You have been taught to say sorry when you do something wrong, yet so many say sorry even when you have done nothing wrong.
You may not realise that saying sorry when you have done nothing wrong makes you look weak and has a negative impact on your personal and professional life.
After time, you can start saying sorry for anything that makes you different and special from anyone else.
Why do you feel the need to apologise? When there is a difference of opinion there is an element of tension elicited, to break that tension you say sorry. Sorry intends to make everything better, but it has an effect on how others see you and how you see yourself.
Others see you as weak or you see yourself as beneath them. Their opinion or point of view is not correct and you are wrong for thinking or feeling the way you do.
Why is it up to you to say sorry?
Are you not allowed to have your own opinion?
It’s not your fault that someone else walked into you, yet you feel the need to apologise to the other person because they have walked into you.
What about your happiness? Why aren’t people apologising to you for having a different opinion or upsetting you?
It is because saying sorry has become a part of your identity. People are so used to putting themselves before you that they think that their wants, their needs and their happiness is more important than yours.
Having thought about this, how do you feel?
So to begin to change that:
- The first step is to eradicate ‘sorry’ from your vocabulary. It’s a big step but this will help you to come up with new ways to relate to people in the long run.
- Saying sorry is an automatic response to that feeling mentioned in Step 1. Step 2 is to think about what you could say instead of sorry.
For example, you might say:
‘We have a different opinion on the subject’
‘Is everything Ok?’ ‘You seem angry.’
‘Why don’t we agree to disagree?’
- Learn to recognise the tension. In the instance when you would usually say sorry, notice how you feel as this is compelling you to apologise. By feeling it you will know what triggers you to say sorry.
Take back some of the power rather than ending the conversation by saying sorry and allowing them to assume that they are right and you are wrong.
This can allow you to take back some power within your relationships and after a while, you will notice that you won’t feel the need to say sorry. Your confidence and self-esteem will shine through.
Saying sorry is a crutch. It helps to diffuse the tension and make sure that others are happy, but at what expense? Your happiness, your self-esteem and your confidence.