anger - Therapy in London


This week I want to explain how to use anger to aid you in your life.

Accept Anger

The first thing you need to realise is that just like all of your other feelings, anger is trying to tell you something.

So, firstly you must accept anger as a feeling there to show you something wrong in your life.

Unfortunately, as soon as you feel angry two things can happen.

The first is that you try and distance yourself from the anger and suppress it in the hope that it will disappear.

The second is that you can start shouting and screaming at someone else.

It might feel like this will help, but really it makes people distance themselves from you and at the same time, you are not getting to the crux of what you need to resolve.

Create Distance

Next, you must learn how to distance yourself from anger.

What I have found helps is slow, deep breaths whilst counting to 5. It sounds simple, yet when you feel the anger begin to grow, it can be hard to remember. But the more you try, the easier it will become.

The message

You now must start understanding what the anger is trying to tell you.

You have been running from anger for so long, what you are really angry about has nothing to do with the there and now, but rather something from a long time ago.

When you feel that anger coming up – for example, if someone is talking over you – notice the anger. Count to 5 but then think, if that feeling had a message what would it be trying to tell you?

In this instance, it could be that you want to be heard and that you hadn’t finished what you were saying.


Once you know what the emotion is trying to tell you – act on it.

So, using the same example, when the person has stopped talking, finish what you wanted to say or ask that person not to interrupt you again.

It might seem anxiety-provoking to say this, but without telling them how you feel nothing will change and you will keep on getting angry.

Banish Anger Forever

The final step to help you banish anger forever is to try and chart where the anger comes from.

This step can help you with not just anger but any emotion, such as jealousy, sadness, anxiety.

By continually distancing yourself and suppressing your feelings, they live inside you until something else comes up. You then use the emotional energy from your past to add the situation you are in presently.

Origins of the feelings

Think back to when you first felt that feeling, and what it was trying to tell you?

If it had a message what would that message be? Because that is why you feel angry in other areas of your life. That initial anger wasn’t dealt with, so anything related coming up now reminds you of that situation.

You feel anger not only for that situation but for the event that you never managed to sort out.

Therapy in London