happier future ‘…there’s a twist, which is also an epiphany’ An epiphany is almost always a twist. It’s the shock ending and the unexpected resolution to a whodunit. This is why you will never know what could ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/m_fo1fRY1y4 2020-10-28T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/no-buts-just-action 2020-10-14T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/kB_ucl20o_4/hqdefault.jpg Motivation hack: No BUTs I’ve brushed on this before when it comes to motivation , but I really wanted to highlight this quick motivation hack for gaining some motivation in your day-to-day life. Motivation is something I hear about so much and something that is lacking in many of our lives. You could start doing something, but there is always something that happens to stop you from continuing. So, actually keeping motivated and consistent is the cornerstone of success. The pattern I had noticed when it comes to motivation, is the language used. So this is where my hack comes into play. I want to do this, but? Saying ‘but’ stops everything you’re doing in its tracks. ‘But’ is a justification as to why it won’t work. So what you’re doing here is giving yourself the excuse to stop or not even try. So, let’s get rid of ‘but’ from your vocabulary. Instead of ‘but’, replace it with ‘and’. What this does is create an expanding path to reach what you want to do, rather than ‘but’ stopping you and getting in the way. ‘I want to ask for a promotion at work but?’ Where can you go from there?  All you can say following this is something negative, such as:  .’..but I probably wont get it.’  ‘but my boss doesn’t like me.’  ‘…but I am not good enough.’ Let’s start again with the use of ‘and’ instead. ‘I want to ask for a promotion at work and?’ ‘…I am going to ask my boss’  ‘…and I am going to upscale and I am good enough.’ ‘And’ gives you something to do and a positive spin on the whole experience. Once you start noticing your own language, you can relate it back to your old, more negative, patterns. Saying ‘but’ stop you from moving forward. Saying ‘and’ gives you possibilities and a chance to keep that motivation up – and work in a way that works for you! Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/kB_ucl20o_4 2020-10-14T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-lie-set-the-truth-free 2020-10-07T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/appk81gLAz8/hqdefault.jpg Stop Lying (How to Stop!) I get a lot of people asking about lying, so I’ve decided to dig a little deeper into how we can stop lying. When you lie, it can never be just one little white lie  A lie has to be told to then cover up the previous lie and so on. When you start lying, it’s hard to stop and that’s when the web of lies begins. You can even get to the point where you believe your own lies, as you have lost track of where the truth starts and the lie ends. The lie becomes the easy, quick response. Lying creates a false reality for yourself and a barrier to what you can achieve and can do in your real life.  Don’t follow the leaders I was even reminded of this in the news reading Leadership 101: Lying isn’t Leading from Forbes. Lying has become the new norm to either deter a painful truth, or to make one seem more trustworthy. But this actually creates the opposite effect as Dana Brownlee accurately states:  ‘People typically can sense when they’re not getting the full truth and one terribly unfortunate consequence of that spidey sense is that it can encourage paranoia or negative fantasies’ Once you remember that the long term effects of lying are more harmful than helpful, you can start to build the way to stopping yourself from lying. So, let’s try to create a truthful and genuine reality for ourselves in the hope that others will follow. When you become an open and authentic person, people follow suit as you create a bubble of trust for them to be included in. Lying can become part of your identity Even when you think you are the best liar, there are people out there who will know you are lying. When you lie, your behaviour and patterns also change, and as you build your web of lies, your lying becomes more and more transparent to others as there is little consistency in your stories and actions. Why are do you care about what others think of you? This is an important question because lying usually means that you care about what others think of you. You lie to create a more inte... https://www.youtube.com/embed/appk81gLAz8 2020-10-07T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-control-your-anger 2020-09-30T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3PfM2JSf0O0/hqdefault.jpg Controlling Anger (Take Action and Reframe your Anger) There’s a lot of anger in the world at the moment. Do you feel angry at our UK government, you are part of a minority, live in Leeds in 2020, or you’re angry at your neighbour for not taking their bins in, it is all valid anger? Just because it is valid, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t learn how to deal with it. Managing your anger means not acting on impulse or irrationally. You might even think that you are being completely rational with where you are directing your anger and to whom. But this is why I believe it is important for every single person to use my steps to validate their anger and actions. When you don’t use your anger in the right way, everything starts to merge into one, and that is when things that might have seemed petty before, will exacerbate. When smaller things start to make you angrier and angrier, you begin to have less and less control. And when impulse fuels your anger, this is when your anger can mentally or even physically affect yourself and others. So, take control over your anger, use these steps, and think rationally and with vigilance.  Understand your anger Know that the anger is trying to help direct you to what you need to do. It’s a sign telling you that something needs sorting out. ‘I am angry because I still can’t leave my house! ‘ Reframe it Rather than running away or seeing it as a bad thing, learn to sit with it as anger will usually want to push people away. Sitting with it will help you to think more rationally and with an open mind, rather than push away anyone else that might try to defy you. ‘I understand that I am really just bored because I haven’t made full use of this time at home ‘ Control it Start harnessing the power and drive that anger gives you. ‘I like to keep busy, so I need to take control and find more things to do ‘ Act on it Take action with that drive. It’s a great motivator and gives you a clear sign that something needs to change. And if you have reframed and taken control of the anger, then ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/3PfM2JSf0O0 2020-09-30T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-stop-arguing-and-control-anger 2020-09-24T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3PfM2JSf0O0/hqdefault.jpg Controlling Anger (Take Action and Reframe your Anger) Anger is a tricky subject for a lot of us and sometimes, you might wonder ‘why can’t we just stop arguing?, ‘Is it them or is it me? And ‘Am I justified in being angry?’. Even when you’re in such close proximity with your loved ones, I’m sure you’ve felt some anger bubbling to the surface. This is when arguments break out, and what can happen is you argue, just for argument’s sake. In this instance, it can be hard to boil your anger down to what and where it comes from. Once you can take the steps to understand where your anger is coming from , you’ll be able to read the message that it is trying to send you. Sometimes, you need to argue to get your point across. But if an argument is fuelled with pure anger and frustration, you will find that there is no real development in getting your disagreement resolved. How to stop arguing Getting to the crux of anger starts with a few steps, taking deep breaths and counting to ten can make the world of difference, but, you aren’t getting to a true understanding of why you are angry. So, before you try to calm your anger or get to a point of outburst, I want you to instead stick with that anger and follow these steps. 1. Take some space When you are angry what can happen is you surround yourself with people that will question your anger. Reflection is key and you want to feel validated because you are upset and frustrated. So, take some personal time to really get to what is wrong for you, without anyone else’s input.   2. What are you really angry about? This might sound similar to step one, but this time really ask yourself,what are you angry about specifically? And what was the catalyst for you to step into full-on anger? This is when you need to remember that your anger should be aimed at that catalyst, avoid letting your anger bubble over into other aspects of your life or onto another person. 3. What is your relationship like with that person?  You are likely angry at a specific event or action, but what is your rela... https://www.youtube.com/embed/3PfM2JSf0O0 2020-09-24T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/lockdown-lifted-how-to-find-motivation 2020-08-19T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5X3vCCmigRI/hqdefault.jpg How To Stay Motivated | 5 Steps To Keep Motivated & Stop You From Giving Up | Don't Quit Motivation Wondering how to find motivation now lockdown has lifted? It can be easier said than done. With a lot of us stuck at home, especially at the start of the Coronavirus lockdown, I’m sure you thought about all the things you’re going to do. But now that we can leave the house again, where is that can-do-attitude and motivation? Find motivation (and yourself) again!  It’s great to be ready and raring to go when you have the opportunity, but we don’t always feel this way. If you’re lacking motivation, or the the spark you thought would come along with your freedom has dwindled. What can you do about it? It’s never too late to get going, but motivation doesn’t come on it’s own. It needs its own planning and the space to appear organically. Even organic growth needs care and attention So, if you’ve have found yourself lacking motivation after months of being cooped up – here’s some quick tips: What’s your goal? You can’t find motivation without an end goal. If you were waiting for lockdown to be lifted, then it must be something that you couldn’t do at home. So what was it? Accept procrastination  It’s fine to accept that you used lockdown as an excuse for not getting anything done. To get past that, you must listen to what that habit is telling you. Take a look at our guide on procrastination here. What did you wish you were doing? Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and you shouldn’t turn your back on it. It can teach you a surprising amount.  So, when you were at home what was it that you wished you were doing? Was it to reach for the promotion that you were so close to getting before the office shut down? Well, it’s rarely too late to do something about it, and it’s important to remember that it wasn’t just you who had to press pause on life. If the entire world shut down at some point, there is room for us all to pick up where we left off before the pandemic took over. <h3> Take back control </h3> If you’re in the unfortunate situation where things have been taken out ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/5X3vCCmigRI 2020-08-19T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism 2020-07-29T20:34:44.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/GlX7MOvuLak/hqdefault.jpg Tackling Perfectionism | How to Try New Things (And Stop Feeling Anxious) Perfectionism, we’re all guilty of it at points in our lives. We want to be good at what we do. However, there is a difference between wanting to be good and needing to exceed, no matter what. I’m sure lots of you think being a perfectionist is a great attribute to have. It can be, but I think it is important to discuss both the negatives and the positives of wanting everything to be ‘perfect’. This topic got brought up by a viewer on my YouTube channel . They described having a perfectionist mindset and how it has had an impact on his life. This is a great thing to acknowledge firstly because acknowledgment is the first step to taking more control over the more negative things impacting your life. Perfectionism: The good and the bad Wanting perfection has its perks. This is because: You know what you want You are true to yourself and your decisions And you act in the best way possible to ensure success. This is a short list but a strong one to say the least. Knowing what you want and how to get it sounds like the dream, but being this strongly opinionated and wanting this much control means little flexibility for either differing opinions or things out of your control. This is where you’ll find a few of the downsides come into play. Trying doesn’t mean success When you try, that doesn’t always mean success, and so that means a less-than-perfect scenario. The positives of this are that you can pick yourself up and try again as you do want to get to the perfect resolution. But, what if perfection isn’t achievable? Where does the scale for your perfection come from? If it’s from your own judgement, this can only lead to impressing ‘me, myself and I’. With only yourself impressed, it can be tough to find the encouragement or drive to move forward, or keep focused. This can be frustrating, sad, and even angering, as your sense of success is tainted by the overzealous expectations for yourself. When a perfectionist gets to this it can be difficult to try new things as... https://www.youtube.com/embed/GlX7MOvuLak 2020-07-29T20:34:44.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/when-youre-feeling-anxious-do-this-instead 2020-07-22T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/JiYRhUGiWNM/hqdefault.jpg Why Do I Feel Anxious For No Reason? | Understand Your Anxiety Let’s talk about feeling anxious. Last week I went through how you can feel motivated and have confidence in your abilities to succeed. What I touched upon during this is a common feeling of anxiety. This comes up for most of you I’m sure, and it is something that can be managed and even used as a useful tool to better yourself. This is where I want to share how you can take control of your anxiety in your day to day life. This is in 5 steps to help you go one step at a time without overwhelming your anxiety. Take notice of your anxiety By this I mean when you feel anxious, rather than trying to bury it because you don’t like the feeling, really listen to what it’s trying to tell you.  Is it telling you that those new people you’re about to meet might not like you? Or is it telling you that you’re going to get something wrong in your meeting? When you listen to that message, you can really hone in on what is making you nervous, and even invalidate what it’s telling you. Accept anxiety It’s tough, but don’t run from being anxious. Once you start running, you’ll get into the habit of avoiding any situation that might make you anxious at all. That’s when you limit what you can do and limit trying anything new. So, remind yourself that anxiety is there for a reason and stay with it. Once you gather the reasons behind anxiety, then you can reconfigure what you do in those anxious situations and how you can adapt around it. Trying something new Once you understand the reasoning behind anxiety, the next step is actually trying something new, no matter what. Even if it is the smallest thing, if you can push yourself to go for it, whether it gives you anxiety, this is how you begin to form a new behaviour and a new habit that will make that anxious feeling redundant. So when you start to feel anxious, use it to give you energy and to push you through that new task. The fear creeps up as a natural response to danger, so what you are doing here is telling your mind and body... https://www.youtube.com/embed/JiYRhUGiWNM 2020-07-22T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-be-more-confident 2020-07-15T19:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LgxSr3PiP8o/hqdefault.jpg How to be Confident! | Easy Steps to Confidence Want to be more confident? Many of us have found ourselves looking for the answer. And lots of us sugar from confidence issues from time to time. It can be from the smallest thing like picking up the phone to speak to someone, to not being able to stand up and make a presentation. Either way, lacking in confidence can feel pretty debilitating. But, it is something that can be helped, so long as you are willing to push yourself into those more uncomfortable scenarios. Once you start though, you will find yourself doing it without questioning it. Firstly, before you can begin feel more confident, you need to know where your anxiety is coming from. Anxiety does usually come up for a reason, that reason is part of human nature to protect us from danger. So, this is about letting your brain know that there is no danger involved in what you want to achieve. To get there, I like to use what I call the APP method: What is achievable ? This relates to your own goals and desires. Make sure that what you’re aiming for is realistic. Otherwise, if you push yourself into feeling more confident about something that is impossible, then you will end up in a cycle of disappointment. Most things are achievable for you, but ensure that they can remain in your control. For instance, if you want to get that promotion that you are up for, you can gain the confidence to try and get it. However if you think that you want to go from an internship to CEO in 6 months or less, then I would suggest aiming lower. Practice Once you have visualised your goal, it’s time to act on it. And not just once or twice, but over and over again, in many forms. Pick up the phone to anyone and everyone, or practice your presentations on the spouse, children and pets. Repetition will give you confidence in what you’re doing until it becomes second nature. Patience As you practice, remember that you’re not going to get it right each time. Practice makes for improvement and learning from your mistakes. Just bec... https://www.youtube.com/embed/LgxSr3PiP8o 2020-07-15T19:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-get-a-good-nights-sleep 2020-07-01T20:44:34.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/00c9fv9ZyFc/hqdefault.jpg Get Better Sleep | How to Get The Best Sleep Possible | 5 Steps to Get A Good Nights Sleep I hear time and time again how people are finding it hard to get to sleep. This week, I want to share some easy steps in order to get that good night’s sleep you’ve been dreaming of (excuse the pun!). There can be several reasons why you might not be able to sleep. So, amongst these tips, you’ll likely find one, or many, of the reasons you can’t get to sleep – or stay asleep! Routine We all need a good routine to help get into the habit of falling asleep with ease. Preparing your mind and body for a good night’s sleep happens way before getting into bed. It starts with having a bedtime. This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to get to bed at the same time even when you’re not tired. But getting to know your body, how long you can stay up, and when you feel like you’re ready to wind down and get ready to sleep. Sleeping on a full stomach When you eat too late and lie down soon after, it can cause a lot of discomfort as you haven’t fully digested your food. Being uncomfortable when you’re trying to get to sleep isn’t the best start when you’re trying to fix your sleep habits.  So make sure you leave enough time after food to sit up, digest and have a more comfortable rest when it comes to bedtime. What are you watching? Dreams usually draw reference to the last thing you’ve watched. So, if you have found that you’re usually waking up with a start from a stressful or scary dream, what were you watching earlier? Dreams aren’t real  It’s easy to get drawn into your dreams, especially if they’re lucid they can feel pretty real.  If you find yourself waking up and unable to get back to sleep, it’s important to remind yourself that it isn’t real, and especially in the middle of the night your fear/stress can be exacerbated. This is no reason to feel a need to stay awake. You are in control of those dreams and so you can just and well create a new, more positive dream state for yourself. Firstly, think about the dream – why would you be having it? Where would those thoughts h... https://www.youtube.com/embed/00c9fv9ZyFc 2020-07-01T20:44:34.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/is-anxiety-the-problem-no-its-not 2020-06-24T20:06:01.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/JiYRhUGiWNM/hqdefault.jpg Why Do I Feel Anxious For No Reason? | Understand Your Anxiety If you struggle with controlling anxiety, it’s good to address the reasons behind it and why you might hide from any anxious feelings that come up for you. Does it help or hinder? When you feel anxious, the first thing you must realise is that anxiety is a feeling that is actually trying to help you. It is there to protect you from anything that you could consider dangerous. This is why you will likely run away from something making you feel like this. Sometimes though, what your mind considers ‘dangerous’ is actually something that just needs to be confronted and resolved. Don’t create distance, create a new journey When you run away from anxiety, your mind will simply store that anxiety, and send another (stronger) signal each time it feels it needs to. This snowball of emotions can even lead to depression if not addressed and fixed.  Turning your attention to your anxiety is tough though, which is why you might want to just run or ignore it. Things that can also get in the way include: Drugs and alcohol Hobbies that take control of your life. e.g gambling Procrastination  Essentially, what you are doing in these cases is something you enjoy, is familiar or acts as a distraction. This is when you can create an overwhelming feeling for yourself that can become harder and harder to resolve. Controlling anxiety and being happy Consider what happens when you’re happy. When you are feeling happy, you go on to do that thing to keep making you happy. This is can help in controlling anxiety. When you feel anxious, staying with the feeling and powering through is the most powerful way to come out the other side happier and more fulfilled. Consider that not only will you be able to conquer your anxiety, but you will also learn something new about yourself at the end of it. Stop seeing anxiety as the problem Lots of us need a little help controlling anxiety from time to time. This is an issue that I want to shine a light on more, as you likely see anxiety as a problem, bu... https://www.youtube.com/embed/JiYRhUGiWNM 2020-06-24T20:06:01.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/what-can-you-learn-from-gaming 2020-06-10T20:55:26.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/2B0Byw_svDA/hqdefault.jpg What Have We Learnt About Video Games? | My Series on Gaming I’ve made it to the end of my gaming journey. All-in-all, I hope it can help you to understand why you play games, why you find it hard to stop, and also how to use what you have learnt playing video games to your advantage. The good side of gaming As I have talked about from when I covered the advantages of video games , they can help you to emotionally and physically increase intelligence and problem-solving skills. This means that you are more likely to take calculated risks and not fear failure. What a great skill to have in the real world! However  What I found was that many people find that transition difficult – from gaming to the real world. And not just the transition, but also acting and using the skills that they have gained. This can be really frustrating, so it’s natural to want to go back to what you know best – games. This is also why trolling is such a large part of the gaming world, as it is the only way to vent your discontent in a ‘safe’ and ‘controlled’ way. That doesn’t mean it is good and neither a beneficial outlet for your feelings. So, let’s pause for a second Even though it can seem hard to make that move from games to real life, it is totally possible to level up in the real world using the tools you have. So, in my mind, it comes back to not feeling safe enough in the physical world. When you are in your own bubble where you can attempt, fail, try again and repeat without the fear of judgement and randomness of the physical world, anything else can feel completely out of your control. The main thing I want you to get out of this series, is the ability to see your strengths for what they are, and that even though you might feel like you have not gained much from the experience, there is so much that you have learnt and absorbed without you realising it. Once you realise this, you can take what you know and apply it to your real life. Essentially, being as confident as you are in your RPG in RL too. Read the rest in this series: I was a ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/2B0Byw_svDA 2020-06-10T20:55:26.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/lets-talk-gaming 2020-06-03T20:26:56.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/EQgfeuZ6Kmo/hqdefault.jpg Why Are We Even Talking About Video Games? Are you into gaming? Me too. Over some time I have been taking you through the pros, cons, reasons, and resolutions to not being able to tear yourself away from video games . I wanted to cover this more than other topics because it is something I can relate to and have done for a huge portion of my life. So, as I have been taking you through why you play video games and whether it is a good or a bad thing, it’s best for me to explain why I felt that this series would be massively helpful to so many of you. The good, the bad and the ugly of gaming It’s all well and good encouraging you to stop playing games and to focus on real-life more often. It’s far more beneficial however to take what you have learned from the experience and connect to it in a different way instead. This means rejigging how you see this habit as not just a thing that is taking up time, but for the skills it has given you. Otherwise, everything that you have learnt from gaming will indeed be time wasted. Use it or lose it! I honestly feel you should use everything. The problem-solving, the creativity, the dedication to complete a task/level, the social aspect, and anything else you can think of. And just like trying over and over again in video games, so too can you learn to use this in the real world. So with this playlist? I want you to reach your full potential by understanding what is holding you back. Stop, learn and use your successes and failures to achieve more in your life. Understand that there is nothing wrong with playing video games but don’t get stuck in the same repetitive loop that isn’t refined to just video games.  Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/EQgfeuZ6Kmo 2020-06-03T20:26:56.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/loneliness-awareness-week-conquer-being-lonely-in-isolation 2020-05-20T20:18:47.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/CeRkWxAmuK8/hqdefault.jpg How To Stop The Feeling of Loneliness | Loneliness Awareness Week | Why Do I Feel So Alone? It is loneliness awareness week. With the coronavirus at the forefront of our minds, you might be feeling lonely. And that won’t just be the case for people living on their own. Loneliness can even sneak up on you when you’re surrounded by others. I’m lonely – is there something wrong with me? This is a common thought if you live with family or friends and still feel lonely, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Having people around you physically doesn’t mean that you feel that way inside. There are three key points that you just need to focus on for yourself to help you through this The Physical Mental Emotional Firstly, if you don’t connect with someone emotionally then it can be difficult to find support during this pandemic. Even if you have things in common with someone, connecting emotionally is still a vital part of a supportive relationship. On the other hand, your most emotionally supportive friend or relative may be at the other end of the phone, but not with you right now. This is another difficult hurdle as phone, text, or video just can’t really offer the same connection as face-to-face. If you are in either of these situations, firstly ask yourself what you want from the people around you. If they aren’t able to give this to you (and be realistic about what they can do for you) then find connection with someone that can. For example, if you are in a house share but can really connect with your mum who is on the other side of the country, keep up a regular catch up with her. You can use that time to talk about what you wish, and this will create an organic space where you can open up in the moment. Loneliness is a state of being trying to show you that something is missing in your life. This is a tricky time for everyone, especially when there are so many restrictions on our social lives. There are ways around conquering your loneliness though. Taking that first step and accepting a window to open up to another is when that connection can sol... https://www.youtube.com/embed/CeRkWxAmuK8 2020-05-20T20:18:47.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-stop-playing-video-games-and-learn-from-them 2020-05-06T21:36:51.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/pETfiNT1bf4/hqdefault.jpg You Can Use Video Games to Aid Your Life | My Easy Steps I’ve talked previously about video games and why we find it so hard to quit playing. As I have talked about previously, I went through the challenge of having to tear myself away from video games. I want to share my five tips on how you can stop yourself. Time management There is nothing wrong with playing video games, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your day to day life in a negative way. What can this look like? You might be unable to focus, or even that you’re not getting enough sleep because you find it hard to put the controller down. You could have any reason to want to step away. What is important to remember though is that time you are gaining from stepping away, must be replaced with something else. Even if that is sleep, this is something that you were lacking before and so a positive reason to stop. So, simply lowering your gameplay won’t do the trick, ensure that you are going to focus your attention on something else. New skills Don’t think that the time you’ve spent playing video games has been wasted, you’ve gained useful skills from it including problem-solving and validation. Now, you can use these skills to achieve things in other areas of your life. New hobbies (not video games) Outside of video games, what else do you want to achieve? Is there anything important that you’ve been procrastinating about? Once you see the value in other jobs or hobbies, you can see more of a reason to play less. Alongside this always remember that your gameplay time wasn’t wasted, the things you learnt from it do come in handing in many other hobbies and activities.  Use your skills to succeed at something that is giving both the physical and online part of yourself value and happiness. Reframing failure Anytime you want to change something in your life, there is bound to be a failure. This is with anything and anyone trying something new. When you’re playing you learn that you can fail over and over again but still pick yourself up and try again. And not onl... https://www.youtube.com/embed/pETfiNT1bf4 2020-05-06T21:36:51.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/its-ok-to-be-anxious-coronavirus-update 2020-04-29T20:36:38.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/qR8GTTx6xK4/hqdefault.jpg Coronavirus Anxiety Updates | Is Coronavirus Making You Anxious? | Take Control Of Your Anxiety I hope everyone is healthy and still staying safe while we all tackle Coronavirus. If you’re experiencing pandemic anxiety, you’re not alone. As we all sit at home, baking everything there is to bake, repairing everything that needs to be repaired, and playing every Zoom quiz possible – we are almost two months into social distancing, so it can be anxiety-inducing to not know when things might change. There is a felt lack of control that will make anyone anxious. Especially as the majority of our freedom has been taken away (and rightfully so). When you try to push for control in other aspects of your life, this is when anxiety can kick in and make things even more difficult. Pandemic anxiety – what can you do? Anxiety can pop up for various reasons at the moment. The obvious one is the coronavirus in general and the many unanswered questions hovering over it. This is especially difficult because there isn’t much that can be done. Worrying about coronavirus should be seen as a good thing first because it means you are taking it seriously and looking after yourself and others. What you should not focus on however, is checking the news constantly for updates or hoping you will wake up one morning and things will be back to normal. It’s best to set yourself boundaries to keep your mental health in check. You can do this by limiting how many times you check the news for example, or offer to help your neighbours in whatever way you can. Keeping yourself occupied is a great way to rid your anxiety about this pandemic. Control It’s an understatement that life has changed for all of us these past few months. Not only can this be stressful but frustrating and I’ll bet anger-inducing too. Angry because you don’t know where to put all of your built-up recycling, or simply yet, angry because you just want to be able to pop out for a pint. What I talk about time and time again is addressing these feelings . And this is what I want to bring your focus to now. All of these feel... https://www.youtube.com/embed/qR8GTTx6xK4 2020-04-29T20:36:38.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-do-i-feel-sad-coronavirus-update 2020-04-22T20:36:20.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/x8HE84SpM5A/hqdefault.jpg Why Do I Feel So Sad During The CoronaVirus Lockdown? | Covid 19| It’s been a challenging time for the entire world at the moment amidst the Coronavirus pandemic. But it’s pretty normal to feel sad every now and then. You’re probably wondering why do I feel sad? I get to be home all day and do things in my own time like I always wanted. Well, it sounds great on paper but the reality can be very different. Hit pause Essentially your entire life is on pause at the moment. This sounds like a good deal but this also means even a lot of your goals, hopes, dreams and ambitions are on pause too.  When this happens you can, a lot of the time, lose steam for what you wanted and so that dream doesn’t seem so exciting anymore. But let’s not give up hope and remember that there is an end to all this. Lack of control Now, things are on pause but life does have to go on. Albeit in a somewhat limiting way, but even though we are limited in what we can and can’t do, it’s important to take back control of things. This means even though you can’t go to the gym right now, bring the gym to you. Find an online personal trainer who you like or use things around the house as equipment. Or now that you can’t go to your favourite brunch spot, recreate it at home and arrange a Zoom brunch with friends. Finding a means to an end is what will ensure that you don’t feel like things have spiralled to a point where you don’t have a hold on your life. Feeling sad? Make space Even though you care deeply for your family, none of us are used to being in such close proximity to them for this length of time. This can be very hard because we need our own space. So, it’s important to note this and not feel like your feelings about your family are changing whilst in isolation. Don’t feel bad for wanting to take time for yourself. So maybe arrange a way for everyone in your household to get some personal time and reset. Even in close proximity, this can be possible, even if it’s a ‘Do Not Disturb Hour’ or a pamper morning in the bathroom.  These small moments are the ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/x8HE84SpM5A 2020-04-22T20:36:20.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/were-all-emotional-coronavirus-update 2020-04-15T22:00:05.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/rbgmyGkMI4c/hqdefault.jpg Stuck at Home? How to Control Your Emotions | Coronavirus Self-Isolation (Covid 19) This has been a very emotional time for many of us. With coronavirus taking over our social lives, what we do, where we go and who we see, it’s no surprise that emotions would be running high. I’ve felt it myself – where I would feel frustrated, anxious or just sad because I couldn’t pop out for a coffee or do my usual routine of going to the gym. Essentially I would feel stuck. Feeling emotional about our new ‘normal’ The difficulty is in finding a new ‘normal’ with so many restrictions in place. This combined with self-isolation, where you would likely have to spend a lot more time than usual with family members. It’s great in one respect, but restricting, again, in another. You’re probably asking yourself, where can I find my own space!? It’s completely normal to want your own space, so if you are feeling some kind of emotional guilt for wanting to step away from the family, then you should know that this is very much understandable – and just as important to your mental health. This space for yourself will also help you establish a new normal within your home. This should include your own personal time and the right balance of time with others in your household. Your emotions…  This change or, rather, complete disposal of your routine is what can heighten your emotions. And that would be why you aren’t even able to recognise where the emotions are coming from and why you feel this way. When you are thrown into a completely different scenario, everything will seem new and questionable. But, the majority of us will be feeling emotional too. So, attempt to reclaim some autonomy and space in a balanced way that will also cater to others in your home. This will prevent you or anyone else acting out irrationally. Remember We are all in this together and this includes working together with your close ones to create a positive space for the future. What I want to address in some future posts is to zero in on the types of emotions you might be feeling during this time... https://www.youtube.com/embed/rbgmyGkMI4c 2020-04-15T22:00:05.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/coronavirus-taking-over-your-life 2020-03-25T19:44:26.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Hf5z_PET42o/hqdefault.jpg Coronavirus (COVID-19) What Do I Do Now? The words on everyone’s lips at the moment is Coronavirus. And why wouldn’t it be? The entire world is practically on standstill. We have now been asked to stay at home, to save ourselves, save others and save the NHS. These are likely the most testing times for us, and many other generations will ever experience. So, now it is as important as ever to ensure that your mental health is in a strong and healthy condition. What is needed at this time is for you to feel an element of control at a time when your freedom and (somewhat) choice has been taken away. I want to explain how you can get this from the comfort of your home. I watched Kati Morton’s recent video and it gave me the idea to talk a bit more about staying in control and quelling your anxiety. Control yourself Now, it’s a given that we must quell our Coronavirus anxiety, but I want to address how you can use this time to feel more in control of your life. You’re probably going around and around, looking at the news, speaking to others about what they’re doing or not doing, and the latest reports are sapping up your thoughts, feelings and time. You can move forward This will probably take up a lot of the time that you feel that you are wasting sitting at home, but let’s take a look at what you can actually get done. I had to leave Whatsapp groups where everyone was just sharing what they had heard about or the next steps for the British Government. It’s great to be updated, but it shouldn’t overwhelm you or be the be-all and end-all of your day. So, really think about this: What had you been putting off doing because you either didn’t have time before or were simply neglecting it.? What is painting that bathroom? Or getting fitter? This is a great time to take advantage of what you can achieve. Many of you can come out of this stronger and on a much more promising road to growth and development. Put yourself in the best position for when the Coronavirus outbreak is under control. Stay at home The number... https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hf5z_PET42o 2020-03-25T19:44:26.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dMOhYAubXG0/hqdefault.jpg Coronavirus taking over your life? The words on everyone’s lips at the moment is Coronavirus. And why wouldn’t it be? The entire world is practically on standstill. We have now been asked to stay at home, to save ourselves, save others and save the NHS. These are likely the most testing times for us, and many other generations will ever experience. So, now it is as important as ever to ensure that your mental health is in a strong and healthy condition. What is needed at this time is for you to feel an element of control at a time when your freedom and (somewhat) choice has been taken away. I want to explain how you can get this from the comfort of your home. I watched Kati Morton’s recent video and it gave me the idea to talk a bit more about staying in control and quelling your anxiety. Control yourself Now, it’s a given that we must quell our Coronavirus anxiety, but I want to address how you can use this time to feel more in control of your life. You’re probably going around and around, looking at the news, speaking to others about what they’re doing or not doing, and the latest reports are sapping up your thoughts, feelings and time. You can move forward This will probably take up a lot of the time that you feel that you are wasting sitting at home, but let’s take a look at what you can actually get done. I had to leave Whatsapp groups where everyone was just sharing what they had heard about or the next steps for the British Government. It’s great to be updated, but it shouldn’t overwhelm you or be the be-all and end-all of your day. So, really think about this: What had you been putting off doing because you either didn’t have time before or were simply neglecting it.? What is painting that bathroom? Or getting fitter? This is a great time to take advantage of what you can achieve. Many of you can come out of this stronger and on a much more promising road to growth and development. Put yourself in the best position for when the Coronavirus outbreak is under control. Stay at home The number... https://www.youtube.com/embed/dMOhYAubXG0 2020-03-25T19:44:26.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-video-games-helped-me 2020-03-11T20:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/WGoRt4A_xRE/hqdefault.jpg How Video Games Helped ME To Succeed | How to be Successful | VLOG As I have been discussing video games for a while now, you’re probably thinking, what makes you eligible to talk about this? Well, my past strongly involved video games too. It was a large part of my life and even though there came a point where I decided to stop, I still learned a lot from that era of my life.  This is where I want to share how video games helped me. How Video Games Helped Me To Succeed – Therapy in London Talking the talk and walking the walk As in a previous post I went through how gaming can benefit your life, here is my experience of using video games to benefit my own life. Drive When I would play games, I wanted to be the best. Simply put, if you put a game in front of me, I had to beat it and win over anyone else playing. When I stopped, I used that persistence to get myself to the gym and beat my personal best each week. I also would walk into an interview and want to be the best and win that job.  I found that drive I had gained from ‘winning’ to be so useful in my day-to-day life once I actively triggered it in real life. Ambition With that drive that I had gained came a want to get better each time and want to grow in anything I set my mind to. When it came to starting my business, I was always on the lookout for what could make it grow or what could help me achieve my goals. Not giving up Like I’ve mentioned before, when you play a video game, you learn to fail, brush yourself off and learn from your mistakes when you start again.  This is a huge skill to gain, as nothing can be made perfect the first time you do it. When I stepped out into the real world, it wasn’t as big of a step to convince myself that things might not always go my way but that’s ok! What is failure? Again, failure is normal in the gaming world, so it wasn’t a far stretch for me to dust myself off when my website would go down. I’d simply step and get down to how I can fix it and succeed. Games and getting to the finish line Like I said earlier, when I would play... https://www.youtube.com/embed/WGoRt4A_xRE 2020-03-11T20:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-i-had-to-give-up-video-games 2020-02-26T20:51:43.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hPgfwrgMHkI/hqdefault.jpg WHY I GAVE UP VIDEO GAMES As I have mentioned in a few other posts , I wanted to start a discussion about why I had to give up video games – a hobby that I know too well. Arcades were a huge part of my life for years, and I had to make a decision at one point to either embrace the hold it had on me and sacrifice other areas of my life or, take a step back and enhance the skills I’d already developed in the arcades to better myself within the real world. How did I give up video games? Now, this was a tough decision to make, I had like-minded gamer friends and it was a huge part of my identity, but something had to give as I wasn’t actually moving forward in life as a grown adult.  I took the creativity and problem-solving skills that I had developed and used them to enhance other areas of my life. And the reward circuit in my brain that was used to seeking validation from leveling up, well I took that and used it to dedicate myself to completing tasks and winning a job. It wasn’t all a bed of roses, however… It wasn’t all a positive learning curve, however. When I was playing games, I was unhealthily overweight and I spent most of my time in my room alone. As I wasn’t happy I thought being the best at a game would help and I would feel validated. But then, when I started going through the levels and it stopped being fun, I decided to put down the controller. This isn’t to say that it was a complete waste of time as I have said. I used that drive and motivation to succeed (albeit at Plants vs Zombies) to instead develop as a business owner; learning every aspect of business development and also making positive changes in my social life. This is easier said than done, but if you break it down there are three simple steps that you can take to help you out of that gaming spiral you might find yourself in too: Decide what you want. As once you know this, then you can create a path for yourself to get there. How can you use your skills? It might not be very obvious, but all games contain aspects... https://www.youtube.com/embed/hPgfwrgMHkI 2020-02-26T20:51:43.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ebvIWhnUD2E/hqdefault.jpg Why I had to give up video games As I have mentioned in a few other posts , I wanted to start a discussion about why I had to give up video games – a hobby that I know too well. Arcades were a huge part of my life for years, and I had to make a decision at one point to either embrace the hold it had on me and sacrifice other areas of my life or, take a step back and enhance the skills I’d already developed in the arcades to better myself within the real world. How did I give up video games? Now, this was a tough decision to make, I had like-minded gamer friends and it was a huge part of my identity, but something had to give as I wasn’t actually moving forward in life as a grown adult.  I took the creativity and problem-solving skills that I had developed and used them to enhance other areas of my life. And the reward circuit in my brain that was used to seeking validation from leveling up, well I took that and used it to dedicate myself to completing tasks and winning a job. It wasn’t all a bed of roses, however… It wasn’t all a positive learning curve, however. When I was playing games, I was unhealthily overweight and I spent most of my time in my room alone. As I wasn’t happy I thought being the best at a game would help and I would feel validated. But then, when I started going through the levels and it stopped being fun, I decided to put down the controller. This isn’t to say that it was a complete waste of time as I have said. I used that drive and motivation to succeed (albeit at Plants vs Zombies) to instead develop as a business owner; learning every aspect of business development and also making positive changes in my social life. This is easier said than done, but if you break it down there are three simple steps that you can take to help you out of that gaming spiral you might find yourself in too: Decide what you want. As once you know this, then you can create a path for yourself to get there. How can you use your skills? It might not be very obvious, but all games contain aspects... https://www.youtube.com/embed/ebvIWhnUD2E 2020-02-26T20:51:43.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-level-up-in-real-life-using-your-gaming-skills 2020-02-19T19:30:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/pETfiNT1bf4/hqdefault.jpg You Can Use Video Games to Aid Your Life | My Easy Steps Last week I wanted to start a discussion on video games, and not just how they can negatively affect your real life, but the positive impact that gaming skills can have. This week, I want to start to answer the question of how you can use the positives of gaming to help you in other aspects of your life. Watch the video. Winning When you level up it feels great, doesn’t it? So start winning in real life. Create pathways for rewards for things that are important to you. These small rewards will give you the drive and ambition to go out and get it. So, want to hoover the lounge but can’t wait to see the next episode of Stranger Things? Make the season finale your reward once you’ve done the hoovering.  And you’ll find that the more you do this you are then physically changing the parts of your brain linked to rewards and it will become second nature. Critical thinking Any game has one solid rule or goal, you must solve a problem to move forward within the game.  Now, this is unsurprisingly a reasonable expectation for moving forward in real life also. So, critical thinking – or rather working out ways to solve problems, is a very useful skill to gain from playing video games. Work ethic A Lot of games nowadays require a lot of commitment, so why not bring this into your real life too? It’s a lot of work to start up again, work as hard as possible to succeed, but likely fail several times only to pick yourself up and try again. Confidence With this strong work ethic, you also have the gained confidence to try many different journeys or methods to succeed. If you have that confidence in your gaming worlds then the leap isn’t as big as you might think to bring it into the real world. Have many people told you in your game-chat that you’re hilarious and know what you’re talking about most of the time?  That is the real you, just with confidence in something you’re passionate about, so it is in you to bring out more often. Fearlessness With confidence naturally comes a ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/pETfiNT1bf4 2020-02-19T19:30:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/this-is-how-gaming-can-be-a-useful-skill 2020-02-12T22:34:08.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/09XttNVZ5S4/hqdefault.jpg Are Games Good For You? | The Positive Impact of Gaming (5 Positives) For the past few weeks, I have been going through the ins and outs of playing games. Now, so far I have mentioned the negative impact that playing games can have on your day to day life, but this time I want to share the positive attributes of playing video games. And yes there are some… Watch my latest video Learning through playing games! So, firstly you have the cognitive benefits – essentially the intelligence of gaming is huge.  You have probably been told many times that sitting in front of a screen leads to concentration problems, eye strain and laziness. But actually, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The interactiveness of video games has shown growth in attention-span, problem-solving and decision making to name just a few. There have even been studies to support the fact that video games increase grey matter, which is the physical growth of the brain. So, technically, the more games you play the smarter you can become. Cool as a cucumber Confidence and memory function have been linked to random reward generation, which is one of the core mechanics of many RPG and mobile games.  Therefore when you are engrossed in a game, your ability to develop your skills, and move further increases. Taking a risk And from that, your ability to take risks increases. And this is even the hardest step to achieve in any aspect of life. So take that next big step as you have proved to yourself over and over again in gameplay that you can do it and succeed. To fail or not to fail? Leading from that risk you want to take, fear of failure can of course hold you back from trying something. But this is where video games can test you, and as you are tested over and over again, you are exposed to the experience of failure and what it feels like. This can create a thicker skin for the real world. Now, this is all well and good, but this isn’t the whole image that video games have, and for good reason. There are negative aspects too and this is why it is so important to kno... https://www.youtube.com/embed/09XttNVZ5S4 2020-02-12T22:34:08.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-cant-i-stop-playing-games 2020-02-06T10:30:36.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RKuGphryaIg/hqdefault.jpg Why Can't I Stop Playing Video Games? | How to Break the Cycle Video games have become an extremely popular, and all-consuming hobby for some people. And I hear from many that they can feel like they can’t stop playing games. This comes from an acknowledgment that they might be spending too much time playing games, but something is holding them back from simply holding off. This is part of my series on gaming and the many reasons why you might start, the good and the bad and in this post I want to explain why you can’t stop. Validation When you play, the more you play the better you get, and when you become the best. The validation you get from others will prevent you from wanting to stop. Because if you stop, you might not be the best anymore. No risk Many games come with multiple lives, and not only that but once you lose all your lives, all that happens is you start again. It’s a comforting feeling to not have any risk in what you are doing, and that feeling can be hard to let go of. The problem with this is that you are avoiding any risk in the real world. You can find yourself hiding behind your games because it feels like you are achieving something. But you’re actually avoiding any kind of real life failure that you can learn from. Random reward structure I can confidently say that nearly all games are programmed to entice you to keep playing, they do this by feeding your nuggets of rewards, boosters, accolades, or anything that will leave you wanting more. This circle you will find yourself in will stop you wanting to walk away with no end in sight. <h3> Stop playing games </h3> All of these aspects to gaming can lead to feeling as if the real world is a scary, unpredictable place (which it is) and a real fear of failure. This is a habit that can be difficult to break from but not an impossible task. That are simple steps you can take to help you break the repetitive habit of playing video games. Therapy in London YouTube https://www.youtube.com/embed/RKuGphryaIg 2020-02-06T10:30:36.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/are-video-games-ruining-your-life 2020-01-29T20:50:55.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/2KCyrgXPHuo/hqdefault.jpg Are Games Ruining Your Life? | The Negative Impact of Video Games Many of us have had experiences with video games where you just can’t stop playing them. Whether you want to be the next person to win Fortnite or you can’t get enough of Candy Crush, it’s a feeling all too familiar. Many like that feeling of not wanting to put a game down because you are so consumed by it, but what effect is it having on your day to day life? As a previous gamer myself, I want to delve into gaming – why it can be good, why it can be bad, and in this section, I’m going to do through how it is actually impacting your life. A bad romance It isn’t to say that there is anything wrong with playing video games at all. In fact, I will be discussing the more positive reasons to play games in the future, but although games are a way to relax after a long day, they can give a somewhat unrealistic expectation on how your life should go. Play, die, repeat Now in real life, there is no reset button, and that can seem scary. You can’t just pick up where you left off, and so you must learn to pick yourself up and try again. This can be frustrating when you’re used to losing a life and just carrying on. How do you go from that to real-life failure? The rulebook You rely on others to tell you what to do; how to play the game and how to win, but this reliance isn’t realistic. There is no way for you to create outside the rules of the game – and this stifles creativity. Level up! When you level up, do you feel a huge sense of gratification? Completing a level or gaining an achievement is all there to help you feel good and to continue playing. But that’s short-term validation as it helps you to have fun, but doesn’t lead to long term growth and change? Stuck in a loop Once you’re used to gaining instant gratification from doing the same thing over and over again, or something similar, this behaviour keeps you locked into playing again and again. You end up feeling safe in this loop and you become used to a lack of challenge in your life. Rewards! Lastly, random rew... https://www.youtube.com/embed/2KCyrgXPHuo 2020-01-29T20:50:55.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/i-was-a-gamer-and-it-helped-me 2020-01-22T20:19:08.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ebvIWhnUD2E/hqdefault.jpg How Gaming Influenced My Life | Take Advantage of Your Passion As a former gamer, I know too well that video games can have some kind of implication in your real life. This can either be in a good, or bad way, and I want to go through how and when you should start to consider changing your gaming habits. Bad reputation Video games can have a reputation for being a waste of time and addictive. but is that really the case?   If you take a look at each circumstance that you as a gamer find yourself in, playing these games can help with problem-solving skills and even make you feel pretty empowered. Life as a gamer I used to spend a lot of my time in the arcades perfecting my gaming skills, and it was a large part of my life – so much I so I still can’t part with my retro consoles. As I can relate to this popular hobby, I want to be able to help others in the gaming community understand the detriment of playing games and also how it can actually help you in your life. So it doesn’t have to just hinder you, it can be used to good, too. The gaming series I want to really dig deep on this topic so this will be one of a few parts in a series where I will take you through the ups, downs, squares, and circles of gaming and applying it to your real life. My intention here isn’t to make a stern decision that gaming is either good or bad. I want to help maximise your potential in the real world so that you don’t become stuck with a habit that is taking up your time and space; mentally and physically. As with any habit or time-consuming hobby, I want to show you that you can pivot on it and use that energy in a more productive and rewarding way. Therapy in London Subscribe to my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/embed/ebvIWhnUD2E 2020-01-22T20:19:08.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/do-you-trust-yourself-you-should-and-heres-how 2019-12-11T20:29:26.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/jaDVW31jThE/hqdefault.jpg Do you trust yourself? You should and here’s how Trust is a key part of not only having confidence but also general success and being happy. If you don’t trust yourself and others, it can be pretty difficult to find success. If you want to start gaining more trust, then I would like to offer my three steps to doing so. As part of my series on confidence, the last part of this is learning how to trust yourself. Trust yourself Firstly trust that what you are doing is worthwhile. It can be easy to convince yourself that anything you need or want to do is a pointless task and so you won’t even bother. Along with this, just have faith in yourself that you have what it takes to do it and do it well. If you don’t, you’ll end up dwelling on if it is the right thing to do rather than actually doing it. And you won’t know what is the right or wrong way until you actually try – so don’t try to predict the future. Reform your image You’re not alone in having based your identity on what others expect of you and what others have told you about yourself. With these expectations from other people, your image doesn’t end up being a true representation of who you are, what you can do and what you can achieve. So, shake off this perspective to look past them and inside yourself instead. In a lot of instances, you have likely told yourself you can’t – even when you can – because that’s what you have been told. Have faith in what you’re doing Having faith in yourself isn’t just about being successful at everything, but about your own opinions and how you see the world in general. This makes up a huge part of who you are which you probably haven’t thought about in a very long time! Once you know what you want to set out to do and what you believe in, then you can have faith in your judgement, and therefore give it the full time and energy that it deserves. Remember, something that is important to you might not be important to others. And that’s OK. Simply know that what you are doing is right for you. Dedicate more time to YOU! My f... https://www.youtube.com/embed/jaDVW31jThE 2019-12-11T20:29:26.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/do-you-want-to-keep-toxic-people-out-of-your-life 2019-09-18T19:38:23.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/SrAB8ohyRmQ/hqdefault.jpg Do you want to keep toxic people out of your life? I have spoken in the past about the problem of having toxic people in your life. This week I want to talk about and help you remove those people from your life, and keep them out for good. There are some steps that you can take to move forward with no one but positive and influential people. Know yourself This is the first step because before you begin to question the influence people have around you, you need to know who you are and what you want first. This is because once you know who you are, you can then be more aware of what others expect of you and if that matches with who you want to be. Validation This is a question that you need to ask yourself. Where do you get your validation from? Is it from toxic people? Consider how you feel when someone compliments your shoes, you feel great. But, if you start basing your outfit every day around wearing those shoes simply to get a compliment, then this can create an imbalance. You begin to base what you think, do and say around others expectations. A normal percentage for wanting others’ validation should be 30% – the rest should be from your own actions and the decisions you make independently from another person’s input. Foundations With this newfound validation that you will create for yourself, you need to build strong foundations. This means being strong and set in the decisions you make, otherwise, you can fall back to the previous two steps pretty swiftly. When this happens you will, again, find yourself with the same people or even finding new toxic people. Be kind Being kind applies to everything and everyone, but specifically, I meanbe kind to yourself. Creating this new lifestyle and new foundations can be tough. So, be forgiving to yourself and remember that many people will probably tell you that you are wrong and question your choices. If you know that it feels right for you, however, then move forward with the confidence to ignore the negativity from toxic people. Toxic people take patience This is ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/SrAB8ohyRmQ 2019-09-18T19:38:23.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/you-can-get-inspired-and-heres-how 2019-09-04T21:19:45.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/sZIBBQeQQTI/hqdefault.jpg You can get inspired! Here’s how Do you always feel a lack of inspiration? Or maybe that feeling inspired is completely unobtainable? This can happen to many, but you do have a surprising amount of power over this. It isn’t simply a case of inspiration striking like a bolt of lighting. I want to share how you can get yourself into that inspired mindset. Childlike innocence This innocence doesn’t mean just acting like a child and not taking responsibility. Instead, I am talking about the inquisitive side of a child’s mind. Reflect back to how everything was new to you as a child, and take yourself into that mindset. Once you begin to question every small detail, you’ll find inspiration in more places than you know. Motivation This is difficult, but finding drive and motivation is a huge driving force behind feeling inspired. It is tiring and sometimes boring, but getting your initial revs going will set you off in the right direction. You might not even know what you are doing or where you are going with it at first, but accept it and live with the stress and tension that might come alongside it. Trust and believe With that drive must come a belief in yourself. So keep at it, even if you feel like inspiration is not coming, it will, and combined with a little motivation, you’ll find that trust in yourself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Consistency This is a very important aspect of finding inspiration. Consistency is what creates a trust in yourself to be able to complete and succeed what you need to do. Once you are consistent in what you do, you are able to build a path that you know well and start off that ripple effect of trusting yourself and then finding that drive and motivation. Feel inspired and most importantly, have fun This isn’t addressed enough, but having fun means that you will find that focus to stick to your goals. Whatever you are doing, question why you are doing it and what you enjoy about it. With this, you can subconsciously push yourself to do what you nee... https://www.youtube.com/embed/sZIBBQeQQTI 2019-09-04T21:19:45.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-much-do-you-value-yourself-easy-steps-to-confidence 2019-11-27T21:01:09.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/kRsAQodVMk0/hqdefault.jpg Know your worth:How much do you value yourself? In the past few weeks, I have been covering confidence . Last time I discussed building self-esteem and how it is the foundation for building up your overall confidence.Next, I’m talking about how to value yourself. Value yourself This week, I want to cover your self-worth. This is because you must believe that you as an individual can do anything if you put your mind to it and even if you find that you can’t, you have the ability to learn. So, self-worth is a feeling that you have the right to prioritise for yourself. Know your worth, what you need and what you want. Be selfish! This is an interesting thought to ponder, that if you don’t feel important enough, how are you ever going to feel confident in your ability to learn from your mistakes? And if you can’t do this then you can have real trouble working up the confidence to try anything new.? Overall, self-worth means being a bit more selfish! And not in terms of putting yourself before others in a negative way, but being selfish with your time and accepting what you want for yourself. Ask yourself why you are not prioritising your needs? What have you been told in the past? As this can take a huge toll on how you value your own self-worth. Another reason can be your thoughts on how others will see you? It’s common to have a fear of others? judgements. And finally, do you have a fear of failure? You can devalue yourself based on your low expectations for your success. Therapy in London Subscribe to my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/embed/kRsAQodVMk0 2019-11-27T21:01:09.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/want-more-self-esteem-use-this-very-easy-technique 2019-11-20T19:42:13.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7RjOA47W7Lg/hqdefault.jpg Want more self-esteem? Use this (very easy) technique Self-esteem and confidence go hand-in-hand, so I would like to offer a very simple technique to improve on both. The foundations of confidence is having the self-esteem to know that you are good enough to try anything and that others’ opinion is just that, an opinion that you can overrule. Without this self-esteem, it can make it much harder to bounce back and actually try something new when you are criticised or even questioned. Building self-esteem There are a few ways to go about this. Firstly, reflect on yourself and what your strengths and weaknesses are. This is very useful because once you realise your strengths, you can embrace them and gain the confidence to move forward in life with your strengths at tow. Realising your weaknesses will allow you to accept where you may fail, what you can improve on, what your limits are and when it is necessary to listen to others’ advice. Knowing both the good and the bad of yourself is a huge step in gaining that self-esteem that you need. Embrace them! Next, you need to maximise your potential using your strengths. Also limit your exposure to situations you may be weak at until you have learnt how to improve on them. What do you believe? Lastly, have the belief that you can do it no matter what. You may not know the right way, but knowing what you want and with your strengths and weaknesses at hand, you can find the way. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, but it is how you use them and being honest with yourself with what they are which will help you develop a significant amount of self confidence to succeed. This is the second in my series on confidence, so have a look at my previous post on my technique for gaining overall confidence . Next week will be on the topic of self-worth and the natural progression from self-esteem. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/7RjOA47W7Lg 2019-11-20T19:42:13.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/gain-confidence-in-yourself 2019-11-14T11:02:20.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/yB7G6PCm6Ik/hqdefault.jpg Gain Confidence in yourself! Wondering how to gain confidence? I hear a lot of people say very matter of factly that they are ‘not a very confident person – meaning you are identifying as an unconfident person. Confidence is something that you can grow and develop. It shouldn’t be your identity. Confidence gives you the ability to try new things and ultimately get what you want. So, without confidence, you will find yourself unable to move forward in life. You can find yourself stuck with a fear of the unknown. How to gain confidence Really, gaining confidence means knowing what you want and what to do. For example, you know how to get out of bed, brush your teeth and get dressed; everything you do is done because you are used to doing it and comes with practice and experience. The three pillars of self-confidence These three pillars are a guide in the right direction to confidence. These are self-esteem, self-worth, and trust. Once you know how to build on these, you can build up your confidence too. Self-esteem If you like yourself, you can do anything. So, what are you proud that you have achieved and are you good at? Your self-esteem will come from you acknowledging your own abilities and using them proudly. Self-worth Self-esteem is all well and good, but without self-worth, you will never feel like it is worth your time to make the effort or utilise your abilities. Realise that that putting in the time to do what makes you happy is deserving of not only you but also everyone around you. Confidence will come from you raising your self-worth considerably. Trust Trust yourself and trust others too. Both go hand in hand to you being able to embrace your self-esteem, self-worth and gain the confidence that you deserve for yourself. This is the start of an ongoing series on confidence and building the best, most positive version of yourself. Eventually, I want you to be able to maximise your potential and get want you want in every situation. Therapy in London Subscribe to my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/embed/yB7G6PCm6Ik 2019-11-14T11:02:20.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-feeling-happy-be-content-instead 2019-11-06T19:43:55.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ya3J6dxiuyc/hqdefault.jpg Why be happy when you can be content? This week I want to bring up the concept of being happy as apposed to feeling content. There is a strong difference and it might seem like happiness is the obvious goal for you, but I want to share my thoughts: why be happy when you can be content? and why it is a better option for many. The meaning of happiness Being happy is a short term emotional feeling. It feels great at the time, but it takes a lot of work to get to that place, and you can’t stay in that feeling all the time. The meaning of contentedness Now feeling content is a more long term state. And it leads to you feeling empowered and overall satisfied. This is because in order to get to be content, your goals were never slightly out of reach, you didn’t have to give yourself anxiety to get there, and the satisfaction you get from it means you are encouraged to go for it again and again. It is more in your control with fewer boundaries in the way, and in a state of contentment, you are making the best long term decisions for yourself. The happiness chase The chase will happen when you are looking to make decisions for instant gratification. This will then lead to more long term discontent. In a state of happiness, you do the same thing over and over again to feel better, but it is not actually helping you to move forward. How to be content: The cookie vs cardio Think of it as wanting to feel better about yourself. If you want to feel short term happiness, you can have a cookie – but for a more long term content state, you would go to the gym instead. The cookie will taste great, but you aren’t getting much out of it once you finish it. Whereas feeling content with a workout won’t make you as euphorically happy like the cookie will, but the positive gains far outweigh that. Each of these decisions is giving you a burst of endorphins, but contentedness will last far longer than happiness and give you the drive to do it again and again for those long term rewards. Endorphin addiction The craving for a b... https://www.youtube.com/embed/ya3J6dxiuyc 2019-11-06T19:43:55.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/this-is-what-your-dreams-actually-mean 2019-10-30T18:56:25.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/UW95yTE-_88/hqdefault.jpg This is what your dreams actually mean I’ve had quite a few people in the past comment on trying to understand nightmares and what their dreams mean. What they also ask about it how to stop these dreams, but as it isn’t as simple as stopping those dreams, I’m going to explain what your dreams actually mean and why you should use them to your advantage in your real life. So, this is where I’m going to help you to understand your dreams – they are a very important part of our lives (our real lives!) and this is because they send a very strong message about what is going on your awake life. Once you take this on board, they can very much help steer you in a very positive direction – whether the dreams be good or bad. 1. What’s happening in the dreams? Most dreams don’t make much sense at face value, but really break down what is happening in the dream. Not only this but also where are you, who are you with and even who are you ? 2. How do you feel in the dream? The emotions you feel in the dream are just as important. Even if you find it difficult to think back to your nightmares, try and narrow down are you scared or angry or even confused? 3.Now compare the dream to your real life? Are you falling and never caught? This could be because you feel a lack of support say, by your co-workers for example.? So, take your dream, try and feel that emotion again and when you do that what does it remind you of in your real life? Once you action what the dream is relating to, you’ll find the dream dissipate. Dreaming is always there as a way to greater understand how you are feeling at the time, whether you know you are feeling that emotion or not. So remember that rather than focusing on the surreal and supposedly random content of the dream, instead focus on the emotion message and use it to take control of your life! Goodnight. Therapy in London Subscribe to my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/embed/UW95yTE-_88 2019-10-30T18:56:25.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/this-is-why-you-cant-stick-to-new-habits 2019-10-23T19:17:51.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HmHykZTbGRU/hqdefault.jpg This is why you can’t stick to new habits Sticking to new habits is tough, especially when they’re good for you, but not necessarily the most fun thing to do. With this, I want to share with you 7 main reasons why you may find it so hard to stick to new habits. 1. Procrastination Who hasn’t said to themselves, ‘I’ll do it later’ or ‘I just need to do this first…’ When you push something to the wayside and procrastinate, it is never prioritised and therefore falls further and further down your list. So, stop procrastinating and prioritise those new habits! 2. Others’ judgement Many of a person’s old habits also make up their old personality. This means that the people you surround yourself with have certain expectations of you that may not be your new, current identity. This can make it very hard to change your habits for the better, for fear of others’ judgment. It can be fearful to change things, even if it’s for the better, but other people who don’t agree with your new self, shouldn’t stop you from changing and improving on yourself. 3. Defusing stress and tension This is easy to do with old habits, but not so much with new ones – if anything trying to make a new habit stick can be quite stressful and tense for you. And that is why your old habits were there in the first place, but you want to shake those off. It’s just a short term gain but with no meaningful long term reward. 4. Prioritising your new habits In order to get over your old habits and knee-jerk reaction to diffuse tension, you need to start prioritising a new habit to replace it. So, find your new habit and begin to practise it in easier situations first in order to establish it into your day to day life. 5. Fun! This sounds simple but it can be difficult to find the fun in ingraining something into your life. So it’s important to find the fun in what you’re doing to help establish it. 6. Fight the fear Fear of failure is common and it can be a common reason not to try at all. Failure is just showing you all the way that won’t work for ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/HmHykZTbGRU 2019-10-23T19:17:51.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/dont-just-break-your-old-habits-create-new-ones 2019-10-16T22:12:46.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/G43bmVGOFys/hqdefault.jpg Don’t just break old habits, create new ones I’ve been blogging for a while now about breaking bad, old habits, but the real way to do this is to create new, positive habits that can aid your life. Many of you want to break a bad habit, but it is very time-consuming to commit the time to do this. The best way, however, and by using the time productively, is to create a new habit instead. This is how you can create these habits to rid yourself of the bad ones for good. What do you want? It’s all well and good wanting to change but have a think about what your end goal is. Once you know what you want, you can move forward with a much clearer perspective of your future. 2 . Why do you want to break old habits? Ok, you want to be right – but why do you want to be rich? What do you want to do with the money and how would you feel with it? These further questions you ask yourself will help you delve into the real reason behind your wants and needs. For instance, you want to buy a nice house and car with the money, but what will that give you? You need to ask yourself these things otherwise your goals won’t stick, as, by the time you reach a certain point, you would have no reason to continue. How will you get there? What will your journey look like from now until you reach your goal? Use your reason behind your goal to help steer your journey. Plan time With any task or habit, it has to take up time otherwise you won’t be able to stick to the habit once you have it. So it needs to become a part of your regular life and take up your time in a positive way. Prioritise A new habit should not only be prioritised but become second nature to you in your day to day life. So, to start, actively prioritise the habit and it will eventually be ingrained in life. This is also important as when you don’t stick to your new habit, you will find yourself quickly going back to your old habits. Keep going? Simply put, the more you stick at it, the easier it will become. Wave goodbye to old habits and have fun This is just as impor... https://www.youtube.com/embed/G43bmVGOFys 2019-10-16T22:12:46.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/swap-out-your-bad-habits-for-good-ones 2019-10-10T12:19:17.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/WahBZb91O58/hqdefault.jpg Swap out your bad habits for good ones We all know the saying ‘bad habits are made to be broken’. But this doesn’t mean that it’s as easy as that. I want to explain why it is so difficult for many and how you can break your bad habits and stick to new, positive ones. Why are your bad habits there? A habit can creep up on anyone. When you’re in need of a distraction, for example. The reason that old habits stick around and you can seem to shake them off, can be because they are easier to do than something else. They are rewarding because you do them so often and successfully. They  help you to feel calm and more secure. These might sound like reasons that would deter you from breaking your bad habits. But even though they have become a staple part of your life, they can become outdated and distract you from moving forwards. As time moves on, habits become less relevant and can hold you back from creating new habits to get you where you want to be today. Out with the old Breaking these old habits is possible. What I’ve found is that you cannot simply break them. You need to replace them with something else – and this is where the new, positive habits come into action. Once a habit is broken, you should fill that void with something else. Otherwise, you will find yourself slipping right back into your old ways. In with the new So, this is how it is done. What new habit would you like to start that can help you progress in what you want to do and make you happier? Take this new goal and put it in the place of when you would usually act on your old, bad habit. The more you do this, the more you will find your old habit fade away, and it won’t even occur to you to use it as a crutch anymore. In the end, instead of hiding, you will feel rewarded and excited to act on your new habit. Habits can get a bad reputation, but they are only there to help you feel comforted and rewarded, so why not use that feeling for the better, rather than using it is a block. Leading on from this, in another article I go into mor... https://www.youtube.com/embed/WahBZb91O58 2019-10-10T12:19:17.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/change-your-habits-heres-how 2019-10-02T22:20:17.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/6GIcLBJhgfY/hqdefault.jpg Change your habits: Here’s how Do you have a habit that you would like to kick? Many of us do, but you might not know that if you change your habits, it can actually fuel a much more rewarding life. This might sound impossible, but I am going to share five steps that you can take to stopping your bad habits, and creating new ones to do nothing but help you. Change your habits Habits are hard to break – this is why we call them a habit. It is something that you can’t not do. they’re so entwined in your day to day life that you can think at some point that they are a large part of your life. Habits can become outdated, however. And you’ll find yourself in these negative spirals . For example, biting your nails might keep you occupied and distracted in an uncomfortable social situation, but isn’t it really just pulling you away from the situation rather than you doing something to make it less uncomfortable the next time? This is why it is so important to change your habits for the better. You can do this to ensure that any habits you do have will align with what you want for yourself and your future. Step 1. What to change? This is a basic suggestion, but first try to uncover your bad habits and accept that something needs to change here and now. Step 2. Why do you do it? What is the motive for your habit? For example, it could be distracting you, it could be giving your short-term happiness, or it could be creating the illusion that it makes things easier for you. Step 3. What are the positives and negatives? Take your habit and dissect why you need to change your habit and also why you started it in the first place. Working this out will allow you to see why you have clung to this habit for so long, why it is so hard to shake off and also how it is affecting you now. Step 4. Consider life without it In an ideal world, you could wake up one morning and that bad habit would just disappear. This can’t happen, but imagine if it did. How would that look? What would you do with your time? How would ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/6GIcLBJhgfY 2019-10-02T22:20:17.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-are-you-attracting-toxic-people 2019-09-25T20:21:47.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/V_AhY2JIBcg/hqdefault.jpg Why are you attracting toxic people? Recently, someone reached out questioning why they seemed to constantly get involved with toxic people. They commented that they always seemed to be around these types of people, even though they cause them a lot of anxiety. This is more common than you may think – so, here are four reasons why you might find yourself doing this and how to stop attracting them. Who are you? This is my first – not so simple – question to ask yourself. You need to understand why you find yourself in these negative situations by looking inward. How do you act around others? Where do you find yourself in your friendship groups? Are you usually the person following suit and doing what you’re told? If this is the case, then what do you really think of this? Are you comfortable with what you’re doing and how you are acting? Seeking validation In other words, do you know how to make yourself happy? or do you always have to seek out the approval of toxic people? Constantly seeking other people’s approval can come from many avenues. This could be from your childhood, where you were always expected to act a certain way in front of your friends at school and different in front of your parents.? And when you act this way it will usually attract toxic people who will want to take advantage of this. Are you following toxic people’s path When you’re unsure about who you are and what you want from life, you’re going to look to others? decisions and embrace them as your own. This is a very difficult situation to be in as it can be hard to find what will genuinely make you happy without seeking an answer from a third party. Anxiety Fear can be a huge hurdle to embracing your true self. You might be scared of your full potential or anxious about failure. Anxiety sends a very strong signal to people who may have a toxic influence and it can be seen as a weakness. The question, however, is what you are scared of and if you haven’t even tried to find out who you are, then how can you be afraid of what ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/V_AhY2JIBcg 2019-09-25T20:21:47.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/procrastination 2018-01-01T09:00:10.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/CvMb8M9jq0E/hqdefault.jpg Why we procrastinate: 5 reasons This week , I’m sharing 5 reasons we procrastinate and find it hard to stick to a routine. By the end of this, you’ll know what to look out for, how to stick to your routine and be more productive. Anxiety and tension When you know something needs doing, you automatically try and find any excuse not to do it. How many times have you told yourself: I’ll do it after this show, I need a break, or I’ll do it later? You make these excuses because the thought of doing these tasks fill you with anxiety, tension and stress. These which you are unconsciously trying to diffuse by procrastinating. In reality, procrastinating encourages you to feel lazy. You don’t see the benefit s Everyone has things that you know you should do, but if it doesn’t seem worthwhile to you then you’ll never get it done. In the short term that task might not seem worthwhile, but that task may lead you to something bigger and better – whether you know what or not. Rather than focusing on the task, focus on the bigger picture to help you to get to the next step You don’t enjoy the task R emember to look at the bigger picture and ask yourself why you are doing it. Focus on the feeling of having it done so that you can avoid that feeling of anxiety and tension when you would usually delay doing it. Your bad habits are getting in the way Habits are there to help you lead an easier life. Some habits, however, can help you to diffuse that anxiety and tension but on the other hand, they can stop you from doing the task at all. Recognise when a habit pops up (such as checking your Facebook or Instagram when you should be focusing on work) and learn to stop yourself from doing it. You are scared to try and fail Failure is demonised within our society and something that many fear. And this fear of failure is stopping you from trying new things in case you fail. Failure is just a necessary step to achieving your goals and finding a way that works for you. Procrastination is great at delaying or even stoppin... https://www.youtube.com/embed/CvMb8M9jq0E 2018-01-01T09:00:10.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/did-you-know-that-making-mistakes-is-a-good-thing 2019-08-29T14:53:55.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ClN6bHrcCL8/hqdefault.jpg Did you know that making mistakes is a good thing? Previously I’ve discussed that when you make mistakes you can learn from them. However, this is something that many find difficult to overcome. It can be a scary thing accepting that you will make a mistake if you try something new, daring or even something you’re scared of. B ut take a look at my previous post to find out how you can overcome that fear . In the meantime, I want to share my 5 reasons why you might not want to do something for fear of making a mistake. Making mistakes and fear of criticism You may care too much about what others think of you. This isn’t so much a bad thing, as this is your considerate side coming out and not wanting to hurt or alarm others. There must be a line, however, that you should cross. Caring too much is you being rooted in what other people think and your thoughts of being ‘loved’. This then leads you to not wanting to try something different or put yourself in a position to make mistakes as it might trigger any kind of negative comment from others and tarnish others? opinions of you. Self-criticism The feeling you get of wanting to criticise what you’re doing is actually a feeling that is trying to protect you, and as such it is a good thing. This way of thinking, however, can become pretty overwhelming so it is important to keep it in check, otherwise, you will never want to try anything new! Low self-esteem Along with being fearful of criticism, you’re probably criticising yourself heavily and don’t have much faith in your abilities. This low self-esteem can be quite difficult to overcome and therefore you might think that if you stay in your comfort zone then you are safe from making mistakes, as trying anything new will guarantee failure (which isn’t the case!) Lack of forward-thinking When you have a fear of failure, you tend to not see very far into the future. That is because you are focusing on the potential failure and not what comes after that. And what does come after that is learning, trying again and continu... https://www.youtube.com/embed/ClN6bHrcCL8 2019-08-29T14:53:55.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/heres-how-you-can-learn-from-your-mistakes 2019-08-22T12:26:20.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ClN6bHrcCL8/hqdefault.jpg Here’s how you can learn from a mistake! Everyone makes a mistake now and again, but how many of us actually learn from them? Well guess what? It’s more than possible – and here are five steps to help you learn from your mistakes. And once you do this you can avoid making the same ones. It’s natural to feel scared of making a mistake, most of us tend to avoid making them. But mistakes are a part of life that can, most of the time, help rather than hinder your life. Do your research Most of of us try something without planning beforehand. But this is a vital step to avoiding mistakes. Once you’ve planned your route, you’re less likely to stumble along the way. Ask for help No one is an expert at anything straight away. And to begin to become an expert at anything, you need to surround yourself with people that have the skills to help take you forward. This means not being afraid to ask for help and for them to be able to help find the right methods for you to learn to avoid you making mistakes. Stop being scared This is far easier said than done but whilst you have been told your entire life to get things right the first time and making mistakes means failure, you need to shake this off. Making mistakes is OK and is not the end of the road for you, it’s only the beginning of another twist and turn. So once you accept this then you will lose a huge amount of that fear that stops you from trying certain things. Make a mistake and learn As I have said, the mistakes you make are just a learning curve for you. So, you need to reform the way you see your mistakes. Instead of seeing them as failure, see them as something that you can learn from. This is a lesson in every step you make, so take it on and look out for what you can learn. Have fun! Overall, if it’s not fun you won’t be able to stick to it. Making a mistake can never feel great, but if you are prepared to take the rough with the smooth, you can see your mistakes as part of an exciting and fun process for you. If you still feel stick, in the future ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/ClN6bHrcCL8 2019-08-22T12:26:20.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/are-you-agitated-use-it-for-the-better 2019-08-14T21:25:46.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/UocOdHmWEyk/hqdefault.jpg Are you agitated? use it for the better! Have you felt agitated by something? Of course you have, who hasn’t? I want to share with you how you can use your agitation to aid your life and resolve the issues you may be facing. Feeling agitated is naturally associated with being a bad feeling. That agitation can get in the way of feeling good. Actually, that feeling is very important – it is there to tell you what is wrong! Think of it as passing a warning sign; when you pass it, you know to be wary and to change your direction. Act This feeling is there to warn you about something, this is why it is so important that you act on it, rather than ignoring it and hoping it will just go away. When you ignore this said agitation, it will go and then return continuously until you take action. And when you ignore it and it returns, it will likely snowball and feel worse each time. Take control in the short term There are two ways you can take control of your agitation. The first is a short term fix. This is when you make a change when might mean, for example, telling someone something they don’t want to hear. For instance, if you feel agitated whenever one of your friend’s comments on how you dress, in the short term you can ask that friend to not comment on you like that anymore. When you take action on your agitation in the short term, however, you relieve that stress on yourself only until the cause returns again. So, you must listen to that feeling and take note of what can be done to alleviate feeling like that in the future. That agitation for your friend might be a warning sign that you and said friend have drifted apart, and they are now having a negative impact on your life. Take control in the long term In the long term, you may want to sit down with them to explain to them that what they are doing is upsetting you, or even let this person know that your relationship is not as positive as it used to be. By taking control of your agitation, you will gain the ability to listen to yourself and take action ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/UocOdHmWEyk 2019-08-14T21:25:46.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/five-reasons-to-tell-the-truth 2019-08-07T21:52:47.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/NFb92jGxz7Q/hqdefault.jpg Truth: Five reasons to be truthful You must have heard many times that you shouldn’t lie, but on the flip side, have you considered why you should tell the truth? I want to offer my five reasons why telling the truth can be beneficial to your life. Responsibility Being responsible means being reliant on yourself and, trusting yourself too. With trust in yourself comes the ability to take on further responsibility and complete things with much success. Here’s how you can be truthful to yourself. Ask yourself a few questions like: What are your skills? Where do your passions lie? And what do you want out of life? By being honest with yourself you’ll be able to succeed with confidence and the openness to grow in your skillset. Truth and trust Telling the truth means being honest about your thoughts about others? and their abilities. Trust can play a very strong part of being truthful about what you can and cannot achieve. By finding dependence in others, you’ll be able to build your self-esteem and grow as an individual who’s also able to turn to others for support and guidance. This means telling the truth about what you can do for yourself, and what you need help with. Consistency This might be unexpected but being consistent is an important aspect in success and being truthful to yourself Being consistent leads to a better knowledge of who you are and what you want. This is because if you are consistent with your needs, wants and aspirations, then you will be able to truthfully see who you are as a person and what you want in general. Stress A truthful life is, of course, a less stressful life. Telling lies always leads to a web of fantasy and something that you need to keep up for who knows how long? Being honest, even when you think a small white lie won’t hurt, will quell any kind of stressful burden that lie might spiral into. Success Being successful is far more likely when you are honest with yourself and with others. This is because your expectations are set in reality and you feel more mot... https://www.youtube.com/embed/NFb92jGxz7Q 2019-08-07T21:52:47.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/making-the-same-mistakes-repeatedly-heres-why 2019-08-01T14:39:25.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hqATyyqzBfs/hqdefault.jpg Making the same mistakes repeatedly? Here’s why Are you finding yourself in a bit of a cycle? Making mistakes and not learning from them, but instead, repeating them over and over again? This is a very common problem. There’s a reason for it and there’s a way to stop you continuing the spiral. Why you’re making mistakes: Hope It’s not a bad thing to be hopeful, but in this instance, you are repeating yourself because you feel that at some point it will eventually all work out. Keep the hope that things will work out, but adjust your actions depending on what went wrong. If you keep the faith with a more open mind, you are far more likely to succeed and stop making mistakes. Reason two is your identity If you are known for acting a certain way and doing certain things, then you wouldn’t want to change too much and lose who you are as a person. But this doesn’t have to be the case if you find yourself going around in circles, you can still be the same person that everybody knows and loves. Rather than repeating yourself because you think it is what everyone expects of you, do what you think is right for you and for the situation. Reason three is the difficulty The long and short of it is that repeating yourself is very easy, you become an expert in doing the same thing over and over again, whether it is wrong or not. This is something that is very important to realise, that just because it is easy, it doesn’t mean you can do something different – after all, you are making mistakes already, so what is the harm in trying something different with the risk of failing again? The difference is you have a much higher chance of succeeding each time. Reason four is your comfort zone In the same vein as being scared to try something slightly more difficult, you must get out of your comfort zone in order to move forward and avoid the same mistakes. Reason five is others’ expectations It’s fine to care about what others think of you and this is why you do the same things so that you can fit in with others’ expectations. So,... https://www.youtube.com/embed/hqATyyqzBfs 2019-08-01T14:39:25.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/heres-how-you-can-make-more-time 2019-07-25T11:40:26.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HM1VjAX3-fQ/hqdefault.jpg Here’s how you can make more time! Time is precious for many of us. Especially with busy lives and trying to meet others’s expectations. It’s time to save some time for yourself. Some things are just too important to put to aside. So, here are five ways you can create more time for yourself and still the things that matter. Prioritise your time If you have lots of things to do, then you’re likely to start with the easiest task, or the task you most enjoy doing. By prioritising what you must do as opposed to what you want to do, you can ensure that anything important gets completed first. This enables you to do the more enjoyable things in your own time, without feeling guilty about it. Don’t procrastinate It’s easy enough to put things off – but you might not realise how much time procrastination saps away. The energy that goes into avoiding something (and then feeling guilty about it) is time that could be used to do something productive.You could even use it to complete the task you’ve been avoiding! Active concentration Once you convince yourself to crack on and start something, you need to keep that concentration going. It’s all well and good starting something, but the next obstacle is carrying on and completing it successfully. Avoid distractions, and break the task and time into small doses. Rather than trying to finish something with the TV on, give yourself 2 hours of work with no TV. As a reward for doing that, let yourself watch one episode of that Netflix show. Feel the fear Stress can be a very powerful, all-consuming distraction. It can stop you from doing things if you’re just overwhelmed. Just remember, stress is there for a reason – to tell you that something isn’t right and you must do something about it. So, consider each thing that’s making you feel stressed and focus on ridding yourself of each task with the thought that once it’s done, you won’t be stressed about it anymore. Once you feel the fear, you’ll be able to listen to what it has to say and alleviate it completely. Tr... https://www.youtube.com/embed/HM1VjAX3-fQ 2019-07-25T11:40:26.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/heres-how-you-can-be-consistent 2019-07-03T20:29:31.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oq3t1hqfzhs/hqdefault.jpg Be consistent: Here’s how If you want to be successful at anything, you’ll first need to be consistent in your actions. I want to explain how you can do this and what I mean by that. Being consistent might seem easy, but most of the time, aren’t you just being consistent in what’s easy, rather than what you really want to do? There are some steps you can take to make sure that your consistency is focused in the right direction: To be consistent, know what you want in the future If you want to be successful, that’s great, but ask yourself what you want to be successful in. Once you know exactly what you want, things will seem much clearer and you’ll be able to move onto the next step. Think long term Now that you know what you want, think long term. How are you going to get there? Your long term goal should help you keep your eyes on the prize, so whenever you feel lost and don’t know what you do next, think about the end result and you’ll find your way back on track. Be consistently persistent Don’t be dejected if things don’t always go your way. What you lose all of your lives when playing a video game you don’t turn it off, you try again. So mentally prepare yourself for the occasional slip-up and don’t let it get to you. You can always get back on that horse. Feel the tension The next step you should consider is that you need to get used to tension. When most people feel any tension they tend to run and is something that will stop you from being consistent in your actions, so you’ll need to overcome this. So get used to feeling tense and use it to fuel you forward. Keep going Now being consistent is harder than you think, so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t achieve it constantly. And it shouldn’t cloud all of the hard work that you put in prior. Life has many bumps in the road so take things as they come and know-how to carry on as you meant to once you get over that bump. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/Oq3t1hqfzhs 2019-07-03T20:29:31.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/want-to-be-cool-heres-why-you-shouldnt 2019-06-26T15:09:37.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dY_CyXmUrgs/hqdefault.jpg Want to be cool? Here’s why you shouldn’t We’ve all been there I – wanting to be cool. We are told what it is and how to live up to it. But, is that really the best advice? What is ‘cool’? It’s that kid in the corner who doesn’t say much – just chills out waiting around for things to happen – think Fonzie! This image might seem like the pinnacle of cool, but that person isn’t actually doing anything. People are rewarded for it – with popularity, freebies and compliments. Success vs. cool With the image of the ultimate cool person in mind, have a think about some of the great leaders of our time who are rich, successful and ultimately happy after their hard work has paid off. They are motivated, help change the world and do not achieve this by being cool. Instead, they make a difference, take risks and always try new and daring things. It doesn’t get you anywhere, lead to growth, change or personal development. Along with not being able to develop, you can’t be the happiest version of yourself as cool means having to conform to everyone else’s expectations of you. Be passionate Personally, I love passion! It helps to complete tasks. Cool, on the other hand, might make you feel good in the short term. But you’ll find yourself at a dead-end eventually. So, instead just be you. Once you accept yourself as you are, you can discover what you want. You can make meaningful friends, take risks and be happy. Think to yourself. What do you really want? Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/dY_CyXmUrgs 2019-06-26T15:09:37.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/take-control-of-your-anxiety 2019-06-20T19:58:45.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/zHuUicYdGGI/hqdefault.jpg Control your anxiety: Here’s how Wondering how to control your anxiety? Taking control of your anxiety essentially means stopping yourself from becoming scared of that anxious feeling. Anxiety has always been associated with being a bad thing. Yes, anxiety doesn’t feel great, but it is there for a reason, and that is to tell you that something isn’t right. Don’t bury your head in the sand The problem is that people will tell you to move away from anxiety. But in that case, all you are doing is ignoring the warning that your mind’s giving you. This is the reason anxiety is linked to depression. Not because they are one and the same. But because if you’ve never been taught how to control your anxiety and let it help guide you through life, you can feel powerless. Not knowing what to do with that feeling other than bury it. And this is when anxiety turns into that all consuming depression that you have little control over. Move forward with your anxiety Anxiety is a motivator; which is why when you get anxious you can feel restless, you can’t sleep, your foot twitches or you feel like you have to do something and you can’t shake it off. This is your body telling you there is something really important that you need to action. Take the reins and control your anxiety So, when you feel anxious, just act on it, as not only will all that energy go to waste but it will pile up into something not as easy to take a hold of. It’s as simple as that! Next time you have the niggling feeling that something is wrong, ask yourself what the answer to getting rid of your anxiety will be right there. Once you start doing this you will be able to embrace any kind of anxiety you might feel in the future head-on. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/zHuUicYdGGI 2019-06-20T19:58:45.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-reduce-anxiety 2018-09-03T09:00:41.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wkzCFm848-c/hqdefault.jpg How to reduce anxiety I am going to explain how to understand, control and use your anxiety to actually benefit your life. Anxiety is a horrible feeling. It’s all part of our fight or flight response. You might feel like you can’t escape it and it keeps your attention locked onto it. If you’re asking  yourself, why does anxiety even exist? How can I reduce anxiety , or even how can I use those anxious moments to my advantage? Watch my video and keep reading to find out.  You might have been told previously to just stop worrying, or feeling anxious – and it’s so much harder than that. But, believe it or not, anxiety can actually help you! Anxiety is showing you that there is something wrong; something needs fixing and until you do it, you won’t stop feeling anxious, sad or upset. But despite this, anxiety is the likely to be the main reason you don’t feel confident, it can leak into all parts of your life. So, what can you do reduce anxiety? Control First, know that you do have more control over the anxiety than you might think. Trying to control and reduce anxiety can  feel overwhelming – but it’s actually trying to motivate you to do something, so try and see it in that way instead of something to run from. Stop procrastinating Next, work out what you have been putting off? Do you have a big work assignment coming up? Sometimes, you might not even know why you’re anxious. This is because your anxiety is rooted so far in your past that it affects your life now without you even realising it. In order to reduce anxiety, you need to work out what it is that you have been putting off. It might not come straight away, but this is something you don’t have control over and this, in turn, is making you feel lost. Confidence Next, give yourself a bit more confidence to try to tick off some of those anxiety-provoking projects. The way to do that is to stop running from feeling anxious and start using it as a motivator. When you feel anxious, rather than watching a YouTube video or watching some... https://www.youtube.com/embed/wkzCFm848-c 2018-09-03T09:00:41.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-turn-your-daydreams-into-a-reality 2019-05-29T15:58:21.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/9JMLHynfzx4/hqdefault.jpg Here’s How to Turn Your Daydreams into Reality Over the last few weeks I have been focusing on daydreaming ; the good and the bad sides to it and how it can affect your day to day life. I have also been explaining how you can utilise your daydreams to help you, so make sure you take a look at that discussion too . Daydreams: What’s good and what’s bad? So far, we’ve found that daydreaming is good for thinking and planning out what you want to do in an emotionally safe and controlled way. However, daydreaming can create bad habits because it can cause you to get stuck in a constant loop of dreaming rather than actioning. This can mean that you never feel able or willing to actually try anything as it might not work out how you dreamed it would. You then convince yourself that daydreaming about something is enough for you – so you don’t try. But is it enough? Imagine going through life constantly envisioning what you would like to do tomorrow, next month or next year, but never actually doing anything about it. You’re just stuck in the same place and disappointed that things aren’t moving forward for you. So, what are you going to do about it? Daydreaming with no actioning can become a problem for many people. What you need to do is create a new way for you to relate to your daydreams. Use the good parts; i.e. planning your future, and remove the bad i.e. not actioning your dreams. For example, if you find yourself daydreaming about what it would be like to go for a run regularly – try it! Even if you only run once a week for 10 minutes, you’re still actioning those thoughts. Once you’ve done this you are one step closer to being able to not just dream it, but do it. And you will be able to take that next step to living your dream life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/9JMLHynfzx4 2019-05-29T15:58:21.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/top-reasons-to-daydream-why-it-can-help-you 2019-05-23T09:28:45.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/8v09eKWdA20/hqdefault.jpg Daydreaming: Why it can help you Previously, I have been discussing daydreaming and how it can hinder your ability to move forward in life and progress. This time I want to focus on the positives and how you can use your daydreams to their full advantage. Your own safe space Daydreams essentially give you a safe space to reflect on things away from the turmoil of your day to day life. This ‘safe space’ has several advantages including: Giving you a chance to really think about what you want in your life and for the future. When you daydream you are letting your mind wander to a no holds barred version of what you want. Daydreaming can help you to work out the process of how to get to your dream life. If you use your daydreams and that imagination of yours efficiently, you can even plan how to get to what you want in life and gain a perspective on the best way to achieve it. This leads on to the final point You can plan our these processes to see what till actually work for you. In the same way that you can picture the best-case scenario; you also have the ability to imagine what could happen in many different versions, including the ones that won’t work. If you can learn to delve into your imagination and what you daydream about, you will eventually feel empowered to take that next step to actually achieving it! Embrace your imagination! The ability to daydream is an important skill to have, and one that should be embraced. Without it, you wouldn’t be able to picture the best life for yourself, or discover what makes you truly happy and – just as importantly – not as happy. Remember though, your daydreams can’t reap their true rewards until you act on them – so embrace your imagination and next week I will be delving further into acting on your daydreams. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/8v09eKWdA20 2019-05-23T09:28:45.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/heres-why-you-should-stop-daydreaming 2019-05-15T19:43:55.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5DXV3IVnPw8/hqdefault.jpg Why You Need To Stop Daydreaming | Take Control of Your Life Do you ever question why you daydream so much?  Or think that you should stop daydreaming? It’s something that can happen without you realising; where your mind wanders off to something as small as what you’re going to eat next, or to larger things like what it would be like to own that hotel on the coast of Jamaica. Read more : Here’s why you should stop daydreaming Is it good for you? Your mind wandering off like this can be completely harmless. But when it does start to intervene in your day-to-day life; by being the cause of you not listening during a conversation, or hindering your chances to progress in life, then this is the time to stop and make it less of a recurrence. Here’s why you should stop daydreaming so much and my tips on how to stop. There are pros and cons to daydreaming as I have explained previously. The ability to visualise the near or distant future is a very positive skill to have, as this can be used as the initial building block to planning your future. However, if you are not acting on these thoughts then you are essentially giving yourself the emotional payoff of wanting to do something but not actually doing it. You are just using your daydreams as an escape from real life. How to stop daydreaming Daydreaming is a common and important part of life, but it is just as important to remember to live in the real world too. So, figure out what triggers your daydreaming. By doing this you can realise what particular feeling or experience you are trying to escape from. For example, if you tend to daydream whenever you are about to make a phone call, what is it about making a phone call that you are trying to get away from? Do you feel anxiety about speaking on the phone? And if so, what do you think will happen that is making you anxious? Moving forward When you can associate the action of daydreaming with something in your real life, you can work on what you are trying to escape from. Once you overcome this, you won’t have the need to daydre... https://www.youtube.com/embed/5DXV3IVnPw8 2019-05-15T19:43:55.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-feel-frustrated 2019-04-16T15:48:25.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hCC_pTJxnVM/hqdefault.jpg Feeling frustrated? Find out why Feeling frustrated? Most of us have at some point in our lives. You might be surprised to hear that rather than dwelling on that frustration, you can use it to your advantage. Frustration usually comes up when you have not dealt with a situation or emotion properly. In general, feeling frustrated is the need to do something but you don’t know how, or, you don’t want to. Example A popular example of this is when you can’t find your keys. You know that they are in the house, you have looked everywhere but still can’t find them. It’s pretty frustrating. Now, instead of keys imagine you had all those feelings of frustration but didn’t know where it came from or what it meant. Feeling frustrated is normal You might feel frustration so often that it just becomes a normal part of your life and to you, it becomes a normal day-to-day feeling. This isn’t great, as in the end feeling like this can make you angry or annoyed at other people and things unrelated to your frustration – and you do this to offset how you’re really feeling. So, being frustrated can end up hurting others around you and sabotaging parts of your life to regain a felt sense of control. Overcome Frustration To overcome this, start relating to your frustration in a different way so that it doesn’t take over other parts of your life and Next time I want to discuss, ‘5 easy steps to help you control and use your frustration in order to help better your life’. So either come back here or watch the video on my YouTube Channel https:/.youtube.com/counsellor Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/hCC_pTJxnVM 2019-04-16T15:48:25.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/5-steps-to-control-frustration 2019-04-03T21:22:19.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5BA-lFlri7c/hqdefault.jpg Controlling your frustration: 5 steps Frustration can come up when certain things don’t go your way. You can also commonly get frustrated when you want something but don’t know the right steps to get it. So, if you can find a way of understanding the frustration, you can use it to your full advantage. Here are some steps to achieving this. No expectations = No frustration If you expect success or a certain end result, then you will be setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, try and go into every situation as a learning experience, whether it is positive or negative. If it works out, great! But if not, don’t feel down about it. You can pick yourself up, brush it off and try again. Don’t dwell on the past When you find yourself having to start something all over again, it can be easy to best yourself up about it and keep replaying your failure over and over again. But remember, there is nothing you can do about the past. Your frustration or anger isn’t helping. Instead of trying to gain control of what has already been, look to create a new way of relating to that situation should it happen again. Make a change This may sound difficult but making a change doesn’t mean stopping those feelings altogether. Use them to make sure that you never have to be in that situation again. For example, start telling people that what they are doing is making you feel a certain way or try to stop doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. Achieve something An example of this is that I use excessive feelings to motivate me to do YouTube videos or go to the gym. Now when I feel frustration, I associate that feeling with doing something productive. So when you feel frustrated, get to know what you can do to expel it. Bye frustration, hello fun The reason you feel frustrated is that there is no enjoyment in a certain situation. This leaks into all areas of your life. So, as soon as you start having fun then you will find the frustration won’t feel so big and scary. Sure, it will still be ther... https://www.youtube.com/embed/5BA-lFlri7c 2019-04-03T21:22:19.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-feeling-annoyed 2019-03-25T10:50:58.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hCC_pTJxnVM/hqdefault.jpg Want to Stop Feeling Annoyed? Here’s How If you want to stop feeling annoyed at every little thing, this is my two-step process to banish annoyance from your life forever. Ok, so when you feel annoyed, do you automatically try your best to not feel that way? This is pretty common as you’ve probably been told to get away from being annoyed as quickly as possible and just be happy. The most common reason for getting annoyed can be because something has happened that you feel is unfair to you. Showing you a message Feeling annoyed is simply trying to show you there is something wrong that needs fixing. Rather than stopping yourself from feeling annoyed, firstly use it to amend the part of your life that is making you feel that way. This is difficult in itself, but doing this will lead you to the following step, which is to use the annoyance to stop yourself from getting into the same situation again. This will allow you to take some control back and prevent you from feeling annoyed in the future. This is a fail-safe way to find success in your life as knowing what to do in any difficult and annoying situations will stop you from creating the same negative patterns for yourself. Confidence Once you can do this you can have confidence in knowing that no matter what happens you have what it takes to get through it. Next, ask yourself how you can never feel annoyed by each situation again. For example, if you feel annoyed at a friend for always being late, why not talk to them and ask why they are always late? And if they keep being late, give them a consequence, such as I will go home if you make me wait more than 15 mins. This will boost a change in behaviour which may result in confrontation, but these situations must be encouraged to make a change. The irony is that being annoyed is trying to help you to make your life easier, more streamlined and happier, and these confrontations will help achieve that. Eventually, you’ll thrive on feeling annoyed as you will know from it that you can make a change in ord... https://www.youtube.com/embed/hCC_pTJxnVM 2019-03-25T10:50:58.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/are-you-drinking-too-much 2019-03-11T14:54:03.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vRB_nyg1uxM/hqdefault.jpg Are you drinking too much? Alcohol is a common part of life for many. Drinking is a popular social activity and a well-known way to meet and connect with others. So, why do you feel the need to drink? Alcohol can give the illusion of an emotionally safe space where you can press pause on your problems and difficult emotions. However, what is pressing pause and halting your problems achieving and is it really doing you any good? And once the alcohol wears off – then what? You will not only have to face your problems, you’ll also have to do it with a hangover. Then, with the hangover comes a feeling of overwhelment which means you wanting another drink to ease the pressure. Drinking = delayed emotions All this is doing is delaying facing your hard-to-deal-with feelings and keeping you locked in the same pattern of behaviour. If this sounds familiar to you, I would like to propose something different – instead of drinking to numb your emotions, face them head-on. Yes, this is difficult at first, but making a start to actually deal with what is going on in your life will allow you to resolve whatever you are using alcohol to distance yourself from. Move forward Alcohol can make you feel relaxed and carefree, but in reality, this is stopping you from moving forward in your life with purpose. So, think about why you drink. Is it just to enhance your night out, or is it a more substantial part of your life? Once you are able to accept the reason behind your drinking, face those emotions that you are trying to cover up and then you will be able to move forward in your life with a more positive outlook. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/vRB_nyg1uxM 2019-03-11T14:54:03.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/clinical-depression-vs-depressive-state 2019-03-04T09:00:59.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/WIrOnSIxQXg/hqdefault.jpg Clinical depression vs depressive state You have probably thrown around the phrase or have heard many people say that they’re feeling depressed. Depression can often be a very broad term. I, however, like to see depression as two different forms. There can be a depressive state or clinical depression – and the two are very different from each other. Depressive state A depressive state is a form of depression that can affect you for one specific reason or experience. This can be anything from having to meet new people, to preparing for a speech or presentation. Clinical depression Clinical depression is a very different form of depression. In this depressive state you might feel generally lost in life; not knowing what to do with yourself day to day and this can stop you from doing or even trying to do anything as minuscule as popping to shops. Overall, no matter what kind of depression you are dealing with, it all stems from the unknown and not knowing how to use these difficult emotions for the better. Open the door Imagine someone having to give you an important message, they are constantly knocking on your door, but you decide to not answer it. You leave them to keep knocking and eventually they will become frustrated that they cannot give you the message. When you feel any kind of difficult emotions such as nerves or stress, and you push it to the back of your mind, these emotions will build up and get worse because they have been ignored. This is what develops into your depressive state. Push away negative emotions In today’s society, many will tell you that it’s best to push your negative emotions aside and just be happy. The problem with this is that pushing them to one side can cause the aforementioned snowball effect – i.e depression. So, acknowledge your depression and address it. This is the first step to using all your emotions, whether they be good or bad, for the better. Once you are able to do this you will be able to live a much more emotionally stable lifestyle. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/WIrOnSIxQXg 2019-03-04T09:00:59.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-chasing-happiness 2019-02-18T09:00:12.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Q925RIO4sV0/hqdefault.jpg Stop chasing happiness The number one thing people ask me when they find out I am a counsellor or a therapist is how can I be happy all of the time. What I’ve found is that lots of us are chasing happiness . This stems from friends, parents and society, in general, telling us that we shouldn’t feel anything else except happy. However, is this right? In fact, by having this expectation is not only putting excess pressure on yourself to be happy but also stops you from sort out those harder to deal with feelings that are there to help you to better your life. All emotions are trying to do is help direct you to an easier life. Therefore if you feel sad angry or upset, you need to work out what is making you feel that way and sort it out. Sort the problem instead of chasing happiness The greatest inventions and business ideas have stemmed from a felt need to sort a problem So then If you don’t listen to the negative emotions you won’t know what’s wrong in your life so won’t be able to fix it So then by focusing on be happy even when you don’t feel it is keeping locked into the same repetitive actions, thoughts and feelings which are keeping you feel anxious stressed or miserable. Stop procrastinating This is why so many of us procrastinate or seek relief from alcohol drugs? You just want a brief moment away from your unused negative emotions. Which again stops you from sorting out your life By constantly focusing on feeling happy you are going to be feel bad that you are not happy, stuck that your life isn’t getting any easier and angry that you have no control over your life. So, what I want to leave you with is that it is impossible to just feel happy. Start using those harder to deal with feelings to help you to relieve the stress in your life. Stop chasing happiness and just live your life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/Q925RIO4sV0 2019-02-18T09:00:12.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/never-give-up 2019-01-28T09:00:59.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/kEen8qoVBtI/hqdefault.jpg Don’t lose motivation: Never give up It’s easy to give up. In this week’s blog, I want to discuss why not losing motivation and not giving up too quickly will make it far more likely for you to succeed. T here will be times where things will feel tough and you want to give up, so your brain will try and manage that stress, anxiety and tension . The way it does this is to offset that emotion by doing something else. As soon as that becomes a habit, then whenever something gets difficult, you will procrastinate instead of overcoming the pressure and carrying on. This is why it is so important to not only plan what you need to do but also accept that it is OK to adapt and learn. Offset your Feelings Learning this will help you to feel able to offset and use your difficult feelings in a productive way, rather than just picking up the TV remote, your phone, or doing anything else except that important task. That might seem odd to you, to use and accept those emotions, but really those feelings are trying to help you make the right decisions in life. And if you have always been told to just be happy and distance yourself, then you will find yourself giving up most of the time to avoid dealing with them. Know that you have what it takes to adapt when things don’t go right and also feel centred and in control when you feel stress or boredom in your life. Don’t give up – you have What it takes If you take nothing else from my videos and blogs, know that you do have what it takes to be successful. Keep adapting, learning, stay on point, learn to deal with stress, keep on going and eventually you will get what you want from your life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/kEen8qoVBtI 2019-01-28T09:00:59.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/boredom 2019-01-23T14:09:28.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bLU5Vd0Gnuo/hqdefault.jpg Feeling bored? How to battle the boredom In this blog, I want to share with you how to stop being bored but also how to use that feeling to enhance your life. Boredom is linked to both anxiety and stress. It’s something that holds you back from feeling able to concentrate on a task or commit to anything. You may know what you want but when you feel bored it stops you feeling able to concentrate. Help! I’m bored What your brain is doing here is it’s trying to help you to A. Focus on something fun which will keep you interested and B. Regulate your stress levels. This is why when you are bored, you usually yawn, to get more oxygen into your body. Which, in turn, helps you to de-stress and give a short burst of energy. So, if you can learn to overcome boredom, this will mean that you can be more motivated and driven. The thing about boredom is that it saps all of your energy and your brain automatically thinks about something else, anything else, except those boring tasks. The irony, however, is that the boring task is usually important. If it wasn’t it wouldn’t keep on coming up in your thoughts. So, how do you eliminate and control boredom? Get excited First, is rather than focusing on the boredom focus on the excitement of getting that task or thing done. Remember, if you don’t finish it will keep entering your thoughts, reminding you that you have unfinished business at the most inappropriate times – such as when you are trying to have fun or relax. When you start to feel bored and want to do something else, focus instead on how great it will feel when it is done; and how relieved you will feel that you don’t need to think about it anymore. Take a break to battle boredom Next, make sure that you give yourself breaks. You may want it done and over with so that you can relax, but if you don’t give yourself breaks, you can feel tired and this will make it more likely that you will procrastinate. So, take short breaks so that you can stay on point when you need to be. Bye boredom – start right now The soon... https://www.youtube.com/embed/bLU5Vd0Gnuo 2019-01-23T14:09:28.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-deal-with-stress 2019-01-15T09:00:58.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/IC16JmFlI5E/hqdefault.jpg Dealing with stress in 3 simple steps In this blog, I want to share with you 3 steps to not only deal with stress and defuse it, but to also use it to drive you forward and achieve success. This is part 4 of my ‘How to Succeed’ series, so make sure you check that out if you haven’t already. Step 1. Start seeing stress as helpful Dealing with stress is a part of life that everyone experiences at some point, yet you don’t know how to use it. In fact, most will try and tell you that stress is bad and that you need to get away from it. But this will stop you from feeling able to achieve anything, do anything or even just relax. By busying yourself doing something else, this will just defer that stressful feeling for later on and will also impact everything else you do. This is why when you can feel stressed and unable to do anything without that stressful feeling pervading your life. So, rather than seeing stress as something getting in the way, let’s start building a healthy relationship with it. This, in turn, will help you to not only get the important stuff done but lead you to feel more in control of your life. Step 2. Use a different label for stress The word stress is tied with so many negative feelings that you can feel bound by its negativity. In order to feel motivated by it, you need to relate to that feeling in a more positive way.  For me, dealing with stress is really important. I connect to stress as a message, letting me know that I’m doing something important . So, I use that as motivation to work harder to get it right and get it done. What you are able to do so far is re-label the way you relate to stress. Step 3. Dealing with stress needs acceptance The final step is to accept that this is a process that is going to take time but to keep going. It can take a while to relate to stress as something which is positive rather than negative. You might slip up a few times, but ensure you learn from your mistakes and eventually, it can get easier and manageable. Now, I welcome that stressful ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/IC16JmFlI5E 2019-01-15T09:00:58.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/adapt-and-learn 2019-01-07T09:00:36.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/M-O1zZMixVs/hqdefault.jpg How to adapt and learn This week, I ‘l explain how embracing the mindset of being reflexive and adapting to those reflections will help you to become successful. This is part 3 of my success series, so make sure you check out the rest to help you to make the best next steps to your successful life. Keep Pushing Something that I hear all the time is that you have to be controlled and centred to be successful . And I agree . However, something I see time and time again is peopl e doing the same things over and over again, b ut expecting different results. B y doing this you are actually going backwards . Y ou could be using that time in a far more productive way. Failure If you read my blogs , you should know by now there is nothing wrong with getting something wrong or failing. But it’s all about using failure to learn. Wh at ways don’t work for you? Use this to find a way that does. It is so important to keep on adapting in order to be successful . What you are trying to do might not be the problem. You just haven’t found the right solution yet. Improvement In order to change you need to get used to asking yourself how you could improve. This technique can be used for anything : from business meetings, homework, meeting friends . It’s all about critiquing what works and what doesn’t. Success This mindset has helped me to succeed in many different parts of my life. M y business, connecting with friends, clients, and family in a more productive, emotional and heartfelt way. If you look at my earlier videos, you will see just how much changing I had to do – as quite frankly they were terrible. You must keep adapting and learning to get better at anything so that you know the best way to tackle any given situation. And knowing this will give you the confidence and what it takes to learn from any situation and thrive. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/M-O1zZMixVs 2019-01-07T09:00:36.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/plan-for-success 2018-12-31T09:00:35.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/4BPuild-jlg/hqdefault.jpg How to plan for success If you’ve been following my series on ‘Making a Plan for Success’, you should be ready to begin your journey. This will actually seem like the most daunting point, as you have no idea what the steps are in order to get there. Make a plan The way to get rid of your anxiety and the first step is to make a realistic plan. For example, people say to me they are going to dedicate one hour a day to their chosen goal, which might sound reasonable – but actually how realistic is it? By the time you finish work you get home, make some food, and sit down to relax. So, how likely is it that you’re going to want to set a substantial amount of time aside? Something that I see that works is to plan just 10 minutes at the same time every day so that it becomes part of your daily routine. The same as brushing your teeth is part of your daily routine. Next, what is it that you need to do? Plan out the specific next steps towards your end goal, as otherwise you will feel lost and overwhelmed about what to do next. This could be looking into changing your job or looking up a course you want to do to further your career. One small step a day is all it takes to get closer to your dream life. Take action You can plan all day long, but the real work comes when you start actively doing what you’ve planned out. It can feel scary doing something active as there is a risk that it might not go right, but be brave and make a start. Keep adapting As with anything long-term, goals will ebb and flow depending on various factors that you can’t plan for. Th e longer you go on with your plan, the more you will need to change and adapt it. If you see that something isn’t working, assess why and change or even cut it from your plan altogether. Just because you planned it, doesn’t mean it will work, so don’t be scared to change if necessary. Have fun Sometimes, you’ll feel stressed and bored so won’t want to continue. You will never stick to anything if you don’t enjoy it. A trick that I use is when ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/4BPuild-jlg 2018-12-31T09:00:35.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/make-a-start 2018-12-17T09:00:22.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vtC7Ge8RS8o/hqdefault.jpg Start Right Now In this blog, I want to share with you the 3 most common reasons why you might find it so hard to start anything. What is it that holds you back? The first reason can be that your gut instinct has been clouded by too many different points of view. The first thought that might come into your mind could be ?I want to make a start? but then you think, ‘Will it work?’, or ‘Am I doing the right thing?’,  ‘Can I do it?’ These are all valid points which are there to help you make the best first step.? Inevitably, however, stopping you from actually making any steps at all. The first step is always the hardest to focus on. This is the initial thought to motivate you to actually do it. Instant Gratification The second is that you are only seeking short-term gain. Your brain is engineered to seek out pleasurable experiences. It is not surprising then that you will pick to do the more pleasurable things in the short term, rather than the harder tasks that will bring long-term happiness but will take a little bit more work. This is why starting right now is so important as it stops you feeling lazy. Helping you to avoid you procrastinating and just generally putting off what you need to do. Time The last reason is feeling like you don’t have time. If, for example, by setting some time aside to make a start you were going to receive a billion pounds – would you do it? Inevitably, the answer is always yes which shows that at the moment at least, your goal, or your time, is not important enough for the task you’re delaying. Something that will make it easier for you is to make a plan to do one step every time you have some time. Anxiety All of these points have one thing in common – anxiety. Your anxiety is stopping you from trying or doing anything as you have always been told to defuse anxiety as quickly as possible. Whereas anxiety is trying to motivate you to do that thing that’s been on your mind for so long. So, rather than just thinking about it, make that first step to ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/vtC7Ge8RS8o 2018-12-17T09:00:22.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/start-feeling-happy 2018-12-03T10:37:24.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/6zJ5TwwlkFc/hqdefault.jpg Why do I never feel happy? Happiness is a part of life that you have been told is normal. You want to just be happy all the time and if you don’t feel happy, then that’s a bad thing. If you tell anyone you don’t feel happy, you are told to just forget about your worries as it is just getting in the way. Feel happy: Start now Hunger Let’s think about this now, if you were really really hungry, would you be happy? If someone told you to not feel hungry; to just forget about it and be happy, what would you say? It sounds ridiculous because it is. Hunger is trying to tell you that you have low energy and you need to eat to help maintain yourself. Now I use hunger because you, just like everyone, are allowed to feel hungry and to act on it. Control You can’t just stop being sad, just like you can’t stop feeling hungry, but it’s all the same. Sadness, depression, anxiety, tension or stress are all there shouting and screaming for you to pay attention to them. They are trying to get you to act to change a part of your life so that you can sort something out, get something done and move forward. Happiness is the end result of achieving something, making something or being stress-free. There is no shortcut or quick fix to feeling happy, so you must understand and use those harder-to-deal-with emotions. What was I scared of? Once you get used to getting those tasks done you will look back and think, ?What was I scared of? Why didn’t I just do it? Because now I can live my life without that negativity hanging over my head. And do you know what will follow? Not numbness, stress or anxiety from procrastination, but actual happiness. What I want to leave you with is that life sometimes gets in the way of you being happy. So, if you don’t act on those harder to deal with emotions, you will never be able to be genuinely happy. What do you need to fix in your life? Then make a start and go and do it. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/6zJ5TwwlkFc 2018-12-03T10:37:24.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/feeling-empty 2018-11-26T09:00:34.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/jSYZM-o5eXY/hqdefault.jpg How To Stop Feeling Empty In this blog, I want to share with you 5 steps to help you stop feeling empty inside. When it comes to that feeling of emptiness you might have, chances are you have never been taught how to feel emotionally full. It’s likely that you have always been told to just be happy. Read more : Stop feeling empty inside Is feeling empty inside normal? This feeling can be so present that you have not been able to listen to your feelings of emptiness and therefore, it has become too scary and daunting to focus on. This is the main reason why you tend to fill your time with those more short-term, meaningless tasks. They make you feel good in the short term, yet leave you feeling empty in the long-term. Instead, start acknowledging the emptiness as a feeling helping to drive you forward to get things done. 2. Listen to your emotions Just like the emptiness you have spent time busying yourself from feeling any of those more negative emotion in the hope of feeling happy all of the time. So instead, listen to your feelings surrounding the emptiness as they are there trying to help you to solve the riddle of why you feel so empty inside Think to yourself what would help you to start feeling full? 3. Start setting long-term goals Remember, not all of your goals need to be long-term ones. You can still have hobbies that you enjoy but don’t let your whole life be based around those short-term experiences. Start focusing instead on working on something bigger that is going to help you achieve lasting results. If you think of it in terms of a hobby like playing a sport, the more you practice, the better you get and so the more enjoyment you get out of playing. This is the same in terms of other parts of your life too. 4. Start right now It is easy to just plan and think about things, as there are no perceived risks – but starting is the hard part. Once you do start, even if it is just one small step, you will realise that you do have what it takes to achieve your dreams and limit the ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/jSYZM-o5eXY 2018-11-26T09:00:34.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/control-anger 2018-11-05T09:00:28.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wh3DY6kOKAc/hqdefault.jpg The key to controlling anger In this week’s blog, I want to share with you 5 steps to help you to start controlling anger. Controlling anger Step 1. Know the motive of anger If you’re here because you’re looking into controlling anger. Anger is trying to help you to sort out your life or solve a problem to get things done.  Step 2. Stop seeing anger as unhelpful You may have always been told to run from anger and that it is a bad emotion that gets you nowhere.Instead, you just need help controlling anger.  But by realising the motive for your anger it will allow you to see it in a different light. Not fully listening to it or understanding the anger can make it seem scary.  Step 3. Learn to sit with anger Now, controlling anger might seem easier said than done as you haven’t learnt to sit with it. You have only learnt to suppress anger or shout and scream in an angry rage.  However, if you can learn to sit with the anger it can stop you from being consumed by it. Step 4. Understand and formulate By using the above steps you can be able to see anger in a different light even though it’s an emotion that can feel hard to use, but with time It can help you understand what to do.  Step 5. Sort the parts of your life that you feel angry about. It’s not about shouting at someone, but rather expressing yourself in a calm, controlled way. For example, rather than shouting, instead of expressing that you feel angry about the situation. And how can you both ensure that this doesn’t happen again? If you are not careful anger can be a self-validating, spontaneous and unstoppable force that can impact many other parts of your life and the people around you. So, rather than pushing it down and letting it explode, start relating to your anger in a more positive way. Work out what’s wrong and make changes to help you in controlling anger and living a happier life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/wh3DY6kOKAc 2018-11-05T09:00:28.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/scared-to-try 2018-08-27T09:00:32.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RNoZqx7ihOc/hqdefault.jpg Feeling scared to try new things? Trying – or even thinking about something new can fill people with fear. What happens if you get it wrong, fail or are judged by others? It can make leave you feeling scared right? In this week’s blog, I want to help you build your confidence and stop feeling scared of new ventures. Le’t escape the fear of trying something new, together. Step 1 . Stop fearing others judgement Trying new things can leave you feeling scared and feel and daunting as you can fear you won’t be good enough, will get it wrong or be judged by everyone as a failure. This point of view is one shared by many as it has been established early on by parents, friends and society in general. In order to stop fearing new things, you need to stop caring about what people think. Step 2. Stop fearing failure Just like fearing others judgement, so too is there a fear that you are going to not get something right and fail. In order to combat this, start seeing it as a necessary step to achieving your goals. This is because you are simply finding ways that don’t work so that you can get it right in the end. As you can probably tell fear is stopping you from feeling able to try anything new. In order to help you to feel more prepared, follow the next three steps to building your confidence and gaining the motivation to get the job done. Step 3. Stop feeling scared and believe in yourself If you have a great idea, you can accomplish it. People will tell you that you are wrong and not to do it, but you owe it to yourself to at least try. And you have what it takes to prepare yourself to try. Step 4. Make a plan You may know what you want but you need to make a plan so that you know how to get there. It’s like having a treasure map with an X that marks the spot. In order to get to the X, you need to plan your route. This will give you the confidence and security to get to your end goal. Step 5. Start right now! If you make excuses and think about doing it later, then it will never get done. Just like step ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/RNoZqx7ihOc 2018-08-27T09:00:32.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/3-steps-to-suceed-video 2018-05-07T09:00:11.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/D0kfOsjevPg/hqdefault.jpg 3 steps you NEED to succeed – Video How often do you find that you have a plan for success but something keeps stopping you from achieving it? To succeed and achieve your goals, you need to begin to reprogram the way that you see sticking to your plan for success. See it as exciting instead of it seeming overwhelming, hard work and scary. Have fun Step 1 is to start seeing life like a game. In a board game you roll the dice, move your piece and think nothing of it. Yet imagine not being able to summon the strength to move the piece in case you get something wrong, or land on a bad square. Just thinking about it makes me feel frustrated, sad and annoyed. The reason why it is so much easier to move in a game, rather than real life, is that the consequence of making a mistake, getting it wrong and being judged isn’t there. If we start seeing life as a game then you won’t be scared of getting something wrong as we know that you can learn from your mistakes and try again. Stop fearing failure This leads to the next step which is to stop fearing failure. Now, this is something I talk about a lot but it is such a powerful thing that it can stop you trying anything. Yet if you can see failure as just a necessary step for success then you won’t feel so scared to try and fail. To succeed, start right now! And the last step is to start right now! You may want to try but your brain automatically tells you all the reasons why you shouldn’t in order to protect your ego. And by the time that has happened you have lost momentum and confidence to try. This behaviour has kept you safe from feeling judged and like a failure, but the detriment of it is that it stops you from taking risks, leaving you stifled and bored. The key to success is to take the stress out of trying and failing. Start your journey to happiness and success right now and that is what I want to leave you with this week. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/D0kfOsjevPg 2018-05-07T09:00:11.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/motivated 2018-10-22T09:00:51.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Z7HNIY16xtU/hqdefault.jpg Start feeling motivated Motivation allows you to feel great and get what you want from life. It’s hard to get motivated sometimes, even when we want to create or achieve. Reason 1. You are scared to fail. You might have a good idea, but as soon as you start to get excited, you think of all the reasons why it won’t work. It gets you thinking are not good enough, you don’t know how to do it, and you don’t have what it takes. That part of yourself telling that is trying to stop you from feeling sad from failing. However, it would rather let you imagine being successful rather than trying and making a mistake. Instead, if you see failure as a positive step in growing and developing; showing you the ways that don’t work so that you can find the ways that do, it will mean that you don’t have to fear failure, but instead see it as just a part of achieving success Reason 2. You are used to short-term gain. Technology has made life so much easier. You are used to picking up our phone to watch a video, read an article or switching on the T.V. This short-term fix of passivity has to lead to many of us not feeling motivated or willing to put our minds to anything which takes a bit of work. Learning uses active attention which takes a little bit more time to cultivate and grow. In fact, the thought of being more active can fill you with dread as it is harder work. Stay with it though and eventually, you will enjoy the more laborious sure, but also active and rewarding tasks that get you one step closer to your dream lifeWhich leads us onto reason 3 which is Reason 3. You don’t have patience. Patience is a part of life many of us are not used to. You can feel stimulated through other means. For example, you can switch on the TV or play with our Smartphones whenever you want. If you are expected to wait, you feel bored agitated and angry. Why should I have to wait when I can get it right now! Really though you don’t want to feel that you are out of control. Important things take time and patience is t... https://www.youtube.com/embed/Z7HNIY16xtU 2018-10-22T09:00:51.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/bored 2018-10-08T09:00:43.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/TJibssaPLBA/hqdefault.jpg Why do I get so bored? In this week’s blog, I want to share why being bored stops you from being motivated and driven. Boredom is a part of life that many of feel on a daily basis. The reason that you feel bored is that you feel you have nothing to do, or that you are not getting the same enjoyment from your daily activities that you used to. Really though, boredom is trying to motivate you. This is to get you to do anything to make you not only feel happy, but productive and driven to accomplish your goals. Banish ‘bored’ In order to banish boredom from your life, you need to start adapting to a new way of life. For example, I used to love getting the high score on video games. What happened, however, was that I was playing games, getting high scores but still feeling bored. I couldn’t work out what was going on. Video games were a part of my life that I loved but still did not feel fulfilled doing it. I decided that instead of playing games I would try and use that energy on something new, such as studying psychology, online marketing and writing. And as I changed my pastimes my boredom started to decrease. When playing games I had gotten stuck in a loop that I found enjoyable when I was younger but had eventually grown out of. How should you change? So, consider the parts of your life where you feel bored – is it work? With friends? Or are you still doing an old hobby? And instead of repeating the same tasks over and over expecting different results, try something new; something that you want to do presently. It might feel scary or you might not even know what it is you want to do, b ut if you keep doing those same tasks or hobbies over and over you will continue to be bored – wishing you were doing something else. The end point Unfortunately, you might be thinking at this point that the stuff you have to do like studying or work, you have to do and can’t change. A trick that has helped me and my clients is rather than focusing on the feeling of boredom; start focusing instead on wh... https://www.youtube.com/embed/TJibssaPLBA 2018-10-08T09:00:43.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-stop-feeling-overwhelmed 2018-10-01T09:00:11.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/lyqxylT2pHE/hqdefault.jpg How to stop feeling overwhelmed In this blog, I want to help you to use your feelings to stop you from feeling overwhelmed. Step 1. Why do you feel overwhelmed? Feeling overwhelmed can come from hard to deal with emotions l ike anxiety, tension and sadness . If those feelings aren’t dealt with, that overwhelming feeling will keep building up. Step 2. This overwhelming feeling WILL subside You might feel that you can not escape feeling overwhelmed yet that feeling will subside. All you need to do is address the situation at hand and start to understand and use the feelings attached to that situation. Step 3. Feel confident The only thing that makes anyone feel confident is knowing exactly what to do and feeling confident about it. And the way for you to be more confident is to build on your knowledge and realise you have what it takes to achieve anything that you put your mind to. Step 4. Make a plan In order to help you to feel more confident, just like having an instruction manual, make a plan so that you know what you need to do and when you have to do it. Step 5. Manage your expectations Accept that you might not get it right the first time every time, and that’s OK. The more you practice the better you will get – my first couple of YouTube videos are a testament to that – but the more videos I did, the better they got. Making me not only better at doing videos but also making the whole experience of recording videos more enjoyable. The reason you feel overwhelmed is that you feel that there is too much to do and so little time to do it in. Begin with some manageable tasks and soon enough you will notice that you have done most of the tasks you set aside. Persevere and soon you won’t feel overwhelmed anymore. Remember you do have what it takes. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/lyqxylT2pHE 2018-10-01T09:00:11.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/consistent 2018-09-24T09:00:58.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/H-LEsBIeULU/hqdefault.jpg Be More Consistent The only difference between people that are happy, rich and successful is that they have consistency. And the most important part of Elon Musk’s day is his morning shower. You are probably thinking what’s so important about that? The consistency of his morning shower allows him space to look after himself and sets him up for the rest of the day. Why You Are Not Consistent So, if consistency is so important, why isn’t everyone trying for this? Well, first you need to think back to your past. Going to school would have been the first time you were expected to be consistent. You must get in on time and do your homework; Monday to Friday, 5 days a week. As many of us did, you probably saw school-work as time-consuming, difficult and boring; you couldn’t wait to leave and do your own thing. Fast forward to being an adult and working is another consistent, Monday to Friday 9-5, and again, you can’t wait for the weekend when you can have a lay-in and spend time doing what you want to do. If this is the way you see consistency, then no wonder you don’t want to be consistent in your day to day life. A New Relationship In order to change this, you need to relate to consistency as something not bad – but instead, as something empowering, motivating and easy. Personally, I keep a work diary so that I know what I am doing day-to-day. Whether it’s doing a YouTube video, a blog post or doing things that I want to do to relax. It doesn’t all need to be work work work. Therefore, if you start finding consistency as powering and motivating then you will start to actually enjoy sticking to your schedule, completing your tasks and enjoy your downtime when you have the time for it. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/H-LEsBIeULU 2018-09-24T09:00:58.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/control-emotions 2018-09-17T09:00:25.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/NYWntmkq2vA/hqdefault.jpg Control Your Emotions In this blog, I want to share five steps to help you understand and take control of your emotions. Step 1. Understand the motive of your emotions. If you have always been told that you need to get rid of those pesky feelings such as anger, sadness and frustration; in order to control them know that the reason you feel that way is simply to help you be happier. Step 2. Stop running from the more difficult emotions and instead, listen to their message. Learn how to listen to the message so that you know what is making you feel them, and then use the message to change. Step 3. Start taking action. The reason why you can’t control your emotions is from allowing them to keep coming up and not taking action. Once you understand the message your emotions are trying to send you, you can start planning and actioning what you are going to do to relieve the stress and anxiety. The example I like to use is ‘chocolate cake’. When you see the cake you feel happy and eat a slice or two. However, after your third slice, you start to feel anxious because you are worried that you will be ill from eating too much cake and so stop. It’s the same cake, but two very different emotional responses that work together to manage your overall health and happiness. Step 4. Grow your emotional language. You know what it feels like to be happy so sit with that anxious emotion and feel comfortable doing so. If you acknowledge that your feelings are trying to help, you can know what they are and what they are trying to solve. Step 5. K eep going.  Keep on listening to your emotions and using them all. If you find one more difficult than another, think about why that is? Is the message hard to listen to? Feelings both good and bad. They are trying to help you live a happier life. So, rather than running from them, start listening so you can listen to the message and use them to empower you and take control of your life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/NYWntmkq2vA 2018-09-17T09:00:25.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/childish 2018-09-10T09:00:47.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/PalFruWRkgM/hqdefault.jpg Why Do I Act Like A Child? | 3 Steps To Stop Acting Like A Child Acting like a child can make you feel frustrated, disempowered and just overall bored all the time. In this week’s blog, I want to explain why you act this way and share three steps to help you to break this cycle of behaviour. If you find that you’re always acting like a child, it can lead others to judge you as someone who is not trustworthy and irresponsible. Acting childish has even led to a disorder aptly named Peter Pan Syndrome. ‘ Peter Pan Syndrome is becoming a common issue for many attempting to grow and succeed in society today. ‘ Stress and Anxiety The reason you can act like a child is that it is your default response to stress and anxiety. You can just get used to acting like a child in a bid to quell anxiety and tension, but this also has the effect of quelling others’ expectations of you – whilst also holding you back from being the real you. Emotional Triggers First, you need to recognise what your emotional triggers are. This will enable you to recognise when you start acting like a child and stop it. Your Image Next, think about how you would like to be seen in these situations. Would you like to be seen as someone who runs from pressure, or someone that can act in a mature, confident and self-assured way? Start Today Lastly, start acting that way. It’s won’t be easy, you might not even know how else to act. In order to know how to be in both stressful and non-stressful situations, you need to watch how confident people act. Acting like a child. on the one hand, has allowed you to feel safe and secure. However, On the other, it has also stopped you from reaching your full potential. It’s in Your Power Remember, it is in your power to change your actions but before you do realise what causes you to act like a child and form new ways to relate to that situation. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/PalFruWRkgM 2018-09-10T09:00:47.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-be-lucky 2018-08-20T09:00:01.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MLp5odUOH-M/hqdefault.jpg How to be Lucky (Starting Today) Do you only ever feel that others are lucky for having the life that you want? For instance, they might have a partner, a house or money and everything seems easier for them. You might think that they are so lucky and wish you could be as lucky as them. What is Luck? Luck is a feeling that you have no control over, yet there are ways to be luckier in life. Essentially all luck is, is playing the odds. It isn’t just about doing the same things as others and expecting luck to come your way. The more times you try the more chance you have of being ‘lucky’. So, in order to create your own luck in life, you need to start acting differently. Instead of doing the same things over and over expecting things to change, do something new. YouTube The amount of YouTube videos that I have done over the past few years with only a few views, not being found and being at the bottom of the search pile. So rather than giving up I changed the format, learnt how to edit, practised my speech, and soon I became more engagement; more views and more subscribers. By learning to adapt and persevering, I have made it more likely that my channel will be found; therefore more likely to be lucky. Become Lucky So my top tips for creating luck are: Do one thing a day that leads you one step closer to your goal. Keep learning so that you find the way that works. Keep on going even when you feel sad and dejected that things aren’t working out. Luck is within your grasp, so start making yourself luckier from today. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/MLp5odUOH-M 2018-08-20T09:00:01.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-dont-i-feel-good-enough 2018-08-13T09:00:35.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/1KO1XG9Y8Wo/hqdefault.jpg Why don’t I feel good enough? Not feeling good enough now, stems from your past. This is because you have created an internal voice that tells you not to try, that you can’t do it and that you should stop right now. That voice has a motive to help you to feel safe and to ensure you live safe life, but, it is also stopping you from trying anything new. This is a comfortable life without ever being dissatisfied. If you do feel stuck in this so-called comfortable life, you can do more, because if you couldn’t or didn’t want to, you wouldn’t be actively seeking ways to feel motivated and driven to get what you want. So, if you’re not feeling good enough, you have two choices: 1. Listen to that point of view and stay where you are 2. Learn how to quieten that voice so that you can start a journey to a happier life. Step 1. Recognise that there are more points of view You don’t have to listen to the first thought that comes to mind when you’re not feeling good enough. When that first thought comes up think to yourself; Is this true? Or is there another point of view that I could listen to instead? Step 2. Know your options  Once you recognise that you have more than one point of view, it opens up a whole new way of thinking. Start thinking about all the different options, so that you make the right choices and make it more likely to not only try new things. Step 3. Make a plan I love plans, because not only do they allow you to work out how you can achieve your goals, they also help you to feel safe and motivated along the way. Step 4. You are good enough – take action and start right now! If you have a good idea, do it now! Otherwise, your initial point of view will come up and stop you from acting on it. And the more you action your plans straight away, the easier it will get. Eventually, you will enjoy acting on your ideas leaving you feeling empowered and in control of your life. Step 5. Stop fearing others judgement Everyone else can feel just as stuck as you, and so would rather you not try a... https://www.youtube.com/embed/1KO1XG9Y8Wo 2018-08-13T09:00:35.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/feeling-depressed 2018-08-06T16:37:31.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/KYonEusy_5Y/hqdefault.jpg Feeling depressed: My top tips Depression can feel inescapable. You might not even know why you feel depressed but I’m here to tell you there is a way out. In this blog and video, I’ll be sharing my top four tips to shake off depression when you’re feeling low. Step 1. Start listening to those hard to deal with feelings This is easier said than done. Most of us have never been taught how to deal with those more difficult emotions, such as sadness, frustration and anger. These feelings need listening to – sitting in them and feeling them is more beneficial than trying to bat them away. Step 2. Take every experience as it comes There is still a stigma attached to depression and mental health – and it’s time to break it. The thing about depression is that until you have figured out your feelings towards it, it won’t allow you to feel happy. Almost like there is a lion in the room with you and until you somehow escape the lion, you can’t relax. By taking each situation, event and even day as it comes you will feel able to understand that depression doesn’t have to cloud your life. Step 3. Exercise Exercise stimulated us and it can act as a release. It gives your brain some space away from the depression and anxious thoughts. This is one of the reasons why exercise has been linked to the treatment of depression. Step 4. Create change It’s difficult to feel motivated to do anything when you feel depressed. By doing nothing the depression will grow and grow until you get used to feeling that way. Eventually it can feel easier to be depressed than to start acknowledging it and taking action to beat it. Add to that the fact that you are not really sure what is wrong, and it’s not surprising that you would rather go to sleep than talk to people and get out of the house. Learn from the above steps and know that you have what it takes. Understand what you are depressed about.and use those feelings to grow. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/KYonEusy_5Y 2018-08-06T16:37:31.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stress 2018-07-30T09:00:58.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/9ma0CK9jnkw/hqdefault.jpg Stop the effects of stress from ruining your life Stress and anxiety can stop you from like your best self. They can stop you feeling like you’re able do anything – or even try. They can make everything seem unmanageable and unachievable. In this post, I want to share my five steps to stop the effects of stress from ruining your life . Step one: take your time You might think that you have to do everything you can to feel good and relieve the pressure of trying. Rather than feeling like you have to do everything right away, slow down. Try to do one task a day. You might feel like that’s not enough – but breaking things down can make everything feel more manageable. Step two: stop seeing failure as bad When you’re dealing with the effects of stress, don’t worry about getting it wrong. This means that you’re just discovering the ways that don’t work. Step three: learn from your mistakes Learning from your mistakes will get you on the right path to finding out what works best for you. Step four: enjoy the process. Instead of feeling pressured and being scared to try, start enjoying your day to day tasks, because if you don’t you will feel stressed, bored and never stick to your tasks or reach your goals. Step five: try try try again. Know that you might feel dejected and pressured now and again but know that you can get back into the groove by following the above steps and start your journey today. It might take a few goes but know that you can do it! Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/9ma0CK9jnkw 2018-07-30T09:00:58.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-do-i-feel-this-way 2018-07-23T09:00:28.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/jhMY1-o2YFU/hqdefault.jpg Why Do I Feel This Way? I want to share three keys steps to help you understand why you act and feel the way you do. Helping you to grow and develop. The world at large Step one is to understand that you have been told to act this way. You have adapted to be liked and accepted by parents, friends and society in general. Leading you to feel safe, secure and to be liked. Add to this; your general routine is comfortable and easy which is why you feel on the one hand safe, yet on the other, you have outgrown it. You’re then left feeling frustrated and bored. It’s like being expected to play with baby toys now. They were fun when you were 1 or 2 years old, but how much fun could you have with them now? Is comfort getting in the way? The next step is to notice what you would like to do versus what you feel comfortable doing. There is nothing wrong with feeling comfortable, but it can become too much and then hold you back from being the person you really want to be. You need to start relating to yourself in a new and different way. You could be someone who tries new things. Someone who knows what they want and will go out and to try and get it. Start Right NOW! Step three is to take a risk and start your journey today. This is the hardest bit as you might feel it is too daunting or scary. This outlook comes from what you have been told in step one. On the one hand, it’s keeping you safe and comfortable but on the other, it’s holding you back. Again, that way of relating to the world had its uses when you were younger, but how much help is it now? The sooner you start the better you will feel and you can then start creating new ways to have fun, grow and develop as a person, and generally be happier. Start change; learn how you connect to your past and what your behaviour is like now so that you can create new ways to be in the future. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/jhMY1-o2YFU 2018-07-23T09:00:28.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/anxiety_vs_depression 2018-05-28T09:00:45.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/UM60Va8lMw4/hqdefault.jpg What is Anxiety? | Therapist Explains Many people ask for help with anxiety and depression. You might not realise however that these are two very different feelings that get grouped together. You may think there’s no problem with that – as you need help. But imagine your leg had been sprained, but the doctor’s treated your leg as if it was broken. They’re two very different diagnoses with two very different treatments, and your mental health is exactly the same. So, over the next few weeks, I want to offer techniques to deal with and beat, both anxiety and depression. Before this, I want to break down the main difference between anxiety and depression. Anxiety When do you usually feel anxious? It’s usually when there is something important that you have to do – like a test, a date or a job interview. Anxiety is there to give you energy and motivation. It helps to encourage the best in you and accomplish a task. Depression On the other hand, depression is a feeling that stops you from believing anything good will ever happen to you. The Winnie the Pooh character Eeyore comes to mind, who always sees the worst of things and never wants to try anything new. The reason you feel depressed is that repeatedly, feelings come up such as anger, frustration or even anxiety that you haven’t felt able to manage or deal with. So, you push those feelings down and just hope they go away. Stop Suppressing Emotions Pushing your hard-to-deal-with feelings down stops you from listening to the message and acting on it. This can make you feel out of control, powerless and like nothing you try will ever work. And this isn’t your fault. You have never been taught how to deal with these difficult feelings. Yet, if you don’t act on them, they will always be there, and life feels more difficult, even if things are going well for you. Start listening to those feelings and use that message to accomplish your dreams and live a happier life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/UM60Va8lMw4 2018-05-28T09:00:45.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/road-rage 2018-05-21T09:00:03.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/1hU7RQlddrg/hqdefault.jpg Road rage: How to stay in control This week I want to share with you my top four reasons why you get road rage and help you stay in control behind the wheel. Feels Like Home The first reason is that your car is an extension of your home. Imagine that someone built their house right next to yours – so close that you can see inside your neighbours home from your window, and when they open their door it hits your wall. You feel pressured, angry and irritated that someone would get that close to you. These are the same feelings that come up when someone drives a little too close to you. They are invading your space and therefore you feel in danger. Your response mechanism goes into overdrive making you angry to keep yourself and your family safe and secure. Shocked or Suprised Reason two is feeling shocked or surprised. Just like someone invading your space, your automatic fight response comes up when you are shocked. This makes you feel like you must act in an aggressive way to protect yourself from an intruder. A Safe Space Reason three is that your car feels like safe space to be angry with no repercussions. Remembering that your car is an extension of your home – in your car you feel it’s justified to be angry as it’s your space to do what you want. With this space comes a sense of entitlement and empowerment from expressing anger. Adding to that if others do the same in their cars; this combination normalises excessive anger and rage. Which, of course, you wouldn’t dream of acting on in your day to day life outside of your car. Empowered And lastly, reason four is that your car has become a place to feel empowered and in control of your surroundings. All of the above points lead to a feeling of justification that it’s OK to be angry, and that you can be who you want in your car. A way of releasing anger and stress in a safe way. However, studies show that talking about and showing anger does not actually help to diminish anger, but instead makes you feel angrier for longer. Road rage is commonpl... https://www.youtube.com/embed/1hU7RQlddrg 2018-05-21T09:00:03.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/automatic-thoughts 2018-05-14T09:00:33.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/j0_kJBEHyr8/hqdefault.jpg Start Recognising Your Automatic Thoughts In this weeks blog I want to help you recognise your negative automatic thoughts. Helping you to break free from your same patterns of bad behaviour so you can live a happier, and freer life. Automatic Thoughts Everybody has both positive and negative automatic thoughts. They are built into everyone throughout your life by past experiences and the outcome of those situations. Helpful Positive Thoughts Let’s start first with a positive or helpful automatic thought. When you want to cross the road and you see the red man, you know that means stop, and don’t cross. Then the green man appears and you know that it is safe to cross the road. That’s a situational automatic thought that helps to cross the road and not endanger yourself. Unhelpful Negative Thoughts But sometimes thoughts can come up that make you feel scared and anxious, or that you believe a situation is dangerous. Really though, how true are these thoughts and how helpful have they been for you? For example, people say to me that they hate social situations as they are scared that they will make a mistake and look and feel like a fool. Again, these automatic thoughts are trying to help and in short term, it stops you from taking a risk. However, in the long term, it has stopped you from going out and having new experiences, making friends and having fun. You’re then left feeling stunted, frustrated and stuck in life. Question Your Thoughts These thoughts will always come up so rather than trying to change them, question how accurate they really are. Say you are going to meet someone new and your automatic thought is to cancel the meeting because you feel anxious that you will feel awkward or make a mistake. Think to yourself ‘I know this thought is trying to help but it is not 100% true – so go away!’ Just by seeing it as something you don’t have to act on, will free you up to change your behaviour. Learn to distance yourself from that thought, weigh up your options and live a happier life. The more you... https://www.youtube.com/embed/j0_kJBEHyr8 2018-05-14T09:00:33.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/feeling-down 2018-07-16T09:00:22.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/2RD1iiFxe2c/hqdefault.jpg Why do I feel down?  Feeling down and depression are definitely the most topic I am asked about. There are some parts of your life that you might feel are easy, and in those situations, you feel empowered, motivated and happy. Yet there are some aspects of your life where you don’t know what to do or how to gain mastery all control over; The coursework or work assignment you don’t know how to do or looking at your bank balance and noticing again you have spent too much money. These are the parts of life that make you feel down as we feel that you have no way of controlling or feeling empowered. Add to that the anxiety tension or stress that comes up even when thinking about it and it doesn’t surprise me that feeling down makes you tired as going to sleep it’s the only way to escape those emotions. Depression Depression makes you feel like all hope is gone and there is nothing you can do to change your circumstances and this point of view is exactly what depression is keeping you locked in those emotions. Let me ask you though, is that actually the case? The only way out of feeling down or depressed is to realise that you might feel bad now but it is not forever. You might not be able to change your life right now so instead start focusing on the future You have the power For example, you may need to start budgeting so that you can start saving for the future. Alternatively, start exercising and eating clean can give you more energy.  Know that you do have the power to change your circumstances and gain mastery over your life. It just means instead of focusing on how bad things are now. Focus instead on how you can build the life of your dreams in the future which will help you to create your dream life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/2RD1iiFxe2c 2018-07-16T09:00:22.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/trolling 2018-07-09T13:13:05.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/6IpV5EgcdMA/hqdefault.jpg Why do people troll? Trolling is ever-present on the internet, yet in the real world, you don’t find people. Trolling is a personal interest for me as I wrote my master dissertation on why people feel able to troll. This is what I learnt: Trolls are just like you and me This changes when they are able to hide behind the anonymity of a computer. It offers them the power to let your inner demons out. No inhibitions Things that you wouldn’t even dream of saying to others in person becomes normal or even funny to do online. The main reasons are a mix of anonymity, learned behaviour and a feeling of need. The internet has become a safe space to let out our more negative and harder-to-deal with feelings. All those stored up feelings, such as anger, frustration, resentment and greed don’t feel as scary to let out. There is no remorse or judgment, which is what is scary in the real world – or the look on someone’s face for being mean. No consequence All of those feelings are able to come out with no felt consequences.  But, what happens when you are held accountable for your actions online? Well, the unfortunate story of Brenda Leyland who committed suicide when confronted about her trolling activities is telling of just how different online personas are to the real-world. Are you a troll? For the trolls out there reading this blog, what I want to leave you with is to think about your actions. Think about why you get angry with someone online. What are you trying to achieve? Trolled If, however,  you are being trolled, know that the anger and aggression are not really directed towards you. Trolls are frustrated and are using you to offset some of their feelings. It doesn’t make it right but at least you know that it is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. Disengage and soon they will get bored and move on. Stay safe online. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/6IpV5EgcdMA 2018-07-09T13:13:05.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/lazy-at-work 2018-07-02T09:00:27.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/j1lzf8pVoR4/hqdefault.jpg Why am I Lazy at Work Hate being lazy and don’t know how to change? In this week’s blog, I want to discuss with you why you find you are too lazy to do the work you know you should be doing. Laziness is a habit that creeps up on you and you are not even sure how you got there. All you know is that everything seems like too much hard work or you procrastinate and nothing gets done. You’re then left feeling frustrated as the work never gets done. You Are Not Lazy Now, I don’t think you are lazy. If you were lazy you wouldn’t be here, as you would be too lazy to look for a solution. Why is it then that you are not lazy to do the things that you like, but only with what you don’t want to do? Well, work is hard, it’s boring and it’s anxiety-provoking. What happens if you get it wrong? Or it’s too difficult? Or you fail? So instead, you do the things you know how to do. It feels comfortable and safe. Procrastinate In the short term, your brain is validating the laziness; sending the feel-happy chemical Serotonin, to your brain, to make you feel good. The root of laziness is where you put your importance. At the moment, easy, safe life is what’s important, so you always gravitate towards those tasks and distance yourself from the difficult tasks. Be Excited to Work In order to break free from laziness, you need to change the way that you connect to the work. Start seeing work as something you are excited to do, so in the coming weeks, I will write a blog post on how to change the way you see your work – from something anxiety-provoking which you want to put off; to something fun that you get excited about. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/j1lzf8pVoR4 2018-07-02T09:00:27.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/always-give-up 2018-06-25T09:00:22.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Pw69OM6P-X8/hqdefault.jpg The reason you always give up In this week’s blog I am going to explain the top five reasons why you give up, so that you can learn how to keep going and moving forward with your goals. Planning and dreaming The first reason you give up is that you may be more comfortable with planning and dreaming rather than trying. Dreaming is comfortable and it’s easy. You don’t have to take risks or feel bad for failing. The hard part is actioning your plans, taking a risk, failing a few times but picking yourself up to find a way that works. First of all, you need to get out of the mind frame of dreaming and start doing. Don’t give up, prioritize The second reason you find it difficult to stick to anything is that what you want is not yet built into your life. You know you want to be rich and successful, but you are so busy living that you have not prioritised the time to work towards your dream. In order to change that you need to start prioritising your goals rather than, for example, watching TV or socialising. Mundane tasks The next reason is that you can get bored of doing that mundane, day to day tasks. You like dreaming about living your perfect life but sometimes you are going to have to do the boring stuff before you can live the exciting life of your dreams. For example, I love filming YouTube videos but I hated preparing them as I found it so difficult to do. However the more I did them the better I got and now I enjoy writing them – they make my recording time shorter and my videos easier and more enjoyable to do. Time The fourth reason people give up is they feel that it takes too long. It’s exciting to start something and to finish, but it’s the bit in the middle that’s difficult and boring. The problem is that you’re focusing too much on the endpoint. Focus instead on living in the moment and enjoying the here and now, so that you don’t get bored or frustrated that you have not reached your dream life yet. Goal setting Reason five is that you are not setting realistic goals. This is a com... https://www.youtube.com/embed/Pw69OM6P-X8 2018-06-25T09:00:22.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/hard-to-change 2018-06-18T09:00:05.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/AU7D6A5wtz0/hqdefault.jpg Why you find it hard to change In this week’s blog, I want to share with you five top reasons why you find it so difficult to change. And once you know, you can understand what’s holding you back from being the happiest possible version of yourself. Routine The first reason why you could find it hard to change is that you are too used to the same routine. It feels safe, easy, you know what will happen and you know what to expect from your actions. Yet, this routine is keeping you locked in the same patterns of behaviour. In one respect this is safe for you, but on the other hand, you’re not led anywhere new. A beginner And that leads us on to reason number two, which is that this routine becomes boring. If you have done the same thing for months, or even years, you become an expert at it. So when you try and change you have to start all over again and become a beginner again. This can feel frustrating; making you angry and bored because you just want to be good and better at it right now. Scared to Fail Reason three is that it is scary to fail. If you start something new you are going to fail a couple of times. This is a necessary step in getting good at anything, but if you haven’t done anything new in a long time it’s a very scary prospect. Too busy Reason four is that life gets in the way. You are just too busy to make the changes – you have work, family and friends to deal with; it’s too time-consuming. This is something that I hear time and time again but what I find is that you can feel like everything has to change right now. Rather than changing everything at once and being overwhelmed, make one small change a day and in as little as a week your life would be on a different path. An end goal The final reason is that you don’t know what you really want. You know you are not happy but don’t know what you want, so you don’t know what changes to make. It’s just like having a treasure map with no X marks the spot. You want the treasure but don’t know where it is. By understanding why you fi... https://www.youtube.com/embed/AU7D6A5wtz0 2018-06-18T09:00:05.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/beat-depression 2018-06-11T09:00:10.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/uzyQfpCu7kU/hqdefault.jpg How to beat depression Over the last few weeks I have been discussing the differences between anxiety and depression. Make sure you check out my YouTube playlist to help you to get some extra help if you are trying to beat depression and/or anxiety. Control Step one, is to stop seeing depression as something you can’t control. You may get told to ‘snap out of it’ and stop being depressed, but depression is always trying to send a message – to help you gain power and control your own life. Listen Step two is to listen to your feelings. By listening to the message your brain is trying to tell you, it can help you to understand what is underneath the depression. As I have discussed, depression comes up because you have not listened to the feelings trying to motivate you. This, in turn, can leave you feeling trapped, as if nothing you do will make a difference – which can lead to depression. Think back to a time before the depression started – what was it that you want to achieve from life? Associated feelings Then, what feelings were associated with starting that goal? Anxiety? Fear? Frustration? These are the feelings that depression is trying to protect you from. When you have more control over your emotions, you have a better understanding of what the depression is hiding. Step three is to think about what it would feel like to accomplish those goals. Say you got your dream job or started to feel fitter and healthier, how would you feel – proud, confident or successful? Connect Step four is to connect with those new, empowering feelings when thinking about achieving your goals. The only difference between the depressed you and the you that you want to be, is that you used to connect more so to those bad emotions, that made you feel powerless and depressed. Instead, if you connect to the more empowering feelings such as pride, success and confidence, you will feel empowered and more confident to achieve your dreams or goals. START RIGHT NOW! You read that correctly. The last step is to ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/uzyQfpCu7kU 2018-06-11T09:00:10.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-lying 2018-04-30T09:00:03.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/INL5ZE8LhiM/hqdefault.jpg 5 steps to stop lying I got a question on my YouTube channel asking why they find it different to tell the truth. So, I want to share my 5 steps to help you stop lying. In order to break the cycle of lying, you first need to find your triggers. When do you lie? Step 1 and 2 is to notice when you lie and who you lie to. Is it with friends? Colleagues? And is it mainly at school or at home and work? Why do you lie? This leads to step 3: Work out why you lie in those situations. Do you lie because you want to be seen in a certain way, as good, intelligent or as interesting as others? What these 3 steps are doing is breaking down your current identity that comes from lying. Stop lying Now that you understand when, why and how you lie, the next steps are to stop this repetitive behaviour. Step 4, is to recognise the feeling associated with being in that situation and with those people. Do you feel anxious, tense or stressed? The purpose of lying is to diffuse the tension in your life. Once you understand your motive for lying you can start to notice how you feel in those situations and change that behaviour. And this is what step 5 is going to help you to do. Change your automatic response This is to test out a different response in situations where you would normally lie. When you feel those difficult or hard emotions, take a breath and tell the truth. It might seem scary or daunting as you are so used to telling people what they want to hear rather than the truth, but it will mean that you won’t have to work so hard making up stories – and remember whom you told which stories too! You can just be yourself. In the short term, lying can be the answer to all of your issues. It helps you to diffuse tension, feel good and look good to others. However, in the long term, it leads you to feel pressured as you have to tell lie after lie to make sure that you don’t get found out. It might take some time but understanding yourself more will help you to notice why you are lying, so you can start not... https://www.youtube.com/embed/INL5ZE8LhiM 2018-04-30T09:00:03.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/what-to-do-if-you-fail 2018-04-23T09:00:01.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/WX_avYQ9Mds/hqdefault.jpg WHAT TO DO IF YOU …. FAIL Failing or failure, in general, is something that you?re told to avoid at all costs. It’s said that everyone should try their best, but being seen as a failure has a huge effect on your mood and overall identity. So, you need to reframe the way that you see failure. Rather than being scared of it you can be happy to fail, as it is one step closer to your success.   Stop using the word ?Failure? You do this by stop saying it or even thinking about the word failure. Failing is seen as such a bad thing that if you keep thinking and saying it. Leaving you feeling scared before you even start to try. Rather than thinking that you are failing, you are simply finding the ways that don’t work so that you will learn from your mistakes and find the way that does.   See the positives Next, start seeing the positives of failure. Know that you are brave for trying, and by trying you can find a way that does work. ? Stop fearing others judgement Others that judge you for failing are stuck in the same boring lives, not trying and trying to make themselves feel good at your expense. Don?t let their judgement win and stop you from trying to better your life. I know the thought of failing is horrible but by trying you are doing the opposite of failure. As scary as failure is, it is stopping you from doing anything new. Stooping you from working towards the happiest and best you possible. Know what you want and start seeing the positives in trying and working out the way that does work rather than being hung up on the ways that don?t. ? Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/WX_avYQ9Mds 2018-04-23T09:00:01.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-build-self-confidence-in-5-steps 2018-04-17T09:30:35.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/oW7UmmPauRE/hqdefault.jpg How to build self-confidence in 5 steps Self-confidence is necessary to be able to talk to others, be yourself and overall be happy. In this week’s blog, I want to share my 5 steps to building your self-confidence. Step 1. You don’t know everything Be ok with not knowing everything. The number one reason why someone is confident is that they feel in control, and that means feeling OK with sometimes not knowing what to do. Step 2. Be prepared This leads us to the next step which is to be prepared. If you prepare a question topic when the conversation goes quiet and you have nothing left to talk about then you won’t feel lost For example, I love your shoes, where did you get them from? Step 3. Others point of view isn’t that important Stop caring what others think. Believe that you are the most important person in the room. You don’t have to pretend to be someone you are not to please others – but your lack of confidence has shrouded your personality for so long that you haven’t felt able to show who you really are. People are lucky to talk to you – believe that – and if someone doesn’t like it then that’s their problem, not yours. Step 4. Stop blaming yourself One day, you might not know what to say, you’ll trip up or make a mistake. I bet that’s one of your greatest fears, which is what is stopping you from putting yourself out there. In reality, making a mistake isn’t that bad, but rather how you carry on after the mistake is how people will remember you. For example, if you are speaking to someone and you knock over a glass of water. It’s not ideal, but rather than stopping talking and running away which makes people judge you in a negative way, apologies, make a joke out of the mistake and carry on. Believe it or not, making a mistake can actually work to build a more confident self-assured picture of you if you learn how to carry it off. Step 5 . Let your self-confidence shine Whether it’s standing up a bit straighter or learning to look at someone in the eye when you talk to them , some physical c... https://www.youtube.com/embed/oW7UmmPauRE 2018-04-17T09:30:35.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/be-more-competitive 2018-04-09T09:00:16.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wdWwGdeQj54/hqdefault.jpg Why You Should Be More Competitive People think that being competitive means that you are a selfish, bad or horrible person. Yet, in order for you to get what you want and to be happy, you must be more competitive. Do you notice that it is always the losers that say that? Think about it, without competitiveness there would be no sports, creativity, no innovation, no video games; you wouldn’t wear makeup or go to the gym. You would be stuck at home, eating and sleeping and not doing anything important. Competitiveness in Society Everything is built on competitiveness, it helps you adapt and means that your genes survive. What I am suggesting is that you need to start seeing competition in more areas of your life. Competition means that you will work harder to be driven and motivated to achieve greatness and be the best you can be. Now if it was as easy as that, then everyone would be happier. But there are some common thoughts and feelings that come up with competitiveness which I want to help you to overcome. START RIGHT NOW 1) You expect to be great right now. You need to take time and practice if you have any chance of being good at anything. 2) You are scared to fail or lose. Failure is just a necessary step to get better at anything. Rather than setting your sights high, set them lower and be pleasantly surprised when you come out higher than you expected. 3) You don’t feel confident or good enough to even start. The hardest part is the very first step as you are stepping into the unknown. Once you make that start however things do get easier. 4) You are scared of others judgement. The reason they might judge you, however, is because they feel inadequate, not good enough or they are jealous that you are trying to achieve greatness. You trying and achieving is showing them what they are not doing. Play To Win You are not a bad person for being competitive and wanting to win. In fact, you are the braver person for doing what you want to do and achieving greatness. Listen to your heart and don’t ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/wdWwGdeQj54 2018-04-09T09:00:16.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/angry-small-things 2018-04-02T09:00:16.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vm3l9EkKHbg/hqdefault.jpg Why you get angry over the little things Don’t get angry. Just forget about your troubles and be happy. However, forgetting about it means leaving it to stir, suppressing it so that the next time you get even a little bit angry, all of that pent-up anger comes out. Y our emotions are suppressed. You get angry over the smallest little thing in a completely unrelated situation. Feeling angry and safety The reason why you feel able to let this anger out is that you feel safe. Often we take out our feelings on those closest to us. You feel that there won’t be any repercussions getting angry at a loved. How many of you feel like you show the worst sides of yourself to the ones you love the most. For example, getting angry at your sister or brother over the smallest things, arguing with your partner over the TV not working, rather than at your boss for shouting at you at work. This all happens because you have never been taught how to use anger in a constructive and positive way. Anger has always been seen as a negative emotion that you should let go of. In reality, you need to use this anger to make some changes, learn from it, and better your life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/vm3l9EkKHbg 2018-04-02T09:00:16.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-dreams-work 2018-03-19T09:00:36.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/2qsNBq5loIQ/hqdefault.jpg How do dreams work? We all need to sleep. Sleeping helps your body and your brain to repair itself; waking up refreshed, and ready to live life to following day. When your brain is repairing itself it goes through memories of past events and all the feelings that you have felt over the past couple of hours, days or even months and years. These feelings come up throughout the day, but you are usually too busy to notice. And so you’re able to bat these feelings away if they remind you of something bad, anxiety-provoking, or stressful. When you are asleep your feelings have free reign to come up. They try to give you a message, so your brain tries to attach the feelings to a situation to help you to see and understand what’S wrong. This is why you can have a dream that seems so random, but wake up feeling stressed, anxious or uneasy. Why are my dreams bad? You are probably thinking, ‘why don’t I have good dreams when I am having fun, and everything is going great!’ Well, the reason for this is that throughout the day, happy feelings are far easier to manage! Whereas the more negative feelings have nowhere to go, you push them down, and you try to ignore them. When you go to sleep, your brain processes the day and is met with these negative feelings that it needs to address. So, it creates a dream to show you this feeling that needs sorting out. A window into the unconcious The founder of therapy and counselling Sigmund Freud said that dreams are a window to the unconscious. I.e. Trying to make the feelings you can’t see, visible. Remember, it’s not the content of the dream that you need to be listening to, but rather the way that the dream makes you feel. So if you feel worried when you wake up, ask yourself what’s going on in your life that you feel worried about? Maybe a piece of work you have been neglecting or a holiday that you need to prepare for? Start listening to the message of your dreams to understand what you are really feeling and what needs fixing in your life. Use your d... https://www.youtube.com/embed/2qsNBq5loIQ 2018-03-19T09:00:36.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-having-nightmares 2018-03-12T09:06:55.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/uMYyo49KgMo/hqdefault.jpg Stop having nightmares Nightmares can pop up, over and over again – leaving you to feel out of control, scared, or anxious about going to sleep and then waking up. Dreams are your mind trying to understand and resolve emotions or feelings that you may not have dealt with. Listen to your feelings Step one is to listen to these feelings associated with your nightmares. What is their message? Step two, is to ask yourself the question, what are these feelings trying to say? As an example, if you feel anxious to ask yourself, what is going on that is making you anxious? You might have a test coming up that you don’t feel prepared for or you feel tense as you are not sure if you have money for rent this month. Listen to the feelings underneath the nightmare Your nightmares are trying to send you a message in any way possible – therefore shocking you into action. Remember, it is not so much the content of your nightmare that you need to listen to, but rather the feeling or emotion underneath it. And this leads us to the final, and most important third step, which is to act on these feelings within the nightmares, in order to diminish the anxiety and stop your nightmares. I.e. Start revising for that test, sort out your finances or do whatever you need to do to stop that feeling pervading your life. Your dreams will eventually stop having this negative tinge, and you will be able to have a better nights sleep. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/uMYyo49KgMo 2018-03-12T09:06:55.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/lying-to-yourself 2018-03-05T09:00:31.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/cwEa0ecPNt8/hqdefault.jpg Stop Lying To Yourself Lying to yourself is a short-term action that can make you feel safe, but in the long term means further lies and living in a false reality. It can also be a very lonely existence! The main reason why you lie is to defuse tension, get out of trouble or to make yourself feel better. It can become so natural that you don’t even realise that you are doing it. Automatic Response This lying, is an automatic response to any tense situation to make yourself feel a little bit better. So, when you feel like this on your own you lie to stop feeling tense, anxious or sad. Why do you lie to others? The first step to stop lying to yourself is to notice the triggers which cause you to lie to others. This could be when you’re trying to impress someone when you are in trouble or you feel upset in general. Notice what you say to others or how you act when you lie to them. Notice your feelings Once you know why it is you lie to others, Step two is to notice when those same feelings of anxiety or tension come up. Do you always try and paint a picture of success in your mind, or sugarcoat the truth? Learn to cope with anxiety Step two is rather than lying to yourself learn how to sit with those hard to deal with feelings. If you start acknowledging them as a positive, then you won’t need to try to get rid of them. Stop Running So, rather than seeing these feelings as something to run away from, let’s see them for what they were made for. This leads us to Step four, which is to use those difficult feelings to better your life. Listen to the message of your feelings The reason why you try to escape these feelings is that you have never been told what to do with them. You might have only ever been told that they’re bad and that you need to get rid of them to feel happy. In reality, these feelings are trying to show you what to fix to create happiness in your life. Start using those hard to deal with feelings to learn from your mistakes, stop being scared to fail and start to create a p... https://www.youtube.com/embed/cwEa0ecPNt8 2018-03-05T09:00:31.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/use-jealousy 2018-02-26T09:00:19.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vdZW7Ml4LCI/hqdefault.jpg Use Jealousy Jealousy is an emotion that can stop you in your tracks.  It keeps you entwined in horrible thoughts about how unfair life is and how much you hate others just for having something you might not have. Life not going your way might not be entirely your fault, but rather than focusing on the jealousy, use that feeling as motivation to achieve greatness. Acceptance First, accept that you will feel jealous sometimes. There are countless studies showing that jealousy is something that is built within us from birth. It’s a part of being human, so don’t beat yourself up for feeling jealous. But, at the same time don’t allow it to define you. What are you jealous of? Next, when you feel jealous notice what it is you are jealous of. Is it something someone has done? The way they look or what they have achieved? The reason you feel jealous is that it gives you an element of control. It offers a flimsy reason for why you have not achieved what others have. With this frame of mind, all you are doing is stopping yourself from using your emotional energy for what it’s there for – motivating you to try new things, create, achieve and be happy. Learn from jealousy Lastly, rather than feeling that horrible jealousy, think about what it is that you could learn from others success. For example, if your friend looks great, instead of sitting at home feeling jealous, you could go to the gym. If a friend gets the job of their dreams, think about what you need to do to get your dream job. At this point two things will happen, either, you will pick the easier path which is to think that this is all a waste of time and go back to being consumed by jealousy. Or, you will pick the slightly harder choice which is to acknowledge jealousy as a motivator. Feeling jealous is the easy way out – so, stay strong and keep using jealousy to motivate you to better your life rather than limit you. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/vdZW7Ml4LCI 2018-02-26T09:00:19.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/irritated 2018-02-19T09:00:55.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/mfnvb9iLngM/hqdefault.jpg Why do I feel irritated? The reason you feel irritated is that something or someone has done something to upset you. They would have made you angry or feel powerless to do anything about it. So, you get irritated, have a rant and then try to forget about that feeling. If it is not dealt with at all, it will continue to pop up in other areas of your life. It can get so bad that you can feel irritated with every little thing. You will eventually mean that you can find it difficult to trust others at all. In reality, you can use irritation to help you to live a calm happier life. Acceptance Step one, is to know that it is OK to feel irritated. Just like some of your negative emotions such as sadness and anger, you have been taught to ignore and distance yourself from feelings around irritation. Irritation is just trying to send you a message, however. It is showing you that there is something wrong and something needs to change Listen to its message Step 2, is to sit back and listen to the message of the irritation. The reason why your behaviour can be judged and looked down on, is because your irritation is so overwhelming that you can find yourself getting moody, miserable, or shouting and screaming to try and alleviate your irritation. Act on the message Step 3, is to act on the message of irritation in a calm and controlled way. Rather than acting in a way that leads to you being judged, make sure that you say what you need to say without the tinge of irritation devaluing your message. Use your irritation to create a message, count to five to get rid of that tight feeling, and then act. Say what you need to say or change your life to get rid of your irritation. Feeling irritated is a normal part of life which, if not acted on, will come up again and again. Use your feelings to better your life rather than ignoring your feelings and being bogged down by them throughout your life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/mfnvb9iLngM 2018-02-19T09:00:55.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/help-a-friend 2018-02-12T09:00:50.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3cG16LKMRvw/hqdefault.jpg How to help a friend with their mental health Talking about mental health can be anxiety provoking. Especially when someone else’s mental health is in question. You might feel like you should be there for them, but don’t know where to start or how to approach the subject. Make them feel comfortable The first step is to take them somewhere private where they’ll feel comfortable. The setting is important as what you will be discussing is personal and delicate; therefore they will need to feel as comfortable as possible. Have patience What they are talking about they may have never told anyone else before. They could feel embarrassed, ashamed or angry, so be patient and let them go at a pace that suits them. Be non-judgemental If they wish to discuss their issues with you, remember to listen, not to judge or accuse them of doing something wrong. So make sure you are accepting, comforting and there for them in any way they wish you to be. Be prepared Next is to prepare yourself. When discussing your friend’s issues they might become upset, dismissive or even angry at you for bringing up their problem. You are essentially prodding an open wound so it makes sense that they would flinch emotionally as they are in pain. Be prepared and try not to take in personally. Look after yourself too Lastly look after yourself. You are a good person for trying to look after another person, but make sure that you are safe physically and emotionally. Just because you want to be there for them, this doesn’t mean you should do something that puts your safety at risk or goes against your own moral code. I hope this blog has helped to give you the confidence to help someone you feel is in need of support. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/3cG16LKMRvw 2018-02-12T09:00:50.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/discuss-mental-health 2018-01-29T15:05:10.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xraNo6gnvGs/hqdefault.jpg It’s time to talk about mental health It can feel impossible to talk about mental health to a loved one when you’re feeling sad, upset or depressed. When it comes to mental health you may feel that you should be able to cope by yourself. If you hurt your back, broke your arm or sprained your wrist, you wouldn’t hesitate to tell others that you had hurt yourself. So, why should it be any different when you talk about mental health? Evidence shows that talking to others can help reduce mental and emotional anguish, whilst also helping to overcome mental health issues. I want to share 4 steps to help you to feel safe and be able to talk to others and get help in regards to your mental health. Step 1. Pick the right person. You may feel that you can’t talk to anyone in your life about your mental health because you’re scared that you will not be understood or judged.  This is why many seek the help of a counsellor or psychotherapist. However, finding someone that you can trust can get you on the way to sorting out and relieving the struggle of mental anguish and distress. Look in your heart and find someone that you trust to listen to you, be there for you emotionally, and not tell others how you are feeling. Step 2. Pick the right place. It is best to not talk somewhere like in a packed bar or restaurant, but instead somewhere comfortable, contained and where you can be yourself. Avoid having to look over your shoulder in case someone you know is there. Or the risk of being interrupted by others around you. Step 3. Start small . It might seem scary to talk to another about your problem, but rather than going right into it pick an aspect of your issue that you feel able to talk about first. Start out small and when you feel ready to let that person into more of your issues. Go at your own pace and don’t feel pressured to tell them anything that you don’t feel ready to. It takes courage to talk about mental health. It takes a lot to talk about mental health issues. Society has taught us to keep calm and c... https://www.youtube.com/embed/xraNo6gnvGs 2018-01-29T15:05:10.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-you-lie 2018-01-22T09:00:17.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wdWwGdeQj54/hqdefault.jpg Are you a liar? Here’s how to stop Are you a compulsive liar? If you’re not careful, lying can become a part of your life and identity. It can then become easier to tell a lie rather than the truth. Release stress and pressure The reason you lie is that, in the short-term, it releases stress and pressure so that you don’t have to live in a stress-filled reality. In one respect it can help you to manage stress and negative emotions. In actuality, it’s just delaying you feeling these in the short term, but not helping you to get rid of them so they will just come up repeatedly until you sort them out. Stop worrying about what others think The second reason you lie is that you’re trying to make yourself look a certain way to others. You may want to be seen as cool or not judged for not being good enough. By lying you gain the praise of doing what you’re lying about, but really you have not actually gone out and done it. In fact by gaining the validation of doing something that you haven’t done, stops you from trying the new things you lied about doing. Break the habit The third reason is it has become a normal response in your life. If you get used to lying then it becomes a default response. Honesty is the best policy The fourth reason you lie is to avoid punishment. You don’t want to be blamed for doing something wrong or that you made a mistake. However, just like the first reason you are delaying the stress of making a mistake for longer. If you get found out you will not only be blamed for making the error but also lying, breaking the trust and casting a shadow on your character. Lying leads to living in a false reality, which you are desperate to live in but no one else shares. The fact that you are lying means that you want to live a different life to be happy. Let’s work towards that happier life. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/wdWwGdeQj54 2018-01-22T09:00:17.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stick-new-years-resolutions 2018-01-15T09:00:42.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/68euH-smu10/hqdefault.jpg How To Stick To Your New Years Resolutions I’m asked by so many people how to stick to their New Years resolutions. And the answer is actually simpler than you think. Prioritise The first step is to make your new year resolutions a priority. You do this by making the resolution a new habit or part of your regular routine. This means making sure you follow through with it rather than prioritising what other people want or choosing to do something you know you shouldn’t be doing ahead of those more important tasks. Long Term Reward This leads to the second step, which is to focus on the long-term reward. Don’t focus on the short-term gain, for example, rather than eating a chocolate cake, focus on the long-term reward of getting your dream body, running that marathon and being happier in your own skin. Plan Your Future The third step is to plan your future. Plan what you are going to do, when you are going to do it and most importantly, always remind yourself why you are doing it. A plan can map out your end goal, meaning you’re more likely to achieve your dreams. Without a plan, you can get sidetracked and end up in the same place you were last year and the year before that. Enjoy The Ride Step four is enjoy your resolutions. If you are not having fun evaluate if this resolution is what you really want. You need to make sure you’re having fun acting on your goals, otherwise, you will never stick with it. As an example, eating healthy doesn’t taste as good as eating a chocolate cake or a pizza, but look up some recipes to find something you like, this way you won’t always feel at a loss because you can’t eat what you want. Remember that your New Years resolutions are meant to help you to live a happier life, so make sure you prioritise what you want to achieve rather than what you want in the short term. And most importantly remember to enjoy doing them! Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/68euH-smu10 2018-01-15T09:00:42.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/sad-at-christmas 2018-01-08T09:00:29.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/1lipwzTpOug/hqdefault.jpg Feeling sad at Christmas? Read this During the Christmas period you are expected to be excited, content and overall happy. You speak to friends or look at your social media feed and everyone looks like they are having a great time – and you may be thinking why do I feel so tired? Why am I not having as good a time as everyone else? Stress What’s not discussed is that Christmas is a very stressful time of year. Did you know that during Christmas, more relationships end than any other time of year? You might have work and family commitments, have gone into your overdraft or well into your credit card. You might have eaten and drunk too much, or not gotten enough sleep. Generally feeling overstretched, yet you’re still expected to be happy consistently. The reason The reason you find yourself in this position every year is that you are catering for others needs before your own, and at the same time trying to relive the Christmas of your past; when you could eat what you want and not feel guilty, get all the presents you wanted and had no responsibility. Create new Christmas memories In order for you to enjoy Christmas, you need to start creating a new way to relate to it. Enjoy the memories from the past for what they are – great memories. Stop pressuring yourself to recreate something which is unachievable and start putting your needs further up on your list of priorities. Acknowledge that this is a stressful time but make sure that you stay physically, mentally and emotionally safe. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/1lipwzTpOug 2018-01-08T09:00:29.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/successful 2017-12-26T21:26:21.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/kbdX-jxGrsc/hqdefault.jpg The Top 5 Habits To Be Successful Everyone would like to be successful yet success can seem hard to reach. In this week’s blog, I want to discuss the top 5 habits you need to have in order to be successful and live a happier life. Wake up Earlier The first habit is to start waking up earlier. The most successful people get up before most people do. They aim to have everything done before work even begins for most. This includes exercise, food and even relaxing. They then enter work fully energised and ready to attack the day whilst everyone else is still asleep or just getting into work. Plan Habit 2 is to plan what you are going to do. In order to achieve anything, you have to plan it out – have a routine. Use your time wisely; know what it is you want and how you are going to achieve it. Almost like a treasure map. Understand what it is you want and the best way to get there. Don’t Be Afraid To Try Habit 3 is to stop being scared to try and know that you are going to mess up now and again. You are procrastinating because you are scared to fail or you might feel let down and judged by others. You are going to make a few mistakes, but you have what it takes to achieve greatness – Just keep on going! Learn from failure and in fact, try and find all the ways that don’t work so eventually, you will fail at failing! Stop Complaining Habit 4 is to stop whining and complaining. Do you think Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates simply complain if things don’t go right? They just sit back and figure out a solution. A study showed that people who complained were unable to relieve their anger and frustration. Complaining actually did the opposite and made them more frustrated and angry. Instead, be different and work out how you are going to overcome your obstacles and achieve greatness. Start Right Now So many procrastinate, but you need to realise that the only person that is able to do what you need to do is yourself. The first step is always the hardest but also the most exciting. Start along your road to gre... https://www.youtube.com/embed/kbdX-jxGrsc 2017-12-26T21:26:21.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stick-to-a-routine 2017-12-18T13:17:53.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/0Gmo6Sp83hE/hqdefault.jpg 6 Steps to Stick to a Routine Having a routine can usually aid you in your day to day life; helping you to become your most productive self. Yet something that isn’t discussed is how hard it is to stick to a routine. This week I want to share with you 6 steps to sticking to a routine. Plan Once you have decided to start a routine, step 1 is to plan out your day. If you don’t know what you should be doing and when you should be doing it, you can feel lost and out of control. Feeling anxious or out of control is the main cause of not sticking to a routine as you will do anything you can to stop feeling this way. Instead, you might do something fun and unproductive to distract yourself. Identity With that being said step 2 is to create a routine. And, if you want something enough you need to connect to it and allow it to become a part of you. It shouldn’t be something that you need to work up to doing, it should just be a part of your life. Be More Selfish This leads to step 3 which is to start being a little bit more selfish when it comes to following your routine. If you need to eat, sleep or do something fun, you should prioritise it over everything else. Stop Feeling Guilty Step 4 is to stop judging yourself and feeling guilty for prioritising your needs over other people. I am not saying to avoid helping others, but you need to know that your priorities are just as important as other people’s. It is not your job to help everyone else all the time so don’t feel guilty for putting your needs first. Practice Step 5 is to practice following your routine and developing more self-control. It’s likely you are going to mess up a few times, but know that even if you do fail you can always start again. The more you practice self-control the easier it will get to stick to your routine. Enjoy your Routine The final step is to enjoy your routine. To be blunt, if you don’t enjoy your routine you will never be able to stick with it. Start coming up with ways to enjoy yourself while you are doing the tasks... https://www.youtube.com/embed/0Gmo6Sp83hE 2017-12-18T13:17:53.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/trusting 2017-12-11T10:37:13.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/uGAmI_QBOfE/hqdefault.jpg Start Trusting Other People Some people may find trust to be easier than others. In order to begin to trust people you firstly, mustn’t group everyone in the same way. Stop Grouping People Together People can let you down but that doesn’t mean that everyone will. If an ex-cheated on you, that doesn’t mean your new partner will. You think this way to keep you safe from not being hurt again, but this has no impact on whether someone lets you down or not. So, stop expecting this to make a difference to others? behaviour, because it will not. This leads on to the second step: Stop predicting what others will do Again, this behaviour is trying to help you gain control and safety, but it’s actually causing you to feel like that person has already broken your trust when they haven’t done anything wrong. You are not a fortune teller so stop trying to be one. In order to start trusting others, you need to start trusting yourself. You have what it takes Know that you have what it takes to deal with life and love, and that you have the confidence and resilience to stop yourself getting hurt. The reason why you don’t trust others is to avoid getting hurt. That again is because you feel that if you rely on someone they will let you down. Confidence The final step is to start feeling confident in yourself. The way you do that is to be prepared and have a backup plan. Be prepared for when you can trust others, as well as if you have to do it on your own. If you feel prepared for either instance, it won’t be so difficult if you are let down. People may have let you down in the past but that doesn’t mean everyone will. Others are there to help you so be more trusting, but also keep in mind that you can stand on your own two feet should someone let you down. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/uGAmI_QBOfE 2017-12-11T10:37:13.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/routine 2017-12-04T09:00:47.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5kdtVYL31EA/hqdefault.jpg Why you need a routine Without a routine, you can feel lost and without direction, whether that be at work, in your private life or in your relationship. So, you know you want to be happy and successful but don’t know how to go about getting it. Firstly, having a routine be the most productive way to becoming more organised and motivated. Structure Routine creates a structure, so that you know where you need to be and what you need to do to achieve everything that you need to in the day. Building a routine in your life can lead to feeling more centred and confident. It can also keep us on   track and feeling in control of situations and out day-to-day lives.  Billionaires and world leaders all stick to a routine day in, day out. It has become a part of their identity and gives them the grounding and tools to live their lives in the easiest most productive and also happiest way possible. And you can do it too. Benefits Hopefully by now, you can see the benefits of having a routine, but actually sticking to one can be hard. For example, if people ask you to do something with them and it doesn’t fit with your schedule, it can make you feel uneasy.  It’s okay to break with routine It’s healthy to have a routine, but you have to have flexibility too. It’s healthy to set boundaries and to still venture outside of your comfort zone. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/5kdtVYL31EA 2017-12-04T09:00:47.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/good-habits 2017-11-27T09:00:45.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RMbIG_sCdb8/hqdefault.jpg Good Habits Whenever habits are discussed they’re seen as predominantly bad, when in actuality, good habits can help you live an easier life. Habits just need a tweak to the point where they can help rather than hold you back. In order to do this, you need to change your mindset. Habits Your first step is to realise that just like the bad habits you feel compelled to follow, so too can you feel compelled to follow good habits. A New Outlook Next, start changing the way you think about doing certain jobs or tasks. The way that you stick to anything is to find it fun, so you need to stop seeing those jobs as boring, tough or anxiety-provoking, and start seeing them as more rewarding or exciting. The best way to do this is rather than focusing on the feeling attached to doing the job, instead focus on how relieved you will be when you finally complete it and no longer have to think about it. Do it NOW! You then need to start doing things as soon as you notice they need doing. Many procrastinate doing certain tasks or jobs and put them to the bottom of an ever-growing list. Those jobs, you have got to go and do it as soon as possible. To begin, start small. Do things around your house that you see daily such as picking up socks or putting a wash on and build up from there. Consider it no longer an option to delay doing it, see it as a part of your life that you have to follow. Triggers Next, notice what your triggers are that stop you from doing these tasks. For example, when things get tough, do you go onto Facebook, watch TV or make a sandwich when you’re not even hungry? Notice what you are doing and ask yourself why you are doing it. Practice Lastly, you need to practice. You need to establish these new routines, it is going to help you keep these new, good habits going and eradicate the bad ones. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/RMbIG_sCdb8 2017-11-27T09:00:45.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/dont-trust 2017-11-20T09:00:29.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/BsW9Exc0xUU/hqdefault.jpg Why don’t I trust anyone? Trust is a part of life that needs to be built. You need to be sure that others have your back. That you can rely on them to be there when you need them. Trust issues? For some of us, trust can seem dangerous as you feel that people won’t fulfil their promises. This can leave you feeling disappointed that your needs won’t be met. This can pervade many areas of your life leading you to feel pressured and fearful going to work, meeting with friends or even just stepping outside your front door. It’s not your fault The reason why you feel this way is not your fault. It stems from when someone let you down. Your brain has attached itself to feeling let down and hurt by others. Your automatic response to this is to feel that people will let you down, so you are not going to ask for help and everyone is a liar. You’re probably thinking, why would I do that as not everyone is a liar, I am sure there are some good people out there. And you are right – but you have created this way of relating to others to make sure that you don’t feel hurt again. Protection These feelings are trying to protect you from feeling hurt and let down by others; essentially getting you out of a seemingly dangerous situation. Your brain has built a protective mechanism to keep you safe. This is the same way it does when you touch something too hot and know not to touch it again. I am sure it did a good job in the past but now that way of relating to others is a little outdated. Your feelings are holding you back from being truly happy. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/BsW9Exc0xUU 2017-11-20T09:00:29.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-caring 2017-09-11T09:00:49.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/PiG8B_Im8co/hqdefault.jpg Stop caring what other people think of you Wish you could stop caring about what others think of you? It can hold you back and stop you from truly believing in yourself. Do you constantly second guess yourself? In essence, you are living so that other people are happy with your behaviour. Stop caring Let me be honest with you here – no one gets rich and no one is happy by always conforming to other people’s expectations. Do you think that Christopher Columbus cared what other people thought of him when he said he wanted to sail to the edge of the earth? Did Zuckerberg stop and think about what others thought when he created Facebook? Even billionaires, adventurers and pioneers don’t listen to other people’s doubts and judgements. They listen to advise but follow their dreams and ambitions to create the life that they dreamt about and the life that they want to lead. What’s stopping you from being like them? In your mind, how would it feel to be confident enough to do the things that make you happy and live the life that you want to live? I would like to propose a test This is a shake-up to see who’s opinion or point of view you can trust and who you need to distance yourself from. Step 1 – What would you like to achieve?  For example, if you want to lose weight, draw up a basic plan of how you are going to do this. Have an idea of something that you want to achieve.  Step 2 – Begin talking to people about your idea. One group of people will inevitably say that it is a ‘stupid idea! what’s the point in that and that you will manage to do it.’ Another group will say that ‘it’s a great idea’, how are you going to do that? What’s your plan, how can I help? The first group, are the reason why you are in this position. Their voices are rattling around in your brain whenever you think about doing anything new. Their judgement is holding you back.. These are the people that you need to distance yourself from. The second group are true friends. They are interested in your happiness and intend to help you. Use thei... https://www.youtube.com/embed/PiG8B_Im8co 2017-09-11T09:00:49.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/more-interesting 2017-09-04T09:00:52.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vFqt7OH10do/hqdefault.jpg How To Be More Interesting If you are reading this blog, I imagine it is because you don’t think you are very interesting. Do you feel that you have nothing to say, no one wants to talk to you or that you just feel alone? If you think this is true – I don’t. I think you have lots to say and in fact, your point of view is just as important and knowledgeable as anyone else’s. Let’s start to change that point of view so that you believe that you are an interesting person. The Origins Your first step is to acknowledge where this negative point of view came from. For example, had you been told by family or friends that you were boring or wrong most of the time? This is just another person’s point of view, however, if you seem to believe what they are saying, you have the power to change that perceived fact into fiction. What Is An Interesting Person Like? At this point you can acknowledge that you can change your point of view, the next step is to work out what an ‘interesting person’ is like. How do they stand, talk, what do they talk about and how do they speak? This is a very similar technique that I use to help people feel more confident, which is exactly what needs to be done in this situation – exude confidence. Begin changing small parts of your behaviour so that you can begin acting in a more confident way. Not Everyone Will Be Your Friend The next step is to accept that you are not going to be interesting to everyone. People have different beliefs, interests, and have had different upbringings. Not everyone is going to like the same things, watch the same TV shows or have the same hobbies as you. This is normal, so it is not up to you to change to other people beliefs and interests – this is not what this is about. Your friends might have taken a different path and have different interests. This doesn’t mean that your interests are boring, it’s just not interesting to those specific people. Responsibility For example, I hate sports but my friends love them. This doesn’t mean that I am ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/vFqt7OH10do 2017-09-04T09:00:52.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/break-bad-habits 2017-11-13T09:00:24.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HT_lRVhWhQU/hqdefault.jpg How To Break Bad Habits To break your bad habits, you to see when you do them, and why. Once you’ve done this you need to prepare an alternative action in place of that habit. Name a Habit Write down a habit that you want to change. Maybe it’s watching too much T.V, being consistently late, or overeating – it can be anything. This is important because then you can start to associate your habit to holding you back and having a negative impact on your life. Why you do it Next, understand why you do it. For example, if it is that you watch too much TV, the reason why you this could be that you are trying to delay doing something that you know you should be doing. The same can be said for overeating or continuously running late. Your bad habit helps you to feel good in the short term but in the long term, it’s holding you back from being the person you want to be. You need to first recognise what your bad habits are, then change the way you relate to your habits so that you no longer rely on them. The next step is to substitute your bad habit for something that I call The Sock Technique. The Sock Technique In the same way that you know you should pick up a dirty sock, If you know that you shouldn’t be eating that chocolate cake because you are trying to lose weight, just throw it away. If you know that you shouldn’t be watching Netflix and are procrastinating starting that essay, switch off Netflix.  The more you practice the easier it will become to listen to that voice telling you what you should and shouldn’t be doing. A New You The last step is to picture yourself without that habit. If you didn’t overeat if you didn’t procrastinate, and if you did the stuff you were meant to do when you were meant to do it, how would you look? What would you achieve, how would you feel? Think about and create that image of you. That’s it; follow these steps to eradicate your bad habits and start living in control. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/HT_lRVhWhQU 2017-11-13T09:00:24.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/overcome-laziness 2017-11-06T09:00:58.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5plQqX8WWho/hqdefault.jpg LAZINESS HOW TO STOP BEING LAZY (4 EASY STEPS) I want to help you to break out of the habit of laziness. Overcoming laziness allows you to get the things you want and to reach your full potential. Read more : How to overcome laziness Laziness stems from the decisions that you have made, that all of a sudden become an automatic habit. In this instance, it wouldn’t even occur to you that there is another choice not to be lazy. Step 2. Take that choice away. When I am in a session a client, I call this the  ‘sock technique’, but this can be used in any situation. When you see something to tidy up, like a sock, a plate or a cup, you must do it there and then. No, if’s or but’s, just go and do it. Laziness is a habit and by starting to do everything as soon as you notice it, it will help you to form a new habit of doing everything right away. Step 3. Reinforce that habit. Do you notice that you never put off watching your favourite TV show? Or going on Facebook? Anything that you don’t want to do or haven’t chosen to do, are the things that you will delay doing. You need to start seeing all of these things in the same light. Rather than feeling daunted to start them, be excited to finish them. Instead of focusing on the dread of starting it, focus on the contentment and freedom of completing them. Step 4. Enjoy having that weight off your shoulders. Realise that you will be able to enjoy your time to relax even more as you won’t have the weight of the big job while you are trying to watch that tv show play a game or even go to sleep. You will be able to relax without that fear of having to start that job that you have been putting off for days or even longer. Laziness is a state of mind, and if you are not careful it can become a part of your identity. However if you follow the steps I have outlined you can start to take back control of your life so that you don’t feel lazy, unmotivated and disempowered. It starts with taking away the choice to be lazy by doing everything, no matter how small right now Therapy in ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/5plQqX8WWho 2017-11-06T09:00:58.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/feel-scared 2017-10-30T09:00:30.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vL8mwCR3WMc/hqdefault.jpg Why do I feel scared? Fear is your response to danger. You feel scared, or feel that something dangerous is going to happen; your brain and your body are trying to get you out of that situation as there is a felt risk to your life. Know the root cause. With that knowledge step 2 is to find the root cause of your particular fear. Everyone is scared of different things, for some people it’s spiders, or talking to strangers and for some others, it’s baked beans. Seemingly, they’re different situations or things but they all have a common theme, which is that in the past, you were either shocked or scared by it or told that it is dangerous. The key part of both step one and two is that this all stems from your past. On the one hand, fear has done a good job of making you feel safe and secure. On the other, it has stopped you from trying new things. Keeping you bound in apprehension, anxiety, and frustration throughout your life. Next, you need to begin change This is the hardest part but the most important. Stop procrastinating. That’s with everything. I call it a sock moment. When you see a sock on the floor, you can’t say you will do it later. What you need to do it right now! You are probably thinking it’s just a sock, what difference will that make? Well, it’s not about the sock, it’s about doing what you know you should do so that this way of behaving becomes a habit. There are no excuses! You cannot back out! In the same way, when you are in that coffee shop and you see a person you want to talk to and would usually feel too scared to, you have to go and talk to them. This then leads nicely into the next step. Start taking risks. When I say risks, there’s not need to do anything dangerous, but anything you’re too scared to do or can’t be bothered to do, you do it. Talk to people, ask that person out, have a closer look at that spider, eat some baked beans. There are some things that will be harder than others, but start small. You will feel scared and mess up, but this is where step... https://www.youtube.com/embed/vL8mwCR3WMc 2017-10-30T09:00:30.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-hating-yourself 2017-10-16T09:00:12.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/sxj0dSkfazo/hqdefault.jpg How to stop hating yourself Do you ever feel that tinge of hatred to yourself about something you say or do? Hating yourself is not only detrimental to your happiness but can also hurt your chances of getting to live the life you want for yourself. Is it easy to hate yourself and when I say that, I mean it’s easier to beat yourself up than to tell someone else that they have upset you or done something wrong. You can say that it’s your fault people treat you like that or life doesn’t go your way as no one is going to argue back, shout at you or generally cause any tension or friction. So, instead of blaming anyone else, you say it’s your fault, I am the problem. How do you stop hating yourself? The first step is to realise that you are not always the problem. Sometimes people can be at fault and sometimes life doesn’t deal you the best hand. You have to better your self-confidence that is what’s going to help you in the future. Next, start telling people when they step out of line. This is a hard step to master but it all stems from feeling confident. By expressing to others how you feel, it will relieve the tension and set new boundaries with others. The following step is, to be frank with yourself and think, what don’t I like about my life? It could be anything from your body shape to your job or your hobbies. And with that knowledge set about trying to change it. If we take body shape as an example, work out a plan to exercise more, cut calories or generally be healthier with what you eat. Finally, go out and do it. You can plan forever but set yourself a time to go and make these changes. Loop of self-blame You are stuck in a loop of self-blame and stagnation because it feels easier to do that than to make a change. By realising you are not the problem and you have the power to make drastic changes in your life it’s going to allow you to feel empowered, motivated and more like your true self. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/sxj0dSkfazo 2017-10-16T09:00:12.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/be-happy-being-different 2017-10-09T09:36:10.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Z_Q3UYar6O0/hqdefault.jpg How to be happy being different If you worry about being different, it can stop you from being your own person and being happy and self-assured. You just want to be the same as everyone else; same interests, the same point of view and enjoy the same things. This way of thinking has been carried from generation to generation, but is now, quite frankly, outdated. Generations ago we didn’t have the option to meet people. It was safer to follow everyone else, simply fit in, and not drift from your community. Today, however, we have far more opportunity to meet people that share the same point of view. Safety This way of thinking keeps you safe on one level but stifled in another. The great people of our time did and do not hold back from thinking differently, which is why they are successful and happy. They followed their own path, created something new and in return, were rewarded. Thinking differently can lead you to feel isolated and alone, as others close to you might not share your opinion or point of view. Does that mean you should stop and be like everyone else? Of course not – doing this means you will never live the life you want but the life that others expect you to lead. Accept Point of View Here are my 6 steps to help you start acknowledging and accepting your own unique thoughts: Grow in confidence and be happy with your own point of view Use uniqueness to your advantage Stop caring what other people think Find people that share your point of view Start taking risks And most importantly, start actioning your plans By actively doing the thing you want to do, you will be able to see you don’t need others around you agree will your point of view. In time you will be surrounded by people that share your point of view. Thinking differently isn’t easy but believing in yourself, taking a risk and trying something new it’s going to lead you to feel happier just being you. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/Z_Q3UYar6O0 2017-10-09T09:36:10.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/scared-change 2017-10-02T09:00:31.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/9U5pza1omAs/hqdefault.jpg Why Am I Scared Of Change? Change is a part of life and all have to deal with it at some point. Yet some of us are scared of change and run from it when faced with change. Why are you not able to accept change? And let’s start amending your relationship to change: First of all, you need to understand where this perspective came from. There can be many reasons, but they all stem from change being seen as a bad thing, no matter what the situation. Maybe, throughout your upbringing, you told that change is dangerous. Instead, stay still, stay safe and be happy with what you have. Next, understand if this perspective is helping or hindering you. I would argue that it is important to be safe, but there is a flipside where which not changing can lead you to feel stuck, stifled and frustrated. Lastly, start taking risks . When I say risks it doesn’t have to be anything dangerous. The risk can be as small as trying something new on a menu, or speaking to your barista whilst ordering a coffee. Risks have been labelled as scary but once you realise that nothing can happen from taking a small risk you will realise that change can lead to new, exciting possibilities. As safe and validating as not changing might feel, it’s not enough to stay still. By starting to reassess how you relate to and deal with change it will allow you to build fresh relationships with others, the world and yourself. Therapy in London   https://www.youtube.com/embed/9U5pza1omAs 2017-10-02T09:00:31.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/first-impression 2017-09-25T18:15:13.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/GdbIY20sCFI/hqdefault.jpg Good First Impression You have 10 seconds to make a first impression on someone which you cannot go back on. We are genetically programmed to make a first impression which either does or doesn’t instill trust in you. A lot of pressure right? No wonder you hate going out and meeting new people. You are always thinking about what to say and how to say it. First Impression If you can get this right, however, it means that wherever you go, whatever you do you will always be confident when meeting new people. If you can master how to make a good first impression then it’s going to take a huge weight off your shoulders. And how do you do this? Well, you need to be prepared. If you can prepare yourself; meaning looking a certain way and knowing what to say, you can walk into any new meeting situation with confidence. So let’s start to look at the ways you can prepare yourself: Look Great The first step is to feel confident in the way you look. Work out what is stopping you from feeling confident when making a first impression and change it. If that means learning to stand up a bit straighter, getting some new clothes, or losing weight, go and do it. Remember this isn’t just when you are going somewhere special this is every day, this is who you are. Just by standing up straighter and dressing smarter, it’s going to make you unconsciously feel more confident and believe in yourself. Look after others The next step is to allow others to start feeling comfortable with you, the way you do that is to master asking questions. Something I have already discussed is that many don’t know what to say or how to say it. If you feel scared to say something or don’t say anything at all, this can give a bad first impression. It might not be right and it’s definitely not fair but that’s life. The way you get past this is to have a couple of questions ready which you can ask everyone. If you know what you are going to ask this automatically takes some of the pressure off. And if you want to throw in a cheeky ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/GdbIY20sCFI 2017-09-25T18:15:13.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-feeling-jealous 2017-08-28T09:00:09.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/c9Sksou9u2Q/hqdefault.jpg Why do I feel jealous? Feeling jealous is a response to something that you want but don’t feel able to achieve. Underlying that feeling of jealousy is frustration and anger for not having what others do have. It is seen within our society as wrong to act on these emotions, so we are taught to run from ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ feelings. Stop feeling jealous Therefore instead of feeling angry and frustrated, you feel jealous. Jealousy creates a story in your mind to make you feel better, such as ‘I bet their parents are rich and that’s how they can afford that sports car’. Or, ‘I bet all they do is spend time in the gym and don?t have a life!’ Does this sound familiar? You do this to feel better and more in control, but it’s actually doing the opposite. It’s holding you back from going out and getting what you want. I would like to offer you an alternative. Rather than judging others to make yourself feel better, disregard those jealous feelings and instead, embrace the frustration, anger, and sadness. Control You may think jealousy is giving you an element of control when in actuality that person who has realised their dreams, doesn’t care or hasn’t even acknowledged what you think. They are too busy living out their dreams and working towards a better future for themselves. So stop trying to defuse the anger, tension, and disappointment with jealousy. Use these emotions to push you forward rather than hold you back from being the person you want to be. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/c9Sksou9u2Q 2017-08-28T09:00:09.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/self-belief 2017-08-21T12:00:38.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/shSPW6Ok3YA/hqdefault.jpg Self-Belief – Start Believing in Yourself Self-Belief To be rich, successful or even happy, you need self-belief. Self-belief gives the strength to want, try, get what you want and pick yourself up when things go wrong. Many go through life not believing in themselves. Why is that? There can be any number of reasons, such as being bullied at school or people telling you that you can’t do it. Remember, you have what it takes to get what you want and the first step is to start change. 1. Start Taking Risks Taking a risk is hard, especially if you have always been told to play it safe. However not taking risks can mean feeling stuck and never moving forward. If you are scared of failing, isn’t not trying the biggest failure of them all? 2. Learn From Failure Failure is demoralized within our society, yet the great innovators of our time failed thousands of times in order to create or build their successes. When Thomas Edison was asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times to create the light bulb, he responded: ‘I have not failed 10,000 times, I have just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.’ Use failure to learn rather than allowing it to stop you in your tracks. 3. Surround Yourself With Positivity Keep people around that drive you to achieve your dreams, rather than demoralize you and stop you from trying. 4. Be more selfish Do you know what you want, but want to make sure that everyone else is happy about it first? Stop right there – it’s your time now. Start doing the things you want to do. 5. Believe in Yourself It’s going to be tough and you may fail a few times, but remember to believe that you can do it. Know that you have what it takes, it may take a while but if you keep trying, learning and enjoying it, you will make it. 6. Start RIGHT NOW Any step in the right direction, however small, is going to help you along the way. Stop putting it off and go and take those next steps to a happier, more fulfilled future. Start believing in yourself, make changes in your life to get the things you want, and be the... https://www.youtube.com/embed/shSPW6Ok3YA 2017-08-21T12:00:38.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/loneliness 2017-08-13T16:23:19.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/V_uGA7r8yGU/hqdefault.jpg HOW TO STOP FEELING LONELY | STOP FEELING LONELY (4 STEPS) Feeling alone can be awful. You can be surrounded by people but you can still feel like no one understands you or that you can’t be yourself. Loneliness is just like feeling any number of negative emotions such as sadness anger or frustration. It is a feeling telling you that something needs to change in your life. Read more : Break free from loneliness Sometimes that feeling of loneliness can be so powerful that you find it impossible to think or feel anything else. You might feel stuck in a perpetual loop of sadness or self-hatred. What is loneliness telling you? Breaking free from that uncomfortable feeling is how you start to unshackle yourself from the loneliness. Begin to make that change and remember that these feelings are trying to tell you there is something wrong. So how can you start to change? Why should I change? At this point, you are probably thinking ‘why should I change?’ ‘I don’t want to’ ‘Other people find it easy!’ ‘Why can’t people just see me?’ I understand that it might feel unfair, but there are two important points I want to make: Realise that you only ever see others when they are having fun, you never see them when they feel sad and lonely, so you don’t have any idea about how they feel when others aren’t around. Stop comparing yourself to others and start concentrating on yourself. You are the only one that can make yourself feel better. It is not up to anyone else if you can’t help yourself. Make a start 1: Stop feeling validated by being lonely, it is telling you that something is wrong. Use it to push you forward rather than hold you back. 2: Start conversations with others. People will warm to you if you ask them about their day or what they are up to. Remember, people love talking about themselves so ask questions! 3: Try new things. It’s all about finding something that you will enjoy and that will allow you to meet new people. For example, a dance class or a sport. This allows common ground with new people, something to talk ab... https://www.youtube.com/embed/V_uGA7r8yGU 2017-08-13T16:23:19.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-saying-sorry 2017-08-07T12:05:43.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dhnVte1JNi8/hqdefault.jpg WHY DO I SAY SORRY? STOP APOLOGIZING You have been taught to say sorry when you do something wrong, yet so many say sorry even when you have done nothing wrong. You may not realise that saying sorry when you have done nothing wrong makes you look weak and has a negative impact on your personal and professional life. After time, you can start saying sorry for anything that makes you different and special from anyone else. Read more : STOP saying sorry : STOP saying sorry Why do you feel the need to apologise? When there is a difference of opinion there is an element of tension elicited, to break that tension you say sorry. Sorry intends to make everything better, but it has an effect on how others see you and how you see yourself. Others see you as weak or you see yourself as beneath them. Their opinion or point of view is not correct and you are wrong for thinking or feeling the way you do. Why is it up to you to say sorry?   Are you not allowed to have your own opinion? It’s not your fault that someone else walked into you, yet you feel the need to apologise to the other person because they have walked into you. What about your happiness? Why aren’t people apologising to you for having a different opinion or upsetting you? It is because saying sorry has become a part of your identity. People are so used to putting themselves before you that they think that their wants, their needs and their happiness is more important than yours. Having thought about this, how do you feel? So to begin to change that: The first step is to eradicate ‘sorry’ from your vocabulary. It’s a big step but this will help you to come up with new ways to relate to people in the long run. Saying sorry is an automatic response to that feeling mentioned in Step 1. Step 2 is to think about what you could say instead of sorry. For example, you might say: ‘We have a different opinion on the subject’ ‘Is everything Ok?’  ‘You seem angry.’ ‘Why don’t we agree to disagree?’ Learn to recognise the tension. In the instance when you would... https://www.youtube.com/embed/dhnVte1JNi8 2017-08-07T12:05:43.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/i-feel-frustrated 2017-07-31T09:00:04.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ljwrvRD61-A/hqdefault.jpg I feel frustrated: How do I deal with it? Feeling frustrated can make you feel limited and trapped, and that feeling stops you from seeing a way out. The reason you feel this way is because you have never been taught to understand the message of your more negative emotions. You are told not to feel sad and to take your mind away from the frustration, to do something fun and just be happy! It’s understandable that people will try to help. No one wants to see you sad and they want to relieve the stress from you. By ignoring your emotions, it has a negative impact on your life. Instead of staying with the frustrated feeling, you run from it. So the message of your frustration never gets dealt with, instead fill your time doing something else to try and stop you feeling frustrated. However that frustrated feeling, if not dealt with, will come up again and again until you fix what’s wrong. Taught to run from frustration T he way you have been taught to deal with frustrationis to run from it and distance yourself from them. This, in turn, limits you, you rather than using these feelings to enhance your way of life. By ignoring the frustration nothing gets sorted and the frustration grows which is why this will ultimately lead you to feel angry sad and depressed. How do you start to feel better? Understand and dissipate the feelings of frustration. Stay with the frustration. Learn that feeling frustrated may hurt emotionally for a moment but staying with it and learning from it will lead to growth. Listen to the message such as ‘I hate my job’ or ‘I hate feeling this way.’ Start to recognise how you can change your life. You will still feel frustrated at this point and dejected that you have to change something, but start small. What small change can you make right now to help you along the way? Keep going. It might seem like a long road but it all starts with that small step. If you aim for one small step a day towards a happier life, the frustration will start to decrease and before you know it, rather than d... https://www.youtube.com/embed/ljwrvRD61-A 2017-07-31T09:00:04.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/feeling-sorry 2017-07-24T09:00:39.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/D5wOuG-SZXw/hqdefault.jpg Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself Do you ever feel sorry for yourself? You feel nothing is going your way, it always happens to you, you are the unluckiest person in the world. So let’s get down to it why it is that you feel sorry for yourself. The Reasons Why There are many reasons why, but here are the 3 that are going to help you change: You have unrealistic expectations of yourself and the world. That only bad stuff happens to you and it’s easy for everyone else. You find it easier to focus on the negative things that happen to you rather than a mix of both the good and the bad. You bottle up your emotions when things don’t go your way so instead of using the frustration, the anger, the sadness to help you; They stop you from trying anything new. If these ways of life are left unchecked, you will always look for the bad and never the good. Ask yourself, is this the way that successful and happy people act? Always feeling sorry for themselves? You know the answer is no and you know that you want to change otherwise you wouldn’t be here. This way of life has been established from your past and you are in a perpetual loop of feeling sorry for yourself, sad, depressed, upset, and that nothing will ever go right. So it is not your fault. This, in turn, is stopping you from trying anything new and from being the attractive, confident, person you want to be. Let’s break that Cycle. Focus on the effort rather than the achievement. Things aren’t always going to go your way but if you focus on the work you put in rather than the end result, good or bad, you will enjoy trying, even if you fail or they don’t go your way. Enjoy learning from your mistakes. Enjoy the learning process and you will eventually find what works. Focus on enjoying the task, not just the end result. Use the disappointment to push forward. Feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t change anything, it keeps you locked into feeling like a victim Rather than carrying that emotion, use it to motivate you to try again. Tell others how you fee... https://www.youtube.com/embed/D5wOuG-SZXw 2017-07-24T09:00:39.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-comparing 2017-07-10T09:01:57.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/VgbuLl_09is/hqdefault.jpg STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS Do you find that you compare yourself to others? Wishing you were more successful, richer or fitter, and stopping you from being truly happy. Comparing yourself to others is something that we have all been genetically programmed to do in order to feel safe, secure and happier in general. Yet the downside of this is that you can feel powerless and trapped, from not being good looking enough, rich enough or fit enough and with no plan to reach your dreams to be happy. This, in turn, has stopped you from trying anything new and keeping you locked into feeling this way. So now you know why you do it, but how can you stop? This is a tricky question as on the one hand you want to stop comparing yourself to others, but on the other hand, you want to have the things that they have. I want to offer a new perspective; It isn’t about comparing yourself to others and, going after things that others have, but rather, discovering and going after the things that you want. Of course, there will be some crossover, maybe you want a sports car or to be rich. However, you have not seen the work that they have put in to get to that position; the struggle, the ups, the downs and their overall journey to get to where they are now. You are just comparing yourself to their end result, which creates unrealistic expectations of what you should be doing and who you should be. You taking a snapshot of their life rather than their whole journey. This is compounded by our social media feeds where we only get to see the best of people’s lives; the one good selfie out of 100. Snapshots Rather than focusing on these snapshots and feeling angry, hurt and resentful that they have it and you don’t, ask yourself, what do you want and how to go and get it. It’s going to take time and work but you have it in you to reach your dreams, which starts with you, stopping comparing yourself to others and going out and working towards what you want. Make this the start of the journey to go and get the things t... https://www.youtube.com/embed/VgbuLl_09is 2017-07-10T09:01:57.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/self_discipline 2017-07-03T09:00:57.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/SToAfmD7Xx0/hqdefault.jpg Be Self-Disciplined Self-discipline is something that isn’t easy to hold onto. You tell yourself that you’ll do it later because you would rather be having fun right now; only to either forget to do it, rush doing it or not do it at all. Why is it so hard just to do it there and then? Instant Gratification The main reason is short term gain vs long term reward. Society has been taught you to look for short term gain; eating a chocolate bar instead of going to the gym or watching TV instead of doing work. You put off the important things until later. This means the important stuff never gets done as you’re focusing on what you want to do right now to make you happy. To be self-disciplined you need to start doing the things you should be doing now, or should have already done and the things that will yield long term reward in the future. Add to that the fear of failure and it’s not surprising that so many people give up at the first hurdle and go back to being undisciplined That’s all great but how do you start to become more disciplined and start getting the things that you want? 1: Do the small things, 2: Pick one goal at a time so that you do not feel overwhelmed, 3: Plan your time, 4: Focus on the long-term gain 5: Failure is your friend. Learn to take failure in your stride to know what does and doesn’t work.  6: Most importantly, make discipline a part of your life and identity. Be prepared, focus on the long goal and start to do the things which are a little bit harder but will mean happiness in the long term. Do the things you know you should do, RIGHT NOW not after that next episode or level in that game, RIGHT NOW. Your journey starts here and ends with you getting what you want. Go out and do it. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/SToAfmD7Xx0 2017-07-03T09:00:57.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/be-selfish 2017-06-26T09:00:27.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/y68Sm9r8dt0/hqdefault.jpg Be selfish and put yourself first! We’ve been taught that selfish is a bad word. You have been told that you should put others needs before your own. You’re never thinking about what you want first. Is that right? Is that how life should be? How often do you put others first? Sometimes, all the time, or every time? Why is it so one-sided, w hy is it your responsibility, w hy is it always up to you? Are the rules different for you? This can lead to destructive behaviour in order to reclaim the power and control in your life, such as procrastinating. Where is your voice Your voice needs to be heard and it is not rude or arrogant to think that. Below are the steps to begin change so that you can do the things you want rather than feeling you always need to put others first. First, know that your needs are as important as everyone else’s. Know what you want. This might seem strange, you have looked after everyone else for so long that your wants might not come to you straight away. It’s not selfish to say no Grow your confidence, practice with smaller things first but start telling people what you want to do in situations that don’t fill you with as much fear. Stop saying yes. Saying yes can become a habit, it’s easy to say yes to cut through the tension and stop a disagreement in its tracks. But by saying yes all the time it is not giving you the space to think about what you want meaning that your needs are never met. So if you can’t say yes you have to talk to others. Have a conversation with people. Even if you want to do the thing they suggest, rather than say yes, instead say that it sounds like a good idea, let’s do it. It will give you the time to assess what you actually want to do. It’s all about talking and allowing others to see your point of view. People may be shocked that your behaviour is starting to change; to hear that you disagree and are not saying yes but that’s OK. Your true friends will be supportive and stick around regardless. Have a Conversation It’s not about being selfish b... https://www.youtube.com/embed/y68Sm9r8dt0 2017-06-26T09:00:27.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/use-your-feelings 2017-06-19T09:00:49.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/QWw7dE0GgcM/hqdefault.jpg How to sit with your feelings This week I would like to discuss negative feelings and emotion. When people find out I am a therapist I am asked ‘How do I get rid of these bad feelings?’ or ‘How do I distance myself from being upset, sad and anxious all the time?’ I wish I had a quick fix; I wish I had a pill that I could just give to you and say ‘there you go, have this and you will be happy’. Instead, you need to understand what your emotions are trying to tell you whether they be good and bad. Connect to your feelings To make it a bit easier, think about how you connect to those good feelings. For example when you are happy something has happened in your life to make you feel that way. You may find some money on the floor or you have gotten some good news. In the same respect, sadness, depression and anxiety come along when something negative has happened to make you feel this way. They are trying to tell you that something bad has happened, something’s not right and needs to change. Use them for good These feelings are trying to help you transition through life so that you can feel safe and work towards happiness. It is not realistic to be happy all the time otherwise you would never change, you would never have new ideas or progress in life. So then, in a respect, these are a good thing as they drive you towards change and self-development. With this being said, it is so important to listen to both your perceived positive and negative feelings. This will allow you to know what’s right and wrong in your life. They will help you move forward in your life rather than remaining stuck in a situation that does not make you happy. Listen Remember to listen to your feelings. Rather than try and run away from them, find out what it is that t hey are trying to tell you; From your heart into your mind. Philip Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/QWw7dE0GgcM 2017-06-19T09:00:49.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/take-risks 2017-06-12T09:00:19.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bK0rfrdZ3q8/hqdefault.jpg Start Taking Risks How often do you take risks in life? When I say risk I don’t mean doing something dangerous but rather, simply trying something new. Anything from trying a new flavour of ice cream to applying for a new job. Society teaches you to stay safe and be comfortable with what you know. Doing something different would mean taking a risk that might not work out, making you feel sad and dejected. Yet by not taking a risk you stay in the same position and never move forward in your life. Now don’t get me wrong, taking a risk it doesn’t mean you have to give up on everything and start again. It’s great to have parts of your life which you enjoy and provide a foundation to feeling safe and allowing you to grow, but when there are parts of your life that no longer make you happy it’s time to take a risk. Try something new and change parts of your life so that you can be genuinely happy. Why taking a risk is so hard The reason that you find it so hard to change, or why you haven’t taken that risk is because a part of you doesn’t want to change. That part just wants to be comfortable and safe which it relates to as being happy. But, if you feel stuck and want something new, how happy are you really? These two sides, one that wants change and one that doesn’t, are always fighting, always trying to get you to pick their point of view., almost like the angel and devil in Tom and Jerry. How to start to take risks It is usually the safe side that wins, as it is the side you have always been told to act on and trust. So in order to start changing this, you need to start taking small risks to strengthen the side which manages the tension and start to trust that point of view. Change a part of your life which has no direct consequences; like trying a new flavour of ice cream. The more you try and take risks, the easier it will become and soon you will be looking to take larger risks and giving you a fresh perspective and new outlook on life. What Would You Change? What I want to leave y... https://www.youtube.com/embed/bK0rfrdZ3q8 2017-06-12T09:00:19.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/succeed 2017-06-05T08:55:08.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/egqEcqK2MI0/hqdefault.jpg How to cope with failure and succeed in life Our failures can be used to help us succeed in life. Within society and life in general failure is seen as a weakness or as a negative mark on your character. You have been taught to run from failure all of your life. However, if you can start to see failure in a different way it will lead you a new way of life. A life that is not filled with dread and regret, but one filled with excitement about trying new things and will ultimately lead to success. A life without emotional boundaries to try new things. How do you feel about trying and failing? I bet not too good. When you fail you tell yourself that you can’t do it, you are not good enough. Failure upsets you and that keeps you in the status quo, not wanting to try again or move forward in case you fail again and feel that same tinge of negative emotion. This all stems from friends, family and society focusing on people succeeding, but you never see the work that they have put in to run the fastest, jump the highest and succeed in life. I want to share with you a quote from Thomas Edison who is the inventor of the light bulb. When asked how it felt to fail over and over again he remarked: ‘I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.’ He did not see failure as a bad thing but as the process towards success. In order to succeed you have got to try over and over again as the chances of you succeeding the first time are unrealistic. Yet that first failure you hold onto and you see it as becoming who you are. To be blunt with you, to succeed in anything takes a long time, a lot of practice, planning and a lot of failures. It does not happen overnight but when you have created something or reached your goals, you will realise how failure is not a bad thing at all but in fact, a tool that has helped you succeed. As Edison would say ‘…find the way that works.’ Therefore the key to success is to reshape the way you view your failure. It is not something to avoid but something to look for and to be ex... https://www.youtube.com/embed/egqEcqK2MI0 2017-06-05T08:55:08.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/change-your-life 2017-05-29T09:00:06.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hkdnzWmFksc/hqdefault.jpg How to change your life Want to change your life? You’re not alone, many of us do. So you wake up how do you feel? You go to work, meet up with friends but still feel rubbish. There is something you are not happy with and the only thing you can think of that there is something wrong with yourself. This could be your weight, your appearance or just to be happier in general. What I want to do this week is to help you to feel happier about being you. The only way that we can start to feel happier is to know that you are not the problem, and rather, you can be happier by changing parts of your life that you are not happy about. So first, what do you think is wrong? List all the parts of your life that you are not happy about. There can be any reason for why you feel that you are not good enough. So pick one. Next is to find out who you want to be. In an ideal world, what would you be doing? Who would you be? To help you along the way ask yourself, where would you be living? What job would you have? What would you look like? This is an important step as without knowing what you want you can’t start the journey to feeling happier with yourself. Take a look at the differences between who you are now and who you want to be. They must look very different but that’s not a bad thing. If those lists looked the same and you were still unhappy, then you would have to reassess your happiness. ?But as you know what you want we can work on ways to get there. A word of warning, change is going to be hard, it’s going to take time and effort, but if you couldn’t do it, you wouldn’t have made it this far as to acknowledge that something has to change. How do you start to change? Step ONE -Choose one thing that you want to change. The reason why so many people don’t stick to their plans and never get to where they want to get to is that they take on too much. So start slowly and perfect one thing at a time. Step TWO -Make a plan of what and how you are going to change. For example, if someone wanted to lose ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/hkdnzWmFksc 2017-05-29T09:00:06.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/let-go-past 2017-05-20T15:31:20.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3JQojLB-IGc/hqdefault.jpg How To Let Go Of The Past How often do you think about the past? The good times but also the bad and The mistakes you made. This end up clouding your judgement and stopping you from being truly happy right now. This week’s blog is going to explain why you find it hard to let go of the past and stop it impacting on your life. We all have a past, it is who you are. Your upbringing, where you have lived, the people you knew. All of this is an important part of your development and dictates how we think, act and feel. It has a lot to answer to, both in a good way and a bad way. The Good Firstly, the good. Your past experiences have made up your identity and allow you to know what makes you happy and sad. It has helped anchor you in the world so that you don’t make the same mistakes again and helping to keep you safe and not feel lost all of the time. The Bad However, as much as the past can help there is also the risk of it becoming a pivotal part of your life, so much so that you can feel that you can’t escape its grasp. Hindsight is both a gift and a curse. You feel that by reliving that experience in your mind, it will give you some control and closure. When actually it is doing the opposite, making you relive feelings of shame, guilt and anxiety again and again. Never allowing yourself to accept it or come to terms with that memory. You can get so caught up in feelings from past mistakes that these memories stop you trying new things and being the person that you want to be. How do you start to relinquish the impact of the past? It’s not necessarily about letting go of the past completely It’s about connecting to the past in a different way. Allowing it to help you be excited about the change and develop yourself rather than it holding you back and making you feel trapped. Start changing from now. Firstly, think about a memory that comes up again and again, what happened or what did you do? Secondly, rather than dwelling on the memory think to yourself what can you learn from that experie... https://www.youtube.com/embed/3JQojLB-IGc 2017-05-20T15:31:20.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-living-fear 2017-05-17T09:00:31.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/E3Z4DD9rWyI/hqdefault.jpg Stop living in fear How often do you feel fear? And it is holding you back from doing what you want. I want to show you how you can start to limit the impact of fear, tension and anxiety in your life. Firstly, pick a situation that makes you feel scared or anxious; something that is unique to you and that you want to sort out. Worst Case Scenario Now you need to understand what that fear is. Think to yourself what is it about that situation that makes you scared?. Let’s take public speaking as an example. You are in a hall with thousands of people and you have to give a speech. What could happen? You could make a mistake, forget your lines. How would you feel? What would happen? People start laughing at you. But then what? Now think about your scenario, what is your greatest fear and anxiety attached to that situation. Best case Scenario Now you have done that you are starting to change that emotion, fear and anxiety into thought. This allows you to imagine the situation and see the emotions as a part of you but not fully you. In the same way, you imagined the worst-case scenario, you can use your imagination to imagine the best case example. Thinking back to the speech example, you could give the speech, remember your lines, answer some questions and you were given resounding applause and congratulated for your good work. Think again back to your own scenario. If all that bad stuff didn’t happen how good could it go? The origins of your fear Next is to understand the first time you felt that feeling of anxiety and fear. All feelings, including fear, originate from the past. Emotions create an emotional blueprint of how to think act and feel. In order to start to control how you feel in certain situations, you need to find the root cause.. With this knowledge, you can start to see why we feel the way we do and update that blueprint so that you don’t automatically feel and think the way we do. So try and think of your first memory of you feeling this way about the situation you are s... https://www.youtube.com/embed/E3Z4DD9rWyI 2017-05-17T09:00:31.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/i-feel-stuck 2017-05-13T10:00:05.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7FpGZ7zYdqw/hqdefault.jpg Why do I feel stuck? Steps to help you to move on How often do you feel stuck in your life? You feel you are doing the same things every day, not moving forward. Maybe you are at the same job you have been at for years and bored with doing the same task every day, seeing the same people and not feeling fulfilled, respected or challenged with the job at hand. You want new experiences, to see new things, meet new people and be happy but something is holding you back. Feeling stuck This is something that many people need help with. I am told that they feel stuck or bored with their job, their hobbies or friends and that they want a change. First of all, let’s address why you find it hard to change. Fear plays a big part. It’s so easy and comfortable to do what you have always done, the same job, hang out with the same friends or remain in the same relationship. To break away from that monotony would mean a drastic change; a whole new way of relating to others and yourself. Even thinking it right now probably makes you feel daunted and scared. Maybe you are asking yourself, ‘Am I up to the task? Can I do it?’ A part of you likes being bored as it is safe, you know how to do the task, it’s not taxing and it’s easy. You know how people will react and that monotony is comfortable. It’s just like a habit that you want to break. You don’t want to do it anymore but the thought of not having it in your life seems scary. You not changing is a safety behaviour. This behaviour is relieving you from feeling tense and out of control in a new situation. The consequence of that safety, however, is a feeling of boredom, angst and feeling stifled. So how do you start to break free from that safety behaviour? Step one is to know what you want. This might sound silly and like you know what you want already, but sit and think about it – do you really? You might want to be rich, you might want to travel more, you might want to meet someone. Let’s take being rich as an example. How are you going to get rich? What job would you have? And... https://www.youtube.com/embed/7FpGZ7zYdqw 2017-05-13T10:00:05.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/understand-feelings 2017-05-10T09:00:11.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/_JDp0YEI9UM/hqdefault.jpg Understand Your Feelings How often do you feel like there is something wrong but are not sure what? Do you need something to quell that emotional tension and to know what the next steps are to being happy? Over the last couple of weeks, I have been discussing how to get your thoughts and feelings on the same page so that you know what you want and will be happy when you get it. Last week focused on the point of view of someone that thinks before they feel. This week I want to discuss it from a different point of view; someone that feels and connects that feeling to a thought. Your feelings are there to tell you about how you connect to any given situation. That is why when you are at work you feel bored, or on a rollercoaster you feel excited and scared, or with a partner you feel love and affection. Therefore when you are doing something that makes you feel happy you keep doing it. Again similarly, when something happens that makes you feel sad you stop doing it or work out a way to get away from it. Society tells you to only listen to the happy feelings and bury feelings of sadness, anxiety and anger deep inside you. So when you feel something that isn’t happiness, you feel confused as to what this feeling is, or means. That confusion brings about frustration and again you bury that frustration deep down, hoping it disappears and happiness resumes in your life. A part of you probably thinks you have always lived with running from these ‘bad’ feelings, so why address them? My answer is that if you never deal with these feelings, they will continue to pop up at the most inconvenient time and stop you from enjoying not only the good times but your life in general. It is imperative that you can work out what your feelings mean to you so you can understand what they are trying to tell you and act on that message. How to understand your feelings How do you begin to understand what your feelings are trying to tell you? Feelings don’t have thoughts attached to them. They are a felt sense that ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/_JDp0YEI9UM 2017-05-10T09:00:11.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/get-over-an-ex 2017-05-06T11:00:58.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/AP6_04Sa7rU/hqdefault.jpg Do you still miss your ex partner? “I still miss my ex partner” is something lots of us wish we didn’t feel but, occasionally we do. I received a question asking how to stop loving someone that is not able to love you back. Trying to get over another is something that everyone has to do at one point or another. You have feelings for someone that they do not share, whether you have been in, or want to be in a relationship with them. Your emotional heart strings are there desperately trying to get them to love you back. Stuck in your imagination When in this position you are stuck in your imagination. You fantasise about winning them over, how you could or should be different and what you can do to be the person they want you to be. This is your mind dictated by your emotions and trying to come to a resolution. To alleviate the feeling surrounded by abandonment, sadness but also frustration, you feel you need them and can’t be happy without them. You and your ex partner: Power dynamics Something to notice is the fact they have all the power. You only think about their needs, as your only need is for them to be in your life. Think about a relationship where you have to put someone else first all the time. You can’t do anything that may risk losing that person. A relationship is given and take, to put someone else first all the time is not a relationship in which you will both be happy. So how do you start to alleviate those feelings? You are imagining what you can do to be with them, thinking about all the good times you will share. Nothing bad would ever happen if you were with them, you would be complete and happy. Or, alternatively, what it was like before the relationship ended, remembering only the good times and never the bad. When really it won’t be perfect, it won’t be everything you would expect, as someone only being there physically is not enough. They have to be there emotionally too, if they are not ready to commit to you now how emotionally available would they be in a relationship? Sta... https://www.youtube.com/embed/AP6_04Sa7rU 2017-05-06T11:00:58.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/emotions-to-thoughts 2017-05-03T09:00:47.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Da1Zrhw9JCw/hqdefault.jpg How To Connect to your EMOTIONS to your THOUGHTS Hello and welcome back to the Therapy in London Blog . Today I’ll be helping you connect your emotions to your thoughts. Last week I introduced the notion of there being a difference between being a thinker or a feeler. Read more : How to connect your emotions to your thoughts This week I want to show the thinkers, that is the people who first connect to their thoughts and think through the emotions and never feel anything at all. This will allow you to marry up your thoughts and feelings so that you can be truly happy with the choices you make and the results of your hard work. What do you think about feeling? Now you might think well I don’t feel anything, I just think that something is wrong and act on that thought. The emotions are there but I tend to just think my way out of the feeling. To live with the emotion seems scary. You have more perceived control over the thought rather than an emotion that seems uncontrollable, how do you stop feeling something, how do you control an emotion. So instead you try and think your way out of the m. Thinking instead that you should buck your ideas up and stop feeling that way. Thinking that others are worse than yourself and you should feel guilty for feeling that way. So stop and carry on with what you are doing. Feel happy nd stop feeling sorry for yourself However, how would it be to not run from that emotion and to live with scary right? But by feeling that emotion you can work out what it is trying to tell you and use it to aid your life. Helping you to overcome obstacles. So how do we start to connect to your emotions? You have to learn to see the emotion I tell my clients to get a pen and paper and write or draw out that emotion. Use colour, texture. Anything that you see that can help you to see and understand how you relate and connect to that emotion. This allows you to create emotional space and to Transitioning it from the emotional stage to a cognitive one. By doing this you can start to listen to and act o... https://www.youtube.com/embed/Da1Zrhw9JCw 2017-05-03T09:00:47.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/think-or-feel 2017-04-29T12:00:19.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/yKXeuXWy7a8/hqdefault.jpg Thinking vs feeling? Today, i’m talking about thinking vs feeling, head vs heart. How often do you feel out of sorts? Like you should be happy yet feel anything but happy. Maybe you have been working towards a goal, thinking when you reach the endpoint then you’ll feel content and safe. Yet you hit your target, achieve your goal and still feel upset, stressed and depressed or even all of the above. The reason is that your thoughts and feelings don’t match up. This week I am going to help identify how you connect to the world to help you to get your thoughts and feelings on the same page. The effect of not matching up So let’s first discuss the effect of your thoughts and feelings not matching up. For example, finishing a project. You thought that once you had finished it you would be happy, yet you hand in the work, the deadline passes and you still don’t feel the way you thought you would, and you’re left frustrated. Imagine that if when you finish every project and every activity you don’t feel happy, but instead disheartened. This is the impact of your thoughts and feelings not matching up. This is one of the main reasons why many people don’t bother trying new things or finishing projects. They never get the emotional payoff expected, so tell themselves ‘What’s the point in trying?’ By matching up your thoughts and feelings it will allow you to know yourself in more detail and get the emotional payoff. Knowing that whatever you try will lead to you feeling satisfied and content and proud that you tried something new. So let’s first see which you connect to: I find that people either think or feel. So the first step is to find out which one you connect to. An example that might help is to think about a time you were happy. Did you think you were happy, or feel something and associate that feeling with happiness? Usually, there is so much going on that many are on autopilot. You don’t have time to think about what you are thinking about or how you are feeling, it just happens. Esse... https://www.youtube.com/embed/yKXeuXWy7a8 2017-04-29T12:00:19.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/negative-thoughts 2017-04-22T11:00:51.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/9KtMYSnk9Xc/hqdefault.jpg STOP Negative Thoughts .Hello and welcome to the Therapy in London Blog How often do you find yourself thinking negatively? These thoughts may have nothing to do with what you are doing at the moment but like a flash, they come into your head. These can be thoughts such as not trusting your partner, worries of losing a job or everyone’s judgments of you. You may live in fear of these thoughts as they come up exactly when you don?t want them to. You just want to live a happy and carefree life. Why do these intrusive negative thoughts come up? Where do negative thoughts come from? In order to stop negative thoughts from impacting your life, first gather an understanding of where these negative thoughts come from. Your life has been littered with ups and downs. People both fulfilling their promises or life not going your way and letting you down. All these disappointments have stored in your mind and your mind is warning you of similar situations that may come up. Therefore you feel that you cannot trust anyone or not say anything in case you say the wrong thing and people laugh at you. Essentially trying to preempt something going wrong in case you get emotionally hurt again. This is why you, seemingly without reason, get worried that your partner is going to cheat on you even though they have never done anything to suggest they would. Overdrive The difficulty comes when your mind goes into overdrive and sees everything as a threat to your happiness and emotional safety. If there is nothing to focus on it will bring up parts of your life that are important to you and create doubt in your mind that they/it are safe. The subject of the negative thoughts is not the main focus but rather the emotion attached to those negative thoughts. For example, you forgetting your keys. Logistically it’s not ideal as you will have to wait for someone to come home to let you in. But the emotion attached to forgetting them is a shame. Feeling lost and the perceived threat of others looking down on you and ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/9KtMYSnk9Xc 2017-04-22T11:00:51.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/future-plan 2017-04-19T09:00:37.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/VqLk299-NXg/hqdefault.jpg How to plan for your future Today I want to help you plan your future. My last few blog posts have aimed to help encourage change and the way you relate to issues in your life. Now, you should know what your issues are, understand their origins and assess their validity, changing the way you see them and their impact on you. So what’s next? Following these steps should mean you have now relinquished some of the emotional pressure whilst planning for your future The next step is to make a plan of how you are going to achieve whatever you have felt unable or too scared to try before. The best way to do this is to make a list of the steps for where you need to get to. Write at the top of a piece of paper what you want. Then go to the bottom of that page and write the first step to set you on the path to reaching that goal. An example of an end goal would be getting your dream job. Which Job? Know the job title and gain knowledge of what the job entails. Find companies with a vacancy within this role and read the job spec, find parts of the role you will enjoy as well as parts of the job you want. Qualifications What qualifications do you need? Maybe you need to get some GCSEs, go to university or just do a course Experience What experience do the recruiters want from you in order to be seriously considered for the role? And what experience do you have that matches? Would you need to gain work experience? Draw up a list of companies that you could approach for this. Gaining this experience is the ideal way to get a feel for the role to find out if you truly want to do it. That’s great as it means that you don?t need to waste time thinking about doing something that would not bring you happiness in the long term. If this is the case by this point, crumple that piece of paper up and start again with a different achievement. Make a treasure map of your future These are small steps to get you along the way of getting that dream job, but you can use this method to achieve anything. The process of wo... https://www.youtube.com/embed/VqLk299-NXg 2017-04-19T09:00:37.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/diets-dont-work 2017-04-15T11:00:04.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-NSB0PKMzvs/hqdefault.jpg Why Diets Don’t Work How many times have you thought that you need to lose weight and looked to the latest diet trend to help you through? Whether it is Atkins, Paleo, or just eating fewer calories. You can’t forget that you have to include some type of exercise to keep that weight down. It has worked for others so why wouldn’t it work for you? You start cutting those calories and you start getting results but then something happens. Those pounds you lost start creeping back on and in 6 months time you are back to square one and looking for the next diet to help you lose weight. The Quick Fix Diets promise a quick fix to shedding pounds in a short space of time or with little to no effort. No wonder so many have tried them. Now, if a diet really worked wouldn’t everyone do it? Why would there need to be 2, 3 or 4 new diets every year? The diet trend is part of the $20 billion dollar weight loss industry. Do these diets work or are they just a money making gimmick? It is easy to blame the diet, yourself or food, but the real reason is that as a society you? re looking for something outside of yourself to fix your problem. A diet is seen as a quick fix, a small change that we can dip in and out of to lose weight. When in actuality, to lose weight and keep it off, you need to make a change in the way you relate to food. Putting on weight has taken you years so why would it take 8 weeks to lose half your body fat? And say you do lose some weight, how long can you sustain that diet for? Another 8 weeks? The rest of your life? How would you feel being on a diet for the rest of your life? ‘Not too good right?’ You love your food, you just want to lose the weight and look and feel a bit better. However if you could still eat what you want, lose weight and keep it off, how would that sound? What I am going to propose is nothing new, nothing radical, but it works. How to lose weight And the magic formula – evaluating and changing what you eat on a daily basis whilst incorporating exercise into... https://www.youtube.com/embed/-NSB0PKMzvs 2017-04-15T11:00:04.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/be-more-emotional 2017-04-12T09:00:30.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/YxsDs364o2w/hqdefault.jpg How To Be More Emotional The Benefit of Emotion Over the last couple of weeks, I have focused on ways to start to diminishing your issues. In order to solidify that emotional change, you now need to bring emotion back into your life. You can start to look at these topics, not as issues. Instead, as drivers to push you forward and to help motivate rather than stifle you. The first thing is to get your picture from Step 1 (with the emotion in) and the picture from Step 3 (without the emotion). Read more : How To Be More Emotional What are the differences between the two pictures? The first picture would be bigger, full of colour and detail which bring about feelings of being overwhelmed or in danger. A feeling that leads you to distance yourself from your issues rather than tackle it head on. The second picture (with distance from emotion) is usually smaller, with less vibrant colours and seen in a more factual way. Without your felt emotional connection to the issue, it is not as scary as you once thought, it is still affecting you, but not in the same way. By distancing yourself emotionally you can start to see the issue in a different way and start to deal with it without the emotion getting in the way. Solidify the change In order to solidify that change, you can start to put new emotional labels on your issues. Without the feelings of anxiety, fear and danger, what is left after that?Excitment, happiness and safety, Once you have stripped your initial emotional connection away and have seen those issues in a different light, you have more power to mould these emotional issues in a way that helps you rather than hinders your life. Go through the YouTube playlist bellow to help to reconnect. yourself to your emotions. All the best and I will see you next week Philip Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/YxsDs364o2w 2017-04-12T09:00:30.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/CA_5uH87NBI/hqdefault.jpg Know Yourself | Step 1 | Start HERE The Benefit of Emotion Over the last couple of weeks, I have focused on ways to start to diminishing your issues. In order to solidify that emotional change, you now need to bring emotion back into your life. You can start to look at these topics, not as issues. Instead, as drivers to push you forward and to help motivate rather than stifle you. The first thing is to get your picture from Step 1 (with the emotion in) and the picture from Step 3 (without the emotion). Read more : How To Be More Emotional What are the differences between the two pictures? The first picture would be bigger, full of colour and detail which bring about feelings of being overwhelmed or in danger. A feeling that leads you to distance yourself from your issues rather than tackle it head on. The second picture (with distance from emotion) is usually smaller, with less vibrant colours and seen in a more factual way. Without your felt emotional connection to the issue, it is not as scary as you once thought, it is still affecting you, but not in the same way. By distancing yourself emotionally you can start to see the issue in a different way and start to deal with it without the emotion getting in the way. Solidify the change In order to solidify that change, you can start to put new emotional labels on your issues. Without the feelings of anxiety, fear and danger, what is left after that?Excitment, happiness and safety, Once you have stripped your initial emotional connection away and have seen those issues in a different light, you have more power to mould these emotional issues in a way that helps you rather than hinders your life. Go through the YouTube playlist bellow to help to reconnect. yourself to your emotions. All the best and I will see you next week Philip Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/CA_5uH87NBI 2017-04-12T09:00:30.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/feel-guilty 2017-04-08T11:00:00.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/qKb9uG0aPuM/hqdefault.jpg Why Do I Feel Guilty? How often do you feel guilty for making a decision of just saying no to someone? You feel that it’s unfair to let someone down, no matter what they want from you. So you must do it, even if it means missing out on something or putting excess pressure on yourself. It can get so bad that no matter what choice you make you feel guilty about not doing something else. You are then left feeling not only guilty but sad, upset and stressed out.   What does Guilt Feel like? Guilt is something that comes up a lot for many but not others. you feel you ought to make or feel that others expect you to make. For some of us, the way we decide right from wrong can be a bit muddled up. Instead of taking each option as it comes you see that the right choice as the one that others want you to do. Leaving you feeling hard done by stressed and put out for doing what is expected of you but not what you really want.   Where did this guilty feeling come from? Well, it gets passed down from our parents, our family, friends, teachers, or anyone in a position of power when you are growing up. You have been told to be nice, do things for others and be a good person which on the one hand is great but on the other can lead to your needs being put so far down your list of things to do, that you don?t even consider them. If think about yourself you feel guilty for doing so because it makes you look selfish. This all leads you to feeling that everyone else?s needs are more important than yours. So much so that the only way you can gain enjoyment is to make sure others are happy before yourself. This perceived rule dictates how you think act and feel around others. ?In regards to feeling guilty, your relationships are dictated by how useful and compliant you are to others needs. Remember, it is not your fault it’s just the way you have been told to act. It has worked for so long and has helped you to make friends and keep relationships. I am sure that a part of you is scared and want to change, as... https://www.youtube.com/embed/qKb9uG0aPuM 2017-04-08T11:00:00.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/reform-your-issues 2017-04-05T09:00:44.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/CQsV07IVAmw/hqdefault.jpg Reform your issues Reform your issues Over the last couple of weeks I have been showing you how to uncover and to distance yourself from the issues you have been facing. Now, how to reform your issues. Once you have started to relinquish that emotional tinge you can start using your imagination or a more abstract and emotionally neutral way. You can learn to use the distance in order to change the way you relate to the problem and come up with a way to solve it. By distancing yourself from your emotions it will allow you to see that you are not defined by your thoughts feelings and issues. So now you are emotionally distant from that problem how does it feel to you now? Remember you have the emotional space to see it as an issue but not a part of your identity. Does the image seem as big, as colourful as dangerous? If it does you still may be emotionally connected to the issue so try again to create that emotional space and distance yourself from that issue emotionally. Take any issue and ask yourself, how would someone else handle that same issue? Someone who is more confident, better looking or richer? How would someone with those attributes sort this issue out? This is not a one-off exercise, you can do this for any issue that you are facing. By cutting that emotional connection to your issues you can relinquish the control that they have over your life. Remember you have more control than you think over your emotions. Learn to create emotional space away from them so that you can see what’s wrong and to sort your issues out, rather than continuously running from your issues, sustaining the impact that they have on your life. Therapy in London   https://www.youtube.com/embed/CQsV07IVAmw 2017-04-05T09:00:44.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-stop-overeating 2017-04-01T11:00:44.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/EFXmPMSKXmM/hqdefault.jpg How to stop overeating Do you overeat? Do you find yourself continuing to eat even when you are not hungry? Or feeling so full that you feel sick and tired? Many of us have, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Here, I take a look at some of the reasons we do it, and how you take steps to stop overeating . Why do we overeat? In this video, I take a look at just some of the reasons why you might overeat – to help you recognise the patterns of behaviour and start your journey to stop overeating. You enjoy eating Many of us enjoy eating. Food tastes good, so why would we want to waste it? You might find yourself finish your plate and go up for seconds, thirds and even fourths. Or you feel that you need to eat until you are painfully full, or there is no food left on the plate – some key signs of overeating. Evolution To further understand why you do this, it’s important to look at and gather an understanding of human evolution. Our ancestors would eat everything they had. They didn’t know how long it would be until they would have their next meal. People would eat until they could eat no more and use their fat stores up until they found their next meal – like many animals do. The human brain is still wired this way. We eat it all, just in case we need to go a while without food again. However, now we have supermarkets and fridges so there is an abundance of food whenever we want it. For many of us, there is little to no risk of not having a meal in a few hours let alone a few days. But, our brains still think there is. Upbringing The next reason you might find yourself overeating could be your upbringing. How often were you told to finish the food on your plate? or that people are starving in Africa? Many children are rewarded for eating all of thier food. Cast your mind to special occasions growing up – such as birthdays or doing well at school. For doing such a good job you get a treat, your favourite food (usually or sweets or chocolate). Drawing on these experiences, it’s no wonder many... https://www.youtube.com/embed/EFXmPMSKXmM 2017-04-01T11:00:44.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/emotional-safety 2017-03-29T09:00:16.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/WvxFZMkDUDw/hqdefault.jpg Emotional safety Emotional safety Establishing emotional safety is an important step in order to start reforming the way you relate to the world. When I say the world I mean the everyday situations you find yourself in. The first step is to create emotional safety. This is space away from your emotions so that when something comes up which would usually evoke feelings of fear, anxiety or depression, you don’t need to act on them. With space away from the instinctive emotion you can start evaluating and reforming the way you relate to those situations. Reforming issues It can be anything spiders, work, going to sleep – anything that causes you to feel anxiety or boredom from doing it. Once you establish the issue and the feeling associated with it, your mind will automatically try and run from it yet stick with it – what do you feel? One technique I use with clients is to draw it out. This allows you to express the emotions that you find hard to live with -seeing it as a part but not your entire identity. Good times Now you can see that image or emotion and are starting to get to grips with living with it, the next step is to control the impact it is having on your life. We do this by learning that we have control over our thoughts and emotions. Think of a good time, either a picture, an image, a feeling from the past or what you are working towards for the future. Do you feel warmth inside your heart? The memory is evoking a happy, good time in your life -just like the dangerous emotion has gone and in its place a happy, safe emotion is there instead. Can you see how easy it is to distance yourself from that dangerous emotional state? Control You have the power to control the way you feel at the moment. You don’t have to remain feeling that emotionally fragile state if you don’t want to. At the same time, however, you need to discover why you feel the way you do so that you can understand what your emotions are trying to show you. Maybe it’s a change in your life, starting a new ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/WvxFZMkDUDw 2017-03-29T09:00:16.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/overthinking 2017-03-25T10:00:42.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DTgDmgp7XO8/hqdefault.jpg Why do I overthink everything? Do you overthink? Why it is that you overthink and your thoughts come up over and over when you are trying to do other things. We finished on the fact that our thoughts are a gateway to connect to our emotions; Helping you to understand and solve issues in your life. However, for lasting results, you need to find out the root cause of why these thoughts keep on coming up. By doing this you can start to dispel the underlying emotions from your life so that they no longer impact you on a daily basis. Recap So a quick recap, the reason you have all these thoughts is because they are trying to help you to understand underlying emotions in your life. Last week, I gave you the tools to help you to start to control your thoughts and to quell the emotional tension. This control sets you up nicely to start to understand the emotion that lies underneath. If you do not understand those emotions they will continue to play a part in controlling your life and make you overthink situations instead of keeping those unwanted thoughts at bay. These undealt with emotions are keeping you emotionally stunted, Clasping at straws trying to fix something which you cannot out-think your way out of What I want to do now is to share with you my 4 steps to understand and address your hidden emotions so that you can stop thinking so much. 1) Link your thoughts to your emotions . Rather than trying to distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions. by watching a quick youtube video or looking and your social media feed try, staying with and listening to them. Understand what they are trying to tell you, maybe your emotions are trying to get you to go and do something new or to change something in your life so that you feel happier and more fulfilled. 2) Which feelings are you running from? Now you have listened to those emotions it’s now time to start understanding which emotions you are running from and why. Let’s take as an example, a work assignment you don’t want to do or have been put... https://www.youtube.com/embed/DTgDmgp7XO8 2017-03-25T10:00:42.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/4-quick-steps-stop-overthinking 2017-03-22T10:00:15.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MNq3rBYntks/hqdefault.jpg STOP OVERTHINKING RIGHT NOW! 4 EASY STEPS Do you find yourself overthinking too much? Do you try to stay busy, maybe pick up your phone and check social media or Youtube, desperately trying to stop thinking so that you can get some rest. Why you overthink The first reason is that it is easier to think about your problems rather than feel them. Thinking gives you distance from feelings like  anxiety , fear and sadness. These emotions are driven by the need to sort out issues in your life. All of these thoughts are your mind trying to understand those hard to deal with, or hidden feelings and by not connecting to those feelings or listening to those thoughts, they will keep springing up over and over. When you don’t allow yourself to connect to those feelings, they can arise repeatedly in a variety of ways, from unpredictable outbursts, to heightened stress and even physical health problems. The second reason is that some of you might feel first and connect that feeling to a thought. While others think first and connect that thought to a feeling. In fact, most of us think, and never connect that thought to a feeling at all. You just keep thinking and thinking hoping that you will find a way out. You never connect to your feelings and so you never know what is wrong or how to fix the emotional problems in your life. Step 1. Recognise Your Thoughts Recognise that the thoughts are just a voice in your head. Those thoughts are not you but just a part of you. You have the power to listen to them or not.  Use them to your advantage rather than allowing them to dictate how you think, act and feel. Recognise and believe that you have control over them and not the other way around. Step 2.  Separate Yourself From Your Thoughts In order to quieten those thoughts, you need to start concentrating on the here and now. This is easier said than done, as those thoughts keep coming into your mind. However, the more you practice living in the moment, finishing that work project, enjoying the feeling of the sun on your back ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/MNq3rBYntks 2017-03-22T10:00:15.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/know-yourself 2017-03-18T10:00:55.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/CA_5uH87NBI/hqdefault.jpg Do you really know yourself? It is important to get to know yourself, both, what makes you happy and also sad. So that you know if there is something wrong and the best next steps to fix it? It’s easy to notice the good but you are taught to run from the bad or hard to feel emotions such as anger, sadness and anxiety. The detriment to running is that you will never know what’s making you sad and how to fix it. Below are my 4 steps to help you understand your thoughts and feelings so that you can uncover what is wrong. Step 1. Acknowledge there is something wrong You have spent so long running from these issues that you may not even know what it is that is driving you to act and feel the way you do. Have you always been told to keep going, push negative thoughts and feelings to one side and keep calm and carry on? ‘You have been told if you do this it will magically disappear and you will feel happier. If you don’t there is something wrong with you, so many never admit that there is something wrong.’ However, if the problem has not resolved you will continue to feel these emotions and never overcome whatever it is that is holding you back. Step 2. Connect to your emotions Once you have found the issue, next is to connect to the emotions related to that thought, event or situation. Be careful, as you have spent so long distancing yourself from it, the emotions connected to it might be a surprise. A part of you may even try to protect you from seeing it by making up excuses or blaming others for the problem. By doing this, however, you are allowing the problem to fester and impact on other areas of your life. Remember, it’s not your fault. It’s just the way you have been learnt to deal with these difficult emotions. Step 3. Notice Your thoughts These thoughts can be anything from, ‘there is nothing wrong,’or ‘keep calm and carry on’. Step 4. Express it If you are finding it hard to connect with these thoughts, try writing them down. See the thoughts, emotions or problem as something outside of ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/CA_5uH87NBI 2017-03-18T10:00:55.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/lazy 2017-03-15T10:38:33.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/laBeR6p8STQ/hqdefault.jpg WHY AM I SO LAZY? 4 STEPS TO STOP BEING LAZY Do you find that you feel lazy and never want to do anything new? For example, if your friends ask you to go out, do you say no because you’re feeling lazy and can’t be bothered to get ready, travel there and make conversation even though you know you will have fun? Or do you delay doing something such as a piece of work or tidying up? Read more : How to stop being lazy You tell yourself it’s boring and you’ll do it right after this last youtube video, then it gets done last minute and leaving you rushed, stressed and feeling guilty. Everyone as lazy days where you don’t want to get out of bed, you just want to sit around at home, eat and sleep and it can be good to rest but, if you are not careful, you can get stuck in those lazy habits. That one thing you need to do becomes two, two things become five things until you feel so lazy that you don’t want to do anything at all. Where does that lazy feeling come from? It boils down to not feeling good enough, capable or able. Therefore, you try and get rid of the anxiety of even trying in case you fail after putting the hard work into it. This same behaviour then influences everything you do in order to stop feeling any sort of tension, anxiety or fear. What I am describing is a Cycle of Laziness. In the same way that you form habits such as having a coffee when you get to work or putting on a Youtube video before going to sleep, so too do you form a Cycle of Laziness. This habit requires a lot of effort to break, it has become part of your identity and helps you to feel safe and at ease. Not only that, but laziness has a biological effect on your state of mind, mood and body. Making you feel sluggish and sleepy even when you have not done anything. And so adding to that lazy mindset and behaviour. So, what can you do to stop being lazy? Here are my four steps to help you break the cycle of laziness: Step 1. Is to admit you need to change You justified in this way of life. You wouldn’t call yourself lazy, you just sa... https://www.youtube.com/embed/laBeR6p8STQ 2017-03-15T10:38:33.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/lie 2017-03-11T10:00:54.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-PNqoSf3iDg/hqdefault.jpg Can’t stop telling lies? Why Do You Lie? You may not even know why you’re telling lies yet you still do. You like to make things sound unbelievable, make you sound richer, happier and essentially better than you are. Why do people need to stretch the truth? One of the main reasons is tension. No one wants to feel responsible for hurting others. When someone asks you to go out and you would rather stay in, you lie. You might say you are busy, already going out or have work to do when really, you’re just going to go home and put the TV on. What’s stopping you saying that you simply don’t want to go out? What’s the harm in telling lies? In that moment, not so much. In the long term, however, how many lies do you need to keep up with? You have told a white lie to a friend, another to a work colleague, one to your parents and another to your partner, the list goes on. Then, you have to remember what you have said to who and where you said you were. The spinning of new lies and stories that you have to keep up with makes it difficult live in the moment. You are continuously living with the fear of slipping up and getting found out. Always on your toes, hoping and praying that you can keep tabs on which story you have told and to whom. How to stop lying This is a method in which to recognise why it is you lie and to stop it from being your default response to tension. Try and figure out which situations specifically and to whom you lie to. Is it your friends? Your relatives at work? Where is it that you feel you have to lie. To make this step easier think back to your last lie, who was it to and why did you lie? Now you have an idea about who it is you lie to and why it is you lie, the next step is to notice mid-lie why you are doing it. Maybe you won’t want to do something or have done something wrong. Usually, you would lie but this time, think to yourself ‘ why do I feel the need to lie?’ What is it you are you running from? And why is that tension so unbearable? The next step is the next ti... https://www.youtube.com/embed/-PNqoSf3iDg 2017-03-11T10:00:54.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/shy 2017-03-08T09:00:51.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/TE-orrtV3Ck/hqdefault.jpg How To Be Less Shy How often do you feel shy in your daily life? How often do you feel shy? Do you feel shy all the time or ‘ just with new people’. Do you find yourself in a social situation with people you have never met before and you feel so shy that you don’t even want to say a word? Thoughts go through your head such as ‘I don’t want to make a fool of myself’ or ‘They are not interested in what I have to say’. Then the moment passes and you feel like a failure. You wish you could have said what you wanted to say and act confidently as everyone else does. So, why is it you feel so shy? It stems down from our ancestors. Communities used to be much smaller, and so we wouldn’t want to be noticed in case we make a fool of ourselves and are ostracized by that community. Presently, you cannot control it. You don’t want to be affected in this way but you can’t help it. You just want to be like everyone else. So how are you going to overcome it? Notice when you become shy and what thoughts and feelings come up. It is difficult in the moment as you get a surge of anxiety, but, what thoughts are connected to that anxiety? It could be from a fear of saying the wrong thing, to the thought of people laughing at you or worried that you have nothing of value to say. This is all normal, but notice that you do actually have lots to say because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be overthinking all of this in the first place. The reason this happens is to save yourself from falling. Shift the focus. Instead of thinking about yourself try thinking about them. Again this is easier said than done but have some subjects prepared or talking points in reserve to help get the conversation going. Here are a couple of examples but feel free to come up with your own: I like your shoes, where did you get them from? How’s your day going? Have you found anything interesting here? How do you fit in here? Or, How do you know the host? If someone asks you a question, that’s even better. Answer it and ask them the exac... https://www.youtube.com/embed/TE-orrtV3Ck 2017-03-08T09:00:51.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/who-are-you 2017-03-04T10:00:21.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/A6FzhtLfQbU/hqdefault.jpg How to stop holding yourself back Could you be holding yourself back from your full potential? A lot of the time people identify themselves by certain items or interests, but is that who you are now? You can enjoy something, but is that your sole identity? There is so much more to you that others may not see that you may not even be aware of. What Do You Do? You may have the same old friends and interests, and you expect to be that person you once were. But you feel that isn’t enough now. So, how do you break free from this responsibility and identity? It’s easier to stay still, it’s much harder to change. Who are you trying to keep happy? Family, friends, or work colleges? What about your happiness and why would their needs outweigh your own? Who are you? Life can become so busy that you don’t get time to really reflect on yourself. and try to find why you are acting in this way. . Instead, you keep persevering, hoping eventually you will be happy but that time never comes and you are still doing the things that used to bring your happiness that no longer do. It can feel silly; why hang out with people that I don’t connect with anymore? The reason is that it is easier. It’s easier to stay still and adhere to other people’s expectations rather than grow and adapt as a person. So, now is the time to wake up and ask yourself, are you happy? Do you want to change and if so, what do you want right now? Stop holding yourself back Here is a little exercise to help get you started: 1)Firstly, think back to who you were. 2)Then, think forward to who would you like to be? 3) And lastly, who are you now ? If the first and second part match, then you must be happy. If they don’t it’s time to plan. How are you going to achieve becoming the person you want to be so that you can look forward and be excited for the next chapter of your life? And what do you need to do to make that happen? Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/A6FzhtLfQbU 2017-03-04T10:00:21.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/mental-space 2017-03-01T09:00:08.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/SgpP_MH6opk/hqdefault.jpg Learn to look after your mental space Mental space is there to help assist your life. It’s an important space to have, to be alone with general thoughts and feelings. However, this space is often filled with other things like computer games, looking at social media or reading a book. But please remember that it’s OK to relax, by filling every moment with distractions, there is no time to reflect. What’s wrong with your own company? In the past,there was a whole space and time we used to used to fill thinking about ourselves. You made plans, had ideas and searched for what will make you happy. It is difficult to imagine not having something to do all the time, not being connected or being busy. Leaving your phone at home can even cause anxiety and dread! Why do you need to be on the move all the time? Keeping constantly stimulated blocks being able to create new ideas and uncovering issues that may be getting you down. But, this stops you really knowing who you are and what you want. And constant stimulation lures you into a false sense of security and numbness, stopping any kind of motivated to change. So, next time you pick up your phone, think to yourself, ‘what am I avoiding?’, how can I look after myself and my mental space. Philip Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/SgpP_MH6opk 2017-03-01T09:00:08.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/happy 2017-02-25T12:00:09.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/n-Jkt8giGtM/hqdefault.jpg How to be happy being YOU Be happy How do you feel about yourself? I hear on a daily basis people wanting to be taller, slimmer, better looking, more intelligent or more money and confidence. There is always something seemingly wrong and the focus is never on what people can do well. What would you change about yourself if you could? Whatever the answer is, it boils down to the same thing – you are not good enough. If you were better looking more people would like you, if you were more intelligent you would get your dream job and so on. In actuality, you have what it takes to get to where you want to be, but those negative stories you tell yourself are you trying to understand why you are not getting what you want. You can’t blame anyone else only yourself. Does this sound familiar? Is it really your fault? Think about this for a moment, maybe you made a wrong decision once, but this doesn’t mean you are not good enough. Society says that you should be a certain way but this only focuses on the success stories. We are surrounded by airbrushed photographs of the perfect person and this alters a sense of reality. Here are my 4 steps to being happy with who you are and helping you to get what you want out of life: Step One: Stop comparing yourself to others There is no way of know other’s life experiences and circumstances. You don’t know how many times they have tried, how long they have been doing it for or the help they have gotten to get there. You are not them, so stopping comparing yourself. Step Two: List your bad points Whether you don’t feel tall enough, not pretty enough or not intelligent enough, write this all down. See them as what they are, just attributes with no real substance, words on paper. This is all story you have been telling yourself as to why you can’t get where you want to get to with no substance. Step Three: Now use your imagination If you woke up tomorrow and had all of those things on that list. All the things you have ever wanted, how would you feel? How would ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/n-Jkt8giGtM 2017-02-25T12:00:09.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/feel-better-5-steps-change 2017-02-22T17:19:25.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/n-Jkt8giGtM/hqdefault.jpg HOW TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF | 5 STEPS To Change Your unconscious is made up of thoughts and feelings established throughout your life. This helps you to negotiate the world and dictate how you think, feel and act day to day.? Sometimes, however, these thoughts and feelings have been established for so long that they become outdated. They may have helped you growing up but now they may be holding you back from reaching your full potential and feeling fulfilled. Here are the 5 steps to help start changing the way you relate to your unconscious thoughts and feelings. Know Yourself The first step is to uncover what it is that your unconscious thoughts and feelings are trying to tell you. What is it that you want, what are scared of, What would failure look and feel like, What’s stopping you from trying, What’s the worst that could happen? Build a picture as to why you can and can’t do whatever it is that you want to. Recognise your internal voice What thoughts come to mind at this very moment? Are your thoughts telling you that you are rubbish? That this is a stupid exercise and that it won’t work? That is the Critical Inner Voice trying to keep you safe. This voice was established from your youth and is trying to save you from falling and getting hurt both physically and emotionally. I would argue however that failure is a necessary step in order to get good and be the best at anything. This about musicians, sports stars. In fact, anyone that is good at their craft. They had to learn how to play that instrument or score a goal. They had to fail a couple of times and be taught in order to learn the right and wrong way. Your internal voice’s perceived need for safety is holding you back from trying anything new and learning from your mistakes. Now that you have a picture of what you want and what is stopping you, the next step is to make it real so that you know what it is you want to achieve. Make a plan Once you know what you want and have gone some way to dismiss your critical inner voice, let’s start to draw ou... https://www.youtube.com/embed/n-Jkt8giGtM 2017-02-22T17:19:25.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/master-your-critical-inner-voice 2017-02-18T15:47:11.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/a9TuCxpYzGM/hqdefault.jpg Master Your Critical Inner Voice Master Your Critical Inner Voice The critical inner voice is that voice in the back of your head always doubting your ability to achieve, and stopping you from trying new things. The function of this voice has always been to protect you from danger or getting hurt. That’s why when a speeding car comes past, you don’t cross the road until it has passed you. That voice, however, doesn’t just protect you from physical danger, it is also protecting you from emotional danger and stopping you from trying new things in case you get hurt. This voice can even get so loud that we no longer hear our own opinion and start to think of that voice as our own. We forget that we have the ability to look at and understand that voice as a part of us but not all we are. Where does this voice come from? Parents, friends, family, guardians or anyone who has been there to help and protect you throughout your life. This is the main reason why that voice has such authority and presence, as it stems from a place of trust and loyalty that was bestowed onto these people in your life. You need to understand where your critical inner voice originated from so you can understand why it is trying to protect you and what from. For example, your parents may have been scared of spiders and told you to be careful or even to run away from them if you see one. This is how that phobia has been passed down from them onto you. This is a more pronounced link but on a more subtle level, these characteristics, thoughts opinions or general points of view can be passed down through your parents onto you. See that voice Draw a picture. Think of a situation where the critical inner voice stifles you; maybe when going out or trying something new. With that voice and feeling present, express how you connect to it. Draw or write it out, maybe find a picture in a magazine or online which you connect that feeling to. Look at that picture. Which colours did you use? What textures does it have? Does it look comforting... https://www.youtube.com/embed/a9TuCxpYzGM 2017-02-18T15:47:11.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/valentines-day 2017-02-15T15:04:25.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/qOCANyowrxs/hqdefault.jpg Why am I single on Valentine’s Day? Was this another lonely Valentine’s Day for you this year? You may not even care, life goes on you and have more important things to worry about, but a small part of you might wish that you had someone to share the day with. You see others enjoying each others company and might think ‘why don’t I have this?’ and ‘why do I even care?’ First, let’s look at why you feel the need to be in a relationship even if you are quite happy without a partner. Society tells us that you are a failure if you are not in a relationship or at least looking for a partner. Looking at popular culture, Disney films, fairy tales, songs, it’s everywhere. They get married and live happily ever after. Sharing is caring This isn’t a new thing either. Our parents or grandparents all got married at 20 or younger. Even boring stuff like paying rent, getting a mortgage is easier when you have someone to share it with. It is bound, within society, to be in a relationship and that you are somehow lacking or disadvantaged if you are not in one. Relationships are a compromise however, they are hard work. The thought that once you are in a relationship you will live happily ever after is unrealistic. Why do you think that Disney films end at the wedding? They don’t show the arguments, the betrayal and drifting apart that can happen. ? There is pressure on relationships to always be happy and content. If you are not happy, it is your fault so you stay in a relationship, you slug it out and drift even more apart. So forget what you have been told your whole life. Do you still want to be in a relationship? Weighing up each side Being single can be a life-affirming rewarding enjoyable experience, your time is dedicated to you! You don’t have to compromise, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want without feeling bad. You can find a self-resilience in being single and doing the boring stuff on your own. But, just like being in a relationship being single can have its bad points. It can be lonely, y... https://www.youtube.com/embed/qOCANyowrxs 2017-02-15T15:04:25.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/break-social-anxiety 2017-02-11T12:00:45.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7RjOA47W7Lg/hqdefault.jpg Get Self Esteem | 1 Powerful (and easy) Technique Social anxiety How often do you get social anxiety – or feel anxious or scared about attending a social situation? You can go out and meet your friends, parents or people you know but when you have to go somewhere new or talk to people you don’t know you feel terrified. Then instead of attending, you stay at home and become bored and lonely. Last week I explained my 5 ways to be more confident . Essentially a lack of confidence is the same as feeling anxious. As your anxiety goes up, your confidence goes down and when your anxiety lowers, your confidence increases, which is why you feel confident going to meet people you know and in a familiar setting, but not meeting new people. A lot of what makes us anxious is unpredictability and the unknown. We are biologically programmed to be fearful of change and the unfamiliar which is why we find it easier to stick to the same routines rather than try something new. It takes a lot to break that familiar cycle and enjoy new social situations, as they are unpredictable and uncontrollable. You can, however, master living with this tension. These are my 5 steps to breaking the hold that social anxiety has on you: Step 1. See the fear When this fear rises up, is it in your shoulders? Your head? Your heart? If that feeling had a voice what would it say to you? Are you scared and of what exactly? It’s OK not to know right away but when you get time, have a think about it. Many of my clients tell me that they are scared of making a fool of themselves, being judged or making a mistake. Step 2. Reclaim Control Remember you are in control. In the same way that you can turn off the television, in a social situation you can leave whenever you want. You can take a break, go to the bathroom, get some air, whatever it is that gives you some time and space to take a breath and compose yourself. Step 3. People want to meet you In the same way that you might be nervous or scared, so are many other people are too. In the same way that you ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/7RjOA47W7Lg 2017-02-11T12:00:45.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tQ5YMehKaRE/hqdefault.jpg Break your social anxiety Social anxiety How often do you get social anxiety – or feel anxious or scared about attending a social situation? You can go out and meet your friends, parents or people you know but when you have to go somewhere new or talk to people you don’t know you feel terrified. Then instead of attending, you stay at home and become bored and lonely. Last week I explained my 5 ways to be more confident . Essentially a lack of confidence is the same as feeling anxious. As your anxiety goes up, your confidence goes down and when your anxiety lowers, your confidence increases, which is why you feel confident going to meet people you know and in a familiar setting, but not meeting new people. A lot of what makes us anxious is unpredictability and the unknown. We are biologically programmed to be fearful of change and the unfamiliar which is why we find it easier to stick to the same routines rather than try something new. It takes a lot to break that familiar cycle and enjoy new social situations, as they are unpredictable and uncontrollable. You can, however, master living with this tension. These are my 5 steps to breaking the hold that social anxiety has on you: Step 1. See the fear When this fear rises up, is it in your shoulders? Your head? Your heart? If that feeling had a voice what would it say to you? Are you scared and of what exactly? It’s OK not to know right away but when you get time, have a think about it. Many of my clients tell me that they are scared of making a fool of themselves, being judged or making a mistake. Step 2. Reclaim Control Remember you are in control. In the same way that you can turn off the television, in a social situation you can leave whenever you want. You can take a break, go to the bathroom, get some air, whatever it is that gives you some time and space to take a breath and compose yourself. Step 3. People want to meet you In the same way that you might be nervous or scared, so are many other people are too. In the same way that you ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/tQ5YMehKaRE 2017-02-11T12:00:45.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/unconscious-habits 2017-02-08T13:55:51.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/OJIQaxZUMkQ/hqdefault.jpg Unconscious habits: How to break them We all have unconscious habits, and it’s time we talked about them. Your unconscious dictates how you act without having to think about it all the time. What you should do and how do you feel and act in certain situations? Where does the unconscious come from? The unconscious is built from general past experiences; when you are told how to act and what to be fearful of, usually told to you by your parents, friends or family. The unconscious helps you to recognise situations and make decisions in a fraction of a second rather than have to make fresh decisions each time. For example knowing a red light means stop and a green light means go. Essentially your unconscious acts as a blueprint to allow you to negotiate the world in a quicker, and most importantly, safer way. So it’s helping then, right? Well, yes and no. On the one hand, your unconscious is helping you to live safely. On the other hand, those behaviours are so ingrained in you that you don’t even realise why you think or act in that way. What this means for you is that you can have an illogical relationship to an object, situation or person. I like to see it as an outdated map. A way of living that might have been helpful in the past but maybe not so much now. It can lead you to act in a way that your unconscious feels is safe but is stifling your best interests. This way of living can keep you ‘trapped’ in a perpetual cycle of feeling safe but stifled at the same time. An example of this would be the fear of spiders. You know that the common house spider won’t hurt you but the fear grips you, you cannot think of anything else but the spider when you see one and you have get as far away as possible just in case. But what could happen? You see it as a threat, but it’s not really. What to do about unconscious habits? You may think that this is just who you are. This isn’t true. In the same way, you developed these thoughts in the past, so too can you change them. Uncovering the thoughts: The first thing y... https://www.youtube.com/embed/OJIQaxZUMkQ 2017-02-08T13:55:51.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-be-confident 2017-02-04T12:10:54.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tQ5YMehKaRE/hqdefault.jpg How To Be Confident How often do you look around and see others exuding confidence and you wonder why you can’t be like that. They don’t have this cloud of fear or shyness hanging over their heads, but why is that? Why can they do it whereas you’re gripped by anxiety about being judged?  The evolutionary, biological reason. Evolutionarily, you don’t want to be noticed and you are protecting yourself in order to be safe so a predator doesn’t come and eat you. Then, later on, our social circles were a lot smaller.  Hundreds of years ago if you made a fool of yourself, everyone in the village would know about it. Today, chances are you are not going to see the same people every day, and if you do they don’t hold onto that judgement in the same way. From years of evolution fear is trying to protect you from shame, abandonment and emotional pain, it is outdated but still grips you in an emotional and biological way. This might be the reason but what can you do about it?  1. See the fear The reason that you are not confident is that you are trying to outrun the fear. The fear protects you, but on the other hand, can debilitate you. If you accept and understand the function of fear you can learn to notice it in these situations and even start to use that emotional and tense energy in a more positive way. 2. Love and trust yourself It’s normal to look at others and to see how they look act or say and to beat yourself up, why I  , thinner better looking, more intelligent or funny? It can be anything, any excuse as to why you are not confident but they are. However, the only thing they have is self-respect and love for themselves. They see their own value and so should you. They realise people want them around and respect their opinion and that in order to achieve anything, you are going to have to fail a few times in order to master it. You have what it takes!  Because if you weren’t up to the task you wouldn’t be searching for this topic.  3. Know what you want Do you want to make friends? ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/tQ5YMehKaRE 2017-02-04T12:10:54.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-suppressing-emotions 2017-02-01T09:00:29.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/XuqEwTf62Ng/hqdefault.jpg WHAT ARE SUPPRESSED EMOTIONS? How often do you get flashes of anxious, angry or sad thoughts or feelings in your life? You could be on the bus, with friends or at work and then all of a sudden you are reminded of a situation or event in the past, it just flashes up without warning. Read more : Stop Suppressing Your Emotions Read more : Stop Suppressing Your Emotions : Stop Suppressing Your Emotions These emotions are evoked due to an emotional impression from the past. The feelings of others’ behavior towards you (such as getting shouted at) or trying to forget the way that you acted (hurting someone else) which has left you feeling emotions such as shame, regret, or remorse. Why do they keep on coming up? Our emotions are there to tell us when things are good and bad. We don’t run from feelings of happiness yet sadness we are encouraged to. However, those hard to deal with emotions are trying to tell you that there is something wrong and something needs changing. Essentially, we get used to pushing these more negative emotions down. Essentially suppressing those emotions every time they come up in your life. Why we suppress them Society tells us that we should always be happy, to ‘keep calm and carry on’, so that we can stay in control of our thoughts and feelings. There is an element of shame in regard to not being perpetually happy all the time. The show of more negative emotion is often met with, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ ‘Don’t cry’ or ‘Stop complaining’. We have no option then but to suppress these emotions then so that, not only do we not have to deal with them but also, others don’t judge us based on feelings of sadness, anxiety and depression. The Effect of Suppressing Your Emotions No matter how many times we suppress those emotions they keep springing up. When we relax there they are which is why we usually dream when we are stressed or upset. It’s the only place where emotion can be evoked without you actively suppressing them. Understand your emotions By ‘understanding’ and acting... https://www.youtube.com/embed/XuqEwTf62Ng 2017-02-01T09:00:29.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-am-i-upset 2017-01-28T10:00:59.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/gNi__MPgMK8/hqdefault.jpg Do you know why you feel sad? How often do you hear a story that makes you feel sad, tearful or upset and you’re not even sure why? Feeling sad? Others can hear the same story and feel fine but some can be affected by it for the entire day or even longer. Why is it that you can get uncontrollably upset over issues or situations for no apparent reason? Last week, I spoke about anger and rage dictating why you feel so angry when insignificant things happens. What this is, is a delayed emotional response to something that has happened to you in the past. You can be angry at someone walking into you but not at your boss, or a friend for letting you down. What stops you listening to these emotions? Society has told you to keep calm and carry on. To stop feeling sad or depressed and to focus on the good things. I get that your friends and relatives don’t want to see you unhappy, but by quelling and suppressing your emotions they continue to live within you and play a part in how you think and feel every day. Your emotions show you that something is wrong and that you need to do something about it. In the same way, if you hurt yourself you wouldn’t ignore it, you would do something about it. Your emotions are doing the same thing and just because you can’t physically see these difficult emotions, it doesn’t mean they’re not causing you pain. Similarly to touching a bruise, it will hurt. When you see something upsetting it will press on that emotional scar and bring up all those feelings that you have pushed down and tried to forget about. This emotional pain is reminding you that something needs to be resolved so that you can be happier. How do you start to heal those emotional wounds? Step 1: Try to find a common theme of what makes you upset. Is it animals or people in pain? Things going wrong in your life? Being shouted at? Whatever it is to try and see that common thread to what it is that makes you upset. Step 2: Think back to what that feeling reminds you of. For example, experiencing a pet pa... https://www.youtube.com/embed/gNi__MPgMK8 2017-01-28T10:00:59.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/unconscious-1 2017-01-25T09:00:28.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/OJIQaxZUMkQ/hqdefault.jpg Your unconscious thoughts The unconcious Unconscious thoughts and feelings have been established throughout life. They are essentially a blueprint of how to navigate in the world with as little fuss and bother as possible. An example would be waiting at a red light and going at a green light, all without consciously thinking about it. This is going on non-stop in many different situations. If this didn’t happen then we would have to make fresh decisions constantly. Green light etiquette The unconscious is like a shortcut. It tells us how to act automatically. It’s so automatic in fact, that you might not even realise that you have an option to listen to those thoughts and feelings. Many of my clients have said, ‘That’s just me, that’s who I am’. But is it really who you are? Or is it something that you can control and change if you so wish? Yes you can! The first step is to see those thoughts as what they are, automatic. They are there to help you navigate but, they can get a bit outdated which is why you might feel that you want to do something, yet don’t feel able to do it. Start to change your automatic process It sounds quite scary to think that you don’t have complete autonomy over the decisions you make. It’s almost like there is a puppet master pulling the strings. Think about some of the most common fears or phobias; meeting new people for example. You know that people aren’t dangerous, most are friendly, want to meet and chat, yet you feel scared to talk to anyone in case you are ridiculed, made to look like a fool or make a mistake. You might think that you can’t help how you feel in this situation when in actuality you have more power than you think! These automatic thoughts are there to keep you safe and help you navigate through life with less effort. However, if they are not working anymore you have the power to change them. Your unconscious By starting to look further into this you can start to assess how you are living, look at the person you want to be and work out ways t... https://www.youtube.com/embed/OJIQaxZUMkQ 2017-01-25T09:00:28.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-suppression-limits-you 2017-01-21T15:45:23.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/XuqEwTf62Ng/hqdefault.jpg How suppression limits you Have you ever thought about suppression? Do you ever get thoughts or emotions springing up out of nowhere? Feelings of injustice, anger, fear for no apparent reason? Well, these thoughts are trying to tell you something. They were established a long time ago where something made you feel a certain way but you weren’t allowed to express your true feelings. Those same feelings are being evoked when unrelated circumstances arise. They tell you that there is something in your life that needs changing, and you need to sort it out. This is the reason that the smallest things can evoke such a huge surge of emotion. Society is told time and time again to ‘calm down’, to run from anger and frustration, to stifle it and suppress it until it goes away. This may help in the short-term but this suppression causes more frustration and then intensifies; waiting for another unjust situation to arise in order to offload the original anger and frustration, which again gets stifled and this becomes a continuous cycle. Can you see the excess pressure that suppression adds to your life? Try and picture all of the anxiety and sadness you are carrying around with you. It affects who you are, how you act and taints every experience you may have, good or bad. Remember this is all in our unconscious, you are not actively suppressing the emotion, it is just a learnt behaviour, a behaviour which has helped to keep you safe in one respect, but on the other, has limited your possibilities and enjoyment of life. What’s stopping you? You know you should address these feelings, yet many are scared to, why is that? What do you think you would uncover about yourself? By understanding these emotions you can start to learn who you really are, why you feel the way you do, how to change things in your life that is causing you emotional pain, and get a better understanding of what will make you happy. You don’t need to carry them any longer. Learn to embrace them, understand them and use them to change... https://www.youtube.com/embed/XuqEwTf62Ng 2017-01-21T15:45:23.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/angry-smallest-things 2017-01-18T09:00:35.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/oMfCqdkGfn0/hqdefault.jpg HOW TO STOP BEING ANGRY | CONTROL YOUR ANGER Why do the smallest things evoke such strong emotions? Think about the last time you got angry. Did you bump into someone you didn’t want to in the street or did your partner do something small that evoked a strong emotional response? Was it justified? Why did you lose your temper or why did it affect you in such a profound way? Read more : Why do I get angry at the smallest things? Negative emotions are a part of everyone’s lives. Even if you try to distance yourself from them, you’ll still get small negative emotions throughout the day. But why? Why can the smallest things evoke such a striking emotional response? Deferred emotion Emotions such as anger, frustration and rage are demonised by society. We are told to ‘keep calm and carry on’, to calm down or stop being so angry. Even when you feel angry or upset you have to bottle it up. For example, your boss gives you extra work to do, you are desperate for payday and your parents are coming to stay for the weekend. You are under all this pressure but what is your outlet, where do you vent, how do you show your worry? Instead, you keep calm and carry on, and on, and on, until your partner leaves the toilet seat up. You explode shouting and screaming ‘How many times have I told you!’ At this moment you feel completely justified in your anger, how many times have you told him to put the toilet seat down and yet he still doesn’t do it! That response is not just about the toilet seat, it’s a culmination of everything going on in your life. You are responding to your boss, lack of money and the pressure of your parents coming to stay. Safety Why do you explode at your partner rather than your boss or your parents? It’s safe to show your anger with him as there is less chance of consequences. If you shout at your boss, you will be fired, you know it’s your fault for spending too much money this month and you just wouldn’t dare shout at your parents. The only way to release the pressure is to shout at the safest perso... https://www.youtube.com/embed/oMfCqdkGfn0 2017-01-18T09:00:35.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/do-others-opinions-impact-your-point-of-view-therapy-in-london 2017-01-11T09:00:40.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/guP3sTenFEU/hqdefault.jpg Do others opinions impact your point of view? How do you feel when someone tells you that you’re doing something wrong? Even if it’s something you feel that you are pretty good at, even if it goes against your knowledge and point of view. I was at the gym recently and someone ‘corrected’ my technique. At the moment I thought to myself  ‘Yes I should be doing it his way, he must be correct. I am doing it wrong and maybe I should follow his guidance.’ In that moment my opinion and my own voice had gone, his point of view had trumped my own. I then reflected and thought, ‘I should not do it that way as I know that this information is his point of view, not fact and is not correct.’ Where’s my voice? We listen to other opinions and we take them on as the correct way of acting and being in the world, but at what consequence? Unless we are asking for others help we have the answer that we want, we know how to get there yet we feel everyone has more knowledge and experience than us. Why we listen to the point of view of others Thinking back to childhood, we form our own opinion based on our parents and they have a big part in our identity. We may rebel as we grow older but that sense that others point of view or information right still lives within us. It stands to reason that what other people think and feel gets internalised by us and our opinion gets lost. How to hear your voice We can still ask people for help and advice but let’s try not to let other opinions dominate our world view. Notice when your voice is being drowned out and if it is, do you agree with what you are hearing? If not, recognise and accept your own point of view. Your truth is as valuable as others, even more so in your life as it is your opinion. What happens if I can’t hear my voice? This is a question that I hear within many therapy sessions and my answer is always the same. You need a firm understanding of your identity, who you are, what you like and dislike, your good and bad points so that you can start to hear YOU. The way you choose... https://www.youtube.com/embed/guP3sTenFEU 2017-01-11T09:00:40.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/stop-fear 2017-01-07T12:53:58.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HjQzBPpEy7I/hqdefault.jpg Tips to stop fear ruining your life Why am I scared? Firstly, what do you fear? Is it heights? Talking to new people? Some people are even scared of baked beans. Everyone has their fears and for all different reasons. And you never question that fear, you just distance yourself from whatever it is you are scared of and hope that you will never find yourself in that situation again. Conquer that fear In order to conquer that fear you need to understand why you are scared. You need to look into the past and present so as to understand which feelings are underneath that fear. Here is a typical exchange that I might have with a client suffering with the fear of talking to new people. This is a hypothetical scenario: Therapist : ‘What is it about talking to someone new that fills you with fear’ Client : ‘I am scared that I will not ‘ know what to say or will stumble my words. Therapist : ‘What’s wrong with that?’ Client : ‘Well then they will think I’m a fool.’; Therapist : ‘But, you would never see them again.’ Client : ‘Well, they might tell other people that I am a fool and then everyone would think less of me.’ Therapist : ‘Who are these people that would think less of you?’ Client : ‘I don’t know them, but I might meet them and then everyone would think I was a fool.’ This scenario brings to light the judgement one might feel when talking to new people. Fear of making a fool of themselves whilst also being judged, and thinking that judgement would become part of their identity. This is one example, but not everyone is the same. What are your personal reasons behind your specific fears? Whether it is fear of failure or feelings of sadness around a loss, it can be anything that you connect and identity with. Tips to help you understand. Something you could try at home to help uncover this is a Thought Record: Think of a situation that makes you feel scared, write out why you are scared and then what feelings are evoked. By doing this you are making the situation real, understanding a part of yourself... https://www.youtube.com/embed/HjQzBPpEy7I 2017-01-07T12:53:58.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-stop-being-scared-to-try 2017-01-04T12:27:20.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/a9TuCxpYzGM/hqdefault.jpg How to stop being scared to try Last week we discussed where the critical inner voice comes from and how it keeps you safe from physical and emotional danger. But it can also make you scared to  try new things in case you get hurt. It is an important asset in your life but maybe it’s time for it to quiet down so it doesn’t make you scared and stop you from trying new things. Steps to stop feeling scared 1. How you think now Think of an example. It could be something that someone told you in the past to be careful of, or thought was dangerous. For example, someone could have told you that curry tastes horrible, or you shouldn’t get too close to dogs as they will hurt you. Essentially telling you a situation or object is dangerous or trying something different is impossible. These are just a few examples of things that make you feel scared, but think of your own example, anything that speaks to you and has stopped you from trying something new. 2. Perspective See that voice as a separate entity from you. You might think that it is your voice that is saying all this in the back of your mind but, ‘are there other perspectives in your head that you don’t hear?’ I like to tell my clients of an angel or devil on your shoulder telling you something in your ear but in order to act on it, you have to hear it and then make that decision. However, one perspective has been so loud for so long that it’s the only voice that you’ve heard for a while, which is why you have believed that it is your voice, your opinion, or rather the only opinion. Start to hear all perspectives in your head, not just the one you are used to.  Draw or write them out so that you can see how you relate to them in your day to day life. What attributes do those voices have? What colour would they be? Would they be hard or soft? Big or small? How are they making you feel scared? The way it looks shows how you connect to it, yourself and the world. 3. Re-design them Now you can see these different perspectives in front of you, how would... https://www.youtube.com/embed/a9TuCxpYzGM 2017-01-04T12:27:20.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-am-i-so-self-critical 2016-12-28T12:00:58.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/FCuJrnwicCs/hqdefault.jpg Why am I so self-critical? Are you self-critical? Have you ever criticised your own thoughts, feelings and actions? You might think to yourself for example: ‘Don’t try to do that new thing’ because you will never succeed’ or ‘Drink 5 coffees to wake up’ before tell you ‘how silly you are for drinking so much and feeling anxious.’ Essentially  ‘don’t bother trying’ or ‘if you try you will fail’ and ‘It’s your fault’  It’s debilitating and frustrating, to have these conflicting thoughts, you want to try new things yet you feel powerless. Why do I criticise myself? An example would be from when you were a child. You are riding your bike and you see a hill. Your first instinct is to ride down it as quick as you can but just as you are about to ride down at full speed you hear ‘STOP! BE CAREFUL!’ from an elder. ‘Don’t ride down that hill, you’ll hurt yourself?’ In that moment how do you feel? Shocked that someone is shouting at you? Safe in the thought that they are looking out for you? Are you also stifled? You wanted to ride down that hill. You wanted to try but you’re not allowed in case something bad happens. How this affects you now T his story is replicated continuously not just when you are riding your bike, but when anything potentially dangerous happens. Crossing the road would be a typical example, or meeting new people, going somewhere new or starting something new. Your brain knows there is nothing to fear yet you still get that emotional tinge that something bad may happen. You are bracing yourself for something which you know is unlikely to happen . This voice doesn’t want you to try anything risky or new because you might ?hurt? yourself. This voice is trying to save you from getting hurt, but now the voice is saving you from a new pain; the emotional pain of failing, saving your sense of self or ego. This stops you from trying anything new, going for that new job, asking that person out or quitting that job you hate. Being self-critical isn’t all bad I have been demonising this ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/FCuJrnwicCs 2016-12-28T12:00:58.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/say-no 2016-12-25T11:00:04.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ePz5ONk1X3c/hqdefault.jpg Why can?t I say no? How do you feel about saying no? Do you still say yes to going out when you would rather be at home? or do you say yes to lending someone money when you don’t have it to give? You might not even know why you find it hard to say no, yet you find you can’t help it. It’s almost instinctive Where does this behaviour come from? Think about the relationship you had with your family growing, did your parents expect you to do certain things for them whenever they asked? Or even your friends at school, were you expected to be a good friend by helping them with their needs before your own? Was that what your friendship was based on? Were you allowed to say no? These relationships lay the foundations for how we interact with others. If this is what we learnt growing up, this was the way we should act. This behaviour gets repeated as we grow up until it becomes automatic, almost instinctive and ever-present in all our relationships. Safty With these foundations we learn that others will only like us if we are at their beck and call, we think that saying no is bad and therefore we feel safe within these relationships. Saying yes doesn’t bring about hostility only thanks, whereas saying no brings friction and tension. Something that many try to distance themselves from. Identity Essentially it has become a part of your identity, you always say yes and others expect you to. Why do you find it so hard to say no to someone? You might tell yourself it’s rude or it’s what you have always done, it makes you happy to do things for others. It is nice to help people out sometimes but do you always want to? Do you occasionally feel powerless or that you have a duty to do what others ask of you while your needs get forgotten about . Why don’t others help, why is it always your responsibility? The detriment of saying yes all the time. By saying yes you don’t feel tense with others but you instead take on that burden yourself. You might not make your friend upset but where does that feelin... https://www.youtube.com/embed/ePz5ONk1X3c 2016-12-25T11:00:04.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/fun-keep-trying 2016-12-14T09:00:10.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/WRENDWzcgBM/hqdefault.jpg Have fun and keep trying Think about what you do for fun, you may have dreams of making it into business, getting a new job or even playing a professional sport, but you don’t get very far because you’d sooner give up. How many times have you tried to do something and given up halfway through? More importantly, why did you give up? Did you get bored or restless and would rather be doing something else even though you knew you should keep going? Why is that? Have FUN Think back to such a situation and ask yourself, was I enjoying myself doing the task? If you didn’t enjoy the journey to your end goal you will never be able to stick at it. This is really important and is a common area of frustration with many of my client’s. You want to be something, do something, reach a goal, but feel powerless. I get it, you just want to get to the endpoint, be rich, be successful and good at what you do. You never think of sports or movie stars having to learn their craft before they get to score that goal or win that Oscar. We are ignorant of the hard work and effort that they have put into it to start with. The most important part of their success is their enjoyment and love for the craft. You have to enjoy the journey in order to get good enough to be the best, do it every day and reap the rewards for your skill. It is a hard journey but one that you will relish and enjoy being part of. If you are not getting anything out of your day to day life then what’s the point? Make your job your hobby Think about your hobbies and what you do for fun. Why do you think you are so good at that sport, game or know all the lines to that song or movie? It’s because you are fully engaged and want to experience it again and again. You want to be great at it or know all the words. You always want to get better. The same can be said for a job or a relationship – anything you want to achieve. You need to enjoy it so that you will want to do it again and again, constantly learning about the process. The way experts beco... https://www.youtube.com/embed/WRENDWzcgBM 2016-12-14T09:00:10.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/start 2016-12-07T09:01:30.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/KufX4p3E2KA/hqdefault.jpg STOP TALKING START DOING Wondering how to achieve your dreams? It’s time to stop talking and start doing. Recently I heard some people talking about a business idea a friend of theirs had. They were discussing the business and then one of them stated that he is ‘nothing special.’ What he did was ‘easy’ and that ‘anyone could have done it.’ I thought, why could they not be happy for their friend? If it was that easy, why didn’t they do it? Some like to demote other achievements and not acknowledging the hard work they put in. If it was so easy why didn’t they try? And more importantly, why do they feel the need to belittle someone else’s work? Jealousy? Feelings of inadequacy? Or do people want to feel better in themselves for not even trying? They did not acknowledge the hard work that their friend had put into achieving his business. The failure, the heartache the time spent learning his craft and setting up the business? Yet those gentlemen were still praising each other for doing the task but without putting in any of the work. Holding you back It might seem inconsequential but in actuality, this way of relating to others achievements is holding them back. They are still getting an element of the praise for doing something without actually achieving anything. This in turn holds them back from as they no longer feel they need to try something new as they are getting the same emotional validation without doing trying to achieve anything. Stop talking, start doing You have to be in the race to win it. You have to stop talking and start doing. Start the race rather than just talking about winning it. If you find yourself thinking or saying the same thing as those gentlemen, stop and ask yourself, why didn’t you try? Philip Karahassan Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/KufX4p3E2KA 2016-12-07T09:01:30.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/start-now 2016-11-30T08:00:39.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-Mrg0rMsji4/hqdefault.jpg How to stop procrastinating Is procrastinating stopping you from being your most productive self? How many times have you had something to do yet you leave it and leave it? You know you should start now in order to get it done to the best of your ability and yet you still procrastinate. You’ll do it tomorrow or after this episode on Netflix. You delay it again and again until you have to rush at the last minute. The work won’t get done to the best of your ability, but more so, what effect is that having on your mental wellbeing? Procrastinating means that things are always on your mind niggling away. It takes your mind off living in the moment and being fully engaged with what you really want to do. You might think: I better get on with that! Or How much time have I got left to do that task? It fills you with dread and anxiety and taints your daily life when you should be having fun. The plaster Imagine having a plaster on – if you rip it off slowly, the pain is slow and it lingers. It still hurts but you keep pulling it slowly off, stopping and starting. Leaving it when the pain gets too much. You think you will do it later and leave it half on you half off. Then it starts to get the itch and you have to scratch it, always reminding you that it has to be taken off. This adds to the build-up of anxiety in your mind, so you leave it. Emotionally bound to not take it off Stop procrastinating: Rip it off now If you rip it off, you feel intense pain for a moment, but the pain subsides just as quickly and you no longer have to think about it. It’s just gone, no scratching, no fuss, no stress. With that done you can concentrate fully on other things without the thought of the plaster returning. How it will help You can use this analogy with whatever you are procrastinating about. If you do it slowly, it will always be on your mind, burrowing in your mind, and leave you feeling like you should be getting it done yet not wanting to fully feel the  ‘pain’ of doing it. You know you will have to rush ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/-Mrg0rMsji4 2016-11-30T08:00:39.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/overwhelmed 2016-11-23T12:00:46.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/6gga631kV8s/hqdefault.jpg Why am I Overwhelmed? It’s daunting looking into the distance and thinking ‘how am i going to reach my dreams?’ You might be feeling overwhelmed or have thoughts of inadequacy or fear. You may ask yourself, can I do this? Am I ready? Am I good enough? In order to break feelings of dread, fear and perceived inadequacy you say to yourself for example: I’ll do it later, I am too busy at the moment or there is plenty of time to do it. So you distance yourself from those feelings by getting back to your day, which then brings short term relief from the frustration of feeling stunted in achieving your dreams. Is feeling overwhelmed stopping you from trying? I am not here to tell you a fairy tale about how everything is going to be ok. It is going to be hard and it’s normal to think from time to time ‘can I really do this?’ Think about what is stopping you, write them down, conceptualise, understand and answer those fears. What will make it less scary? How will you get good enough? Maybe, to get more time you need to reevaluate how you spend your free time. From Emotional to Cognitive This is the first step in planning how you are going to reach your goals. Start by understanding what is holding you back emotionally. Next is to answer the question of how you are going to conquer your emotionally lead, perceived barriers before working out the more cognitive logistic barriers. How will you ever find the treasure if you don’t have a map to find it? Rather than think of just the end goal think about the steps to make it achievable. First, look at what your emotions are telling you. Then work out mentally how to reach your goal by drawing out steps or a ‘map’ to get there. If you try, at least you know if it is doable or not. Each step you take is one step closer to those end goals. Have faith in yourself What is it that’s holding you back? Philip Karahassan Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/6gga631kV8s 2016-11-23T12:00:46.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/try 2016-11-16T16:36:04.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dIYEtwUYo1c/hqdefault.jpg Why you don’t try & tips to achieve your goals Everyone has hopes and dreams. Yet how is it that some people achieve their dreams and others don’t? One of the main reasons is that they try. Therefore ask yourself, why not try? For many, the thought of failing is so binding and fills you with dread and anxiety, that we are unable able to. What I want to look at are the most common reasons that stop people from trying. The stories we tell Many tell themselves the same story over and over again such as: It will never work, I don’t have the ability, I am not clever enough, I don’t have the confidence, I am not good enough. Do any of these sound familiar? Are these statements true or are they just the stories you tell yourself? Fear of failure Society has been conditioned to think that failure is bad and that it should be avoided it at all costs. When actually, failure is a valuable learning experience that leads to growth and change. How can I change, change? The first step to change is to know yourself, know your own, morals, values, opinions and drivers. While doing this notice the difference between your thoughts and feelings and those that have been expressed by other people. Ask yourself, how much do you believe in those ideals or are yours different? Ask yourself Now you know what you want and have started to dissociate yourself from others? thoughts, opinions and ideas, the next thing to look at are your fears. Ask yourself: Why don’t you feel good enough to try? What would happen if you fail? What’s stopping you from trying again? Where do these thoughts and feelings about your ability come from? Why do you believe them? Are they really you? Don’t see these as part of your identity if you don’t want them to be. Remember, not trying is the biggest failure of all. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/dIYEtwUYo1c 2016-11-16T16:36:04.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/scared 2016-11-09T13:23:03.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HjQzBPpEy7I/hqdefault.jpg Why am I scared? What are you scared of? Is it a physical object or trying something new? You might not even realise that you are scared, but take yourself out of situations unconsciously that could evoke the feeling of being scared. What are the reasons for scared? T o understand why we feel the way we do, we n eed to look beyond the fear , and get to the root-cause of what this issue means for you individually. The levels below signify the chain reaction of thoughts and feelings that go along with every decision we make. Take the example of speaking to a celebrity. Level 1. Scared – I am afraid of talking to them Level 2. Embarrassed – They might perceive me as  ‘stupid?’ Level 3. Incapable – People in the room or the celebrity may laugh at me Level 4. Rejected – I will feel inadequate and a fool and no one will want to talk to me. Level 5. Alone – If everyone rejects me I won’t have any friends. Next Step Think back to feeling rejected in the past, is this feeling the same or similar. In this example, the reason you didn’t try was that you are trying to eliminate the chance of feeling rejected. Can you see how this one instance can have all this danger attached to it. It is a danger that lives in the unconscious and dictates how you think, act and feel in your day to day life without you even realising it. This way of relating to the world is made u p of past experiences. It helps us to help understand the world. T o some, it may seem dangerous, but to others, it may be exciting to try. Think about the opportunities you didn’t try for . Was it s peaking to someone you ‘re romantically interested in? A job you did not apply for? or a meeting you did not voice your opinion in, only for someone else to look like the hero and say what you wanted to say. There is no cognitive reason, you are gripped by the emotion associated with that event but emotionally, you are bound. How to stop b eing confined What I find useful in my sessions is to use a thought record to help quantify what ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/HjQzBPpEy7I 2016-11-09T13:23:03.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/im-always-told 2016-11-02T09:00:53.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tr3ZxA3PuHM/hqdefault.jpg HOW DO I STOP LISTENING TO OTHERS? Why am I always told what to do? Let’s say, you have always dreamt your life would be a certain way. A certain job or lifestyle for example, yet you wake up every morning doing something you don’t enjoy in order to make ends meet. Where is your voice? Why do you feel that others’ feelings are more important than your own? You are the expert when it comes to your happiness, yet you feel compelled to listen to others in regard to your own happiness! Why do you always dismiss your own needs to fit in with others’ lives? It sounds odd to think that others are telling you what you want, and what should make you happy in your life. Now, these people are not being malicious, they are trying to help you. It’s good to listen to others advice in regards to doing something new or ideas to help you towards your goal, bu,t let’s try and cut out the voices of people telling you that what you want is not right. You have nothing to lose. Try one new thing this week that you have always wanted to do. It doesn’t need to be a huge life-changing event, just something that will bring you a little of happiness. Listen to your voice. What do you want to do right now? Philip Karahassan Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/tr3ZxA3PuHM 2016-11-02T09:00:53.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/how-to-be-yourself 2016-10-26T08:00:18.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tr3ZxA3PuHM/hqdefault.jpg How to be yourself: Listen to your instincts Wondering how to be yourself? And stop listening to others? Many would like to try new things and achieve more but feel unable to. They feel like they are lacking motivation, but that’s not the whole story. Throughout people’s lives, they are told by others to, ‘be happy with what you have, ‘stop being selfish’ and ‘you should count your blessings for what you have achieve.’ Then all that is left are thoughts of, ‘what’s the point in trying?’ Do you think ‘Everyone sees my efforts as negative, so maybe I am wrong? Maybe I should stop trying to get better and reach my goals if everyone else is telling me not to’. Where is your voice? Don’t get me wrong it’s OK to listen to people’s advice sometimes but it is also important to follow your gut so that you can at least try for what you really want. This, in part, is linked to safety. It’s safe to stay in the same position, job or relationship as you know what to expect. Safety can be good but it can also be stifling and lead you to feeling demotivated as you are not putting your efforts where you want them to go. It is important to listen to others advice but, what’s wrong with your voice and your needs? You need to remember to be yourself too. Be yourself You know what you want, so why are you listening to everyone else’ Their voice becomes more important than yours. You are the master of your own happiness so listen to yourself if you feel something needs to be done or you want to try something new. Think about what you want rather than what other people have told you. Even saying it can sound silly; someone else telling you what will make you happy. But remember you are the master of what makes you happy. I hasten to add that your safety is important so I do not condone anything illegal. Why don’t you try one new thing this week? See how it goes listening to your voice rather than everyone else’s. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/tr3ZxA3PuHM 2016-10-26T08:00:18.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/make-best-bad-situation 2016-10-19T11:01:38.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MdMdScLf1j4/hqdefault.jpg How to make the best of a bad situation How do you make the best out of a bad situation or react when things don’t go your way? To give you an example, I broke the camera charger a couple of months ago. Breaking the charger meant that I couldn’t film my usual Sunday video . Rather than not put a video up at all I used a different resource to make another type of video. It wasn’t exactly what I planned to do, but it was better than nothing and lead to inspiration for future videos. In fact, this blog, video and a few future videos were in consequence of me breaking the charger. Sometimes things don’t go your way. Things become out of your control, for me it was the camera but for you, the train could be delayed, you didn’t get that job you wanted or someone cancels on you. Many give up, but what I ask you do to is rather than fall at the first hurdle. Learn to look at the situation in a different way, relate to it and use that disappointment to grow, adapt and achieve what you want to achieve. Is there another way to get to the endpoint you envisaged? Work within the limitation of circumstances, ask yourself, ‘What can I do here?’ by learning to adapt to what the world throws at us, by not giving up and working out a different way, it leads to growth change and inspiration. This way of relating to disappointment and frustration is not just bound to that one event. This way of relating can be replicated again and again whenever something doesn’t go your way. This gives self-reliance, tenacity and confidence in all walks of life. Next time something doesn’t go your way, try to find a new route to get to that endpoint. It might not be as easy but the journey is just as important as reaching that goal. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/MdMdScLf1j4 2016-10-19T11:01:38.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/zoella 2016-10-12T21:25:38.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-hwjHoR2SsQ/hqdefault.jpg Following Zoella’s Example I recently read an article in Cosmopolitan magazine about Youtuber Zoella’s (Zoe Sugg’s) battle with anxiety. Zoe feels able to broadcast her message to youtube, yet suffers from so much anxiety that she feels unable to do certain things that many take for granted, such as going to London on the train. Zoella celebrates the fact that she sees a therapist every week stating that: ‘People go to the gym, they go to hairdressers but nobody looks after their mind’ I agree with this. What is on display must be cared for but when it comes to the mind, it is neglected. Issues are ignored which may be why the focus is on physical appearance, it’s controllable, whereas the mind seems uncontrollable. What stops us? There is a stigma surrounding therapy. There is difficulty admitting that you are failing or can’t cope, yet what goes on in the mind dictates how you act, who you are and what you avoid. If you don’t look at your mind, how are you ever going to grow and develop to being truly happy? You are stuck in the lull of depression keeping you in bed when you should be up. By not looking at the depression you end up not even knowing why you are in bed, why you feel the way you do, and so find it much harder to change. Zoella highlights that just because someone is at the height of popularity, this doesn’t mean that their life is perfect. It is just one part of their life that appears perfect. Looking at all parts of your life means that you can be firing on all cylinders and not bound within your emotions and negative thoughts. There may be no rhyme or reason when you think about the way you act. However, that same emotional energy is compelling enough to distance yourself from certain situations. For Zoe, going and meeting royalty is something that she felt honoured and excited to do, yet felt compelled not to. This illustrates that many feel able to look after certain aspects of their life but find it difficult to overcome the more emotionally charged and perceived dang... https://www.youtube.com/embed/-hwjHoR2SsQ 2016-10-12T21:25:38.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/is-it-time-for-a-change 2016-10-05T16:48:12.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5Pj8-76JIGE/hqdefault.jpg Is it time for a change? Do you like change? Some love it, always moving, adapting and changing while others like some staticity. Do you like new challenges? Do you find yourself too scared to try something new or prefer staying in the same place yet wishing that things would change? Which camp do you fall into? Why Change? Positive reasons It is important to be comfortable and safe in your day to day life. Everybody has responsibilities that mean it is not always easy to make drastic changes in what you do, even if it would make us happy. However, there comes a time where we get bored of the monotony of life. For instance, the same job that we don’t enjoy or not getting on with your partner in the same way you used to. I am not saying you should necessarily get up and change everything, but how can you change your life for the better? Maybe by changing your behaviour, the way you relate to a partner in a relationship or by looking for that new job. It doesn’t always need to be drastic , it can be small and still yield big results. Why c hange? Negative r easons For some, staying still is dangerous. It can feel as if something is missing and that there is something better out there. You can feel constantly on the cusp of happiness without ever getting there. By staying still there is the added pressure of responsibility. You can find yourself Having to deal with responsibilities at work or with family which you may not feel ready or able to manage. So, we keep moving, never remaining still long enough to have any pressure put on us. You’re Essentially chopping and changing so that you don’t have to deal with your problems. Change is not always good, sometimes we need to stay and fight so that issues can be dealt with for future growth. A change however small can seem daunting but it can alter who you are, your personality and your identity for the better. Growth is part of life, who you were in the past can hold you back significantly. Think about who you are and what you want, is your b... https://www.youtube.com/embed/5Pj8-76JIGE 2016-10-05T16:48:12.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/top-5-steps-to-achieving-your-goals 2016-09-28T10:00:39.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/RNzIikazYz0/hqdefault.jpg Top 5 steps to achieving your goals It can seem daunting thinking about making a start on your goals. How would you even make a start? What I thought would be helpful is to share my top 5 tips to achieving your goals. Use these tips to begin your journey to a happier more fulfilled life. 1.Know what you want We all have dreams for the future; either buying a new car, getting on the property ladder or having a family. These are our dreams on the surface, but what is behind that nice car or house? It could be safety or the feeling that all of your hard work has paid off. Think about what is behind the objects you are pining after so that you know what you really want to achieve. 2.Create a map You have an idea about what your goals are. You want that feeling of safety in your house, but how are you ever going to get enough money to get it? It seems so far away and unattainable; almost scary making a start. Rather than thinking about the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, think about smaller, more manageable steps that will start you along the journey. It can be as simple as writing a timetable for the week or looking into that business idea that you have been thinking about for years. Think of it as a map, showing you the path to your success. 3. Time management How many times have you sat down to work and then put the TV on, checked your phone or logged onto Facebook just to check what’s going on? Then the next thing you know an hour has gone by and you are hungry, so you eat something. Then you feel tired so are not in the right mindset to work. By setting a timetable it will help you stick to what you need to do. Something that has helped me is to think about what my goals for the day are and to set a time to achieve each one, ticking them off my list. 4.Diet and rest Be driven, tenacious and passionate but remember that you have to rest. Working non-stop for 8 hours might seem like you are working hard and I am sure you are, but how productive have you been in the last 2 hours? By taking a br... https://www.youtube.com/embed/RNzIikazYz0 2016-09-28T10:00:39.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/the-key-to-hapiness 2016-09-21T12:12:21.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/gtQi1TffwqE/hqdefault.jpg The key to happiness Happiness is subjective, we all have our own versions of happiness depending on, for example, our upbringing and our interests. We know what will make you happier yet you don’t always follow your dreams. Maybe you have responsibilities or commitments and so have to keep following the same path. Forever dreaming about a better, more fulfilled and happier life but feeling unable to begin to make that change. Is that the real reason or would you rather feel that the life you always wanted is there if you tried? What would happen if you tried and failed? It seems safer to hold onto that fantasy rather than try, fail, and have the feeling that the option is no longer open to you. To many of our, life goals seem so far away that it is scary to even try and think of where to start to get to our goals. Let’s look at the steps we can take to start this journey to happiness. Cognitively Whatever it is you want, first break down the steps you have to take to reach that goal of happiness. Start from the top and work your way down. For example, > BUYING A HOUSE You would need to save up and > GET A NEW JOB To get a job you would have to > GO TO UNIVERSITY To learn new skills you would then get some > INDUSTRY EXPERIENCE This, of course, is a very simplistic way to look at happiness, and there is much more to it, for example, to get into University you may need to fulfil certain educational criteria. What I am highlighting is that by making a plan for small steps we can start mapping out towards the end goal. Emotionally We have the map of what direction to take, but it’s not just the cognitive that you need to sort but your emotions too. Fear of failure and happiness How is fear of failure holding you back? We all try to get everything right the first time, but chances are, we are going to fail a few times before we improve. If you give up every time you fail you will never learn from your mistakes. It’s ok to fail. Failure leads to strength. The important part is being able ... https://www.youtube.com/embed/gtQi1TffwqE 2016-09-21T12:12:21.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/is-perfection-achievable 2016-09-14T15:20:19.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/L-bPh21KIsE/hqdefault.jpg Is perfection achievable? Why does everything we do have to be perfect? We have unrealistic expectations on what perfection is. We dream of undertaking a project or trying something new and expect to be great at it straight away. Expectations are founded with people’s achievements. However, what has not been highlighted is the work that they put in to reach that level.. It’s that tenacity that helped them towards achieving their goals. We do not see them picking themselves up again and again and not being limited by their perceived ‘perfect’ way of achieving their goals. Expectations We expect everything to be seamless, but this unrealistic expectation of perfection can be so debilitating that it stops us from even trying, just in case it doesn’t go according to plan. It doesn’t help that social media, as with popular culture in general, only show others in a light in which they want to portray themselves. You never hear about the number of times they tried to climb that mountain and failed. Only that they reached the top of the mountain. You don’t remember how many times a footballer missed a free-kick but you remember the handful of times he scored. The same can be said for the way we relate to ourselves on social media. We put our best self forward. We picking the perfect picture and craft the perfect status to show us in the best light possible Achievements Focusing on our achievements is good but look at your relationship to perfection. Is it stopping you from trying new things and reaching your dreams? ‘Just in case it doesn’t turn out like the fairy tale’ that you have told yourself. The next time you feel dejected by others ‘perfection’ catch yourself and remind yourself that everyone clawed their way to success with just as many bumps and hiccups as you are experiencing. Therapy London https://www.youtube.com/embed/L-bPh21KIsE 2016-09-14T15:20:19.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-am-i-emotional 2016-09-07T19:22:44.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/gW8QFxyUpZw/hqdefault.jpg Why am I emotional? Our emotions are ever-present in our lives. One moment we can be happy and the next emotional, with waves of sadness, anxiety or fear can come over us. We are taught to run from our more difficult negative emotions (as discussed in the blog on anger and rage) . And we are expected to be happy and content all the time but this is not realistic. Circumstances arise which evoke different emotions if we don’t feel and deal with the ‘negative’ emotions we would never try anything new or have any hopes or dreams for the future. Negative emotions The negative emotions are important. Because they help regulate us, keep us safe, show when something isn’t right and motivate us to change. Do you ever get angry at someone for stopping in the street suddenly or driving erratically? This is our response to unexpected or dangerous behaviour in our lives. The emotional anger or rage we feel is keeping us safe from a perceived imminent threat to our safety. It is the same for sadness, depression, anger , they are telling us something is wrong and something needs changing. So, when those feelings come up we instantly distance ourselves from them. We bury them, because we don’t want to be labelled as ‘angry’. If we start to listen and deal with those untouchable emotions, they will occur less and less. Sort out those issues that you have been putting off or are too scary to deal with. You can start to diminish the impact of those untouchable emotions are having on your life. Feeling emotional: How to deal with it If we do not deal with those emotions, we don’t know what’s wrong, and cannot we fix it. So, to change your life, look at those buried emotions. Learn to use them, and don’t run from them. They are trying to tell us something. Listen to what they are saying. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/gW8QFxyUpZw 2016-09-07T19:22:44.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/anger-and-rage-video 2016-08-31T21:51:40.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/mQFY3W2hpU8/hqdefault.jpg WHY AM I ANGRY? ANGER & RAGE We all have flashes of anger and rage throughout the day. I could be that someone cuts you up while driving, your boss shouted at you at work or a partner didn’t do the washing up. You may think anger and rage are the same emotion but actually quite different. What is the difference? Anger Anger is a constructive emotion, telling you that something isn’t right and that you need to change or confront an area of your life that you are not happy with. It may be the way you have been treated by a friend or family member or being unhappy at work. Anger is a positive, controlled and life-affirming response to a situation, both emotionally and cognitively led. It allows you to assert yourself whilst establishing what you need and wants in that moment. Rage On the other hand, rage is an unyielding, explosive and uncontrollable response to a situation. Rage can come from always putting others needs before our own. Pushing ourselves to one side because, maybe, we don’t feel worthy of putting ourselves first. Rage is all the emotion, suppressed and built up inside of us, whether that is anger, frustration or sadness that we have been harbouring for however long. This feeling is something we have been holding onto, unable to dispel safely, exploding out of us in the blink of a moment. It does not respond to any emotional or cognitive response. It needs to be heard there and then, which is why many run from it. We know that if rage is solicited we will lose control in that moment. Rage seems scary then, not just in regards to being the recipient of rage, but also in feeling our own. How to control Rage If we acted on the emotions we have been burying for so long (such as anger), maybe we wouldn’t need to be rageful to show others how we feel. Try listening to your suppressed emotions rather than burying them, think about how you can relieve your anger. What is that voice trying to tell you? Look at and dispel those untouchable emotions so you can control them, using them to e... https://www.youtube.com/embed/mQFY3W2hpU8 2016-08-31T21:51:40.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/why-am-i-overeating 2016-08-24T09:00:14.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/_-6oRd74kZ8/hqdefault.jpg Why am I overeating? How often do you feel too full after eating? How often do you go to a restaurant and order too much food, or cook too much and keep eating until it’s all gone? Do you open a packet of biscuits and eat them all? These are all signs of overeating – and most of us have been there. We have to eat, but what do we gain from overeating, or binging on sugary snacks, even when we know we’ll feel guilty for doing it? For some of us, when we’ve eaten a big meal, or way more than we were expecting to eat, we look at ourselves in the mirror and feel upset and worried about gaining weight. Feeling full can be satisfying in the moment. It can feel comforting and safe. You don’t need to think about anything else at that moment, you can focus on resting and tell yourself that you ‘couldn’t possibly do anything else while you feel this full!’ Overeating: comfort, or addiction? That comfort may be allowing you to distance yourself from your problems; almost like an addiction. At that moment you are focusing on the positive feelings surrounding food. Whether that be ordering from your favourite takeaway or cooking up a feast. Then, after eating you rest enjoy that satisfed feeling. It is then easier to distance yourself from problems that may be too hard to bear at that present time. Overeating gives you distance from other areas of your life that you might not be happy about. How to stop  Think about your relationship with food.  What is that overeating feeling giving you? What is it allowing you to distance yourself or hide from? When you are able to realise what you are hiding from, you will then be able to start looking at ways to deal with any issues that are related to overeating. Thus, eliminating the need to overeat and hide away.   Is there another way for you to feel secure without overeating? https://www.youtube.com/embed/_-6oRd74kZ8 2016-08-24T09:00:14.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/quick-tips-to-happy 2016-08-17T11:07:15.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/mFudx1z4iWA/hqdefault.jpg Quick tips to be happy Everyone’s happiness is individual, and nothing should be more important than your own happiness. What will make you happy? Some say, ‘money.’ I f I were rich I would be happy and all my problems would be gone.? I would respond with, ‘what would you do with your money?’ ‘Buy a huge house!; – they may say ‘Why would you buy a house?’ ‘Well, I would have somewhere to live, I wouldn’t need to pay rent, I would have enough money to pay the bills, and still buy everything I want.’ It seems then, it is not the money then that would bring you happiness, but rather the luxury and safety that the money would bring. So in this instance, you would have the safety of not having to pay rent, whilst also having the luxury of being able to afford whatever you want, and without having to worry about money for bills. If we focus on the money then we are masking what would actually make us happy. Without knowing the root cause of our happiness, how would we ever work towards getting to it? Think to yourself, if you had all the money in the world, what would you do? How would you feel? Because this might be the answer to what will really bring you ultimate happiness. Take control of your happiness and take control of your life so you don’t need to win the lottery to be happy. The first step to happiness is finding what you really want. Then we can work out how to get there. Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/mFudx1z4iWA 2016-08-17T11:07:15.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/addiction-causes 2016-08-10T15:03:51.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/E4SUgdIaQaQ/hqdefault.jpg Addiction causes: What’s behind them? What is it about an action or a substance that keeps us coming back to it?  Some people can use drugs recreationally and not get addicted, but for others that’s not the case. Instead, they think about them all the time. It takes a hold of their lives. Here, I’m going to take a look at some addiction causes and steps to take to overcome it .  Let’s take alcohol for example. Some of us might drink socially to begin with – having a couple of drinks with  friends or during celebrations or at special occasions. But for others, it starts to become habitual. Something we start needing to be happy. We might start making excuses to have a ‘quick drink’ or a ‘treat’ after work. Or, on the flip side, if something bad happens, we might say jokily that ‘we need a drink’ to wind down after a hard day. Gradually, this could turn into 3 or 4 drinks every night, if not more. And at this point, we no longer need to make excuses to pop to the pub. It becomes a part of our life and identity.  Addiction causes: A look at why we become addicted The past plays a big part in how we live our lives. Everything from big life events and bereavement, to being bullied and  the way our parents treated us growing up, shape how we live in the world. The use of our addiction allows us to hide from the pain and traumas of the past. It’s a coping strategy that helps us in one regard but hinders us in another. Our addictions can start having an impact, on not only us, but the people around us. This can lead to a change in personality, which can lead to us having fights with friends, relationships breaking down or missing our on work opportunities. W hen things like this start changing, it becomes detrimental to our lives. This, in turn, exacerbates the symptoms and the need for a drink (or any other addiction). The substance, or action helps to minimise  our negative emotions instead of dealing with them head-on. Imagine for a moment not having to run from the pain that alcohol masks so well. A life... https://www.youtube.com/embed/E4SUgdIaQaQ 2016-08-10T15:03:51.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/what-are-your-anxious-feelings-trying-to-t 2016-08-03T08:30:37.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/TWmBlzG3jls/hqdefault.jpg 'WHY AM I SO ANXIOUS? We are taught to run from our anxious feelings, so that we can remain feeling safe and comfortable. But there’s a flip side. Anxiety We all feel anxious, but those feelings might be trying to tell you something.  Anxiety, like all of our feelings, has a place and a function in our lives. If we were to listen to it, what would it say? Most of us see it as purely a negative experience, but what many of us don’t know is that  our anxiety is trying to save us from pain. If we think back to being a child, that pain could have been related to a physical experience – a parent telling you not to ride our bike too fast in the park in case you fall off and graze your knee, for example. But now, the pain we sometimes feel is more emotional – and one of embarrassment and shame. Sometimes, we jump the gun a little and we imagine ourselves in situations that ‘might’ happen – and out anxious thoughts start to spiral based on a perceived result of our actions.  Sometimes, we need to take a step back and ask ourselves if the cause of our anxiety is bases on a truth or a perceived truth– that we’ve created in our heads before it has the chance to happen.  Often, we make up these situations to stop any risk of that emotional pain being ensued. Outdated emotional response Is that anxious feeling now outdated? Does it serve a positive function in our lives, or is it holding us back from asking for what we want, and truly living the way we want to? Does feeling anxious stop you by: Not allowing you from acting the way you would like to? Stopping you from reaching your full potential in case you fail? Holding you back from from trying something that’s out of your comfort zone? In actuality, what could happen? You won’t get kicked out of a restaurant for not knowing the difference between your Pinot Noirs and Merlots, yet some of us won’t ask for the wine list, just in case. Anxiety has a place, after all it’s part of our fight and flight response – and can sometimes protect us, but may... https://www.youtube.com/embed/TWmBlzG3jls 2016-08-03T08:30:37.000Z https://www.therapyin.london/blog/lets-talk-about-it 2016-06-29T13:16:22.000Z https://i.ytimg.com/vi/XrkMvfqaSCU/hqdefault.jpg Let’s talk about it In life, we are expected to be great all of the time. But sometimes we just need to talk about it if something is playing on our minds. There is no room for unexpected feelings to get in the way. The famous phrase ‘Keep calm & carry on’ exemplifies that fact. Just keep pushing through until everything is ‘fine’. What cost is there, however, to not talking through our problems? I see time and time again client’s living with their past issues, allowing them to dictate the way they live, act, think and feel. It’s brave to talk about it We see it as virtuous and brave to keep it to ourselves when in fact it is the braver person who speaks out to others about their problems which indeed stops their issues dictating their lives. How long do you want to pretend for? We create ways of being with others and ourselves which negate the need to confront our mental and emotional anguish. Do you avoid going to places or doing things that you are scared of, even though a part of you would like to give it a try? Imagine a world where you could do everything you only ever dreamt of doing? You have the power to be that person and live out your dreams. Why not be that more confident and braver you? Get what you want and not allow those issues to dictate who you are. Ask for what you wan t, and talk about it. And ultimately, get what you want! Therapy in London https://www.youtube.com/embed/XrkMvfqaSCU 2016-06-29T13:16:22.000Z