If you are sitting at home after working from home this past year, wondering why you are noticing new ticks and traits in your partner that you never noticed before, then you are not alone.
You have been working from home, after butting heads, you and your partner eventually came to the decision that one of you would use the dining table as their workspace and the other would use the bedroom.
You see each other for watercooler talk more than you ever thought you would and you’ve even thought from time to time ‘How do people work with this person?’
Or even worse, one of you has been thriving at work during the pandemic and the other sadly had to deal with furlough or redundancy and is struggling to A. Find the motivation they once had and B. Find happiness and gratitude for your partner for getting through this so well.
Either scenario is a valid one and this pandemic has hit everyone hard in the relationship department.
I want to put it out there that there is never an invalid excuse to resent your partner during these crazy times.
You may have made a commitment to this person, and love them for all they are, but the crux of it is – we were never meant to spend this much time with our partners.
We look for different types of partnerships in our lives and this means we’re looking for different attributes to complement different situations.
A romantic relationship
A loving relationship builds itself on being your true self and that includes love, understanding and balance.
This is a contrast from:
A working relationship.
Built on ambition, ruthlessness, drive and focus.
Sometimes, these two personas work and meld. However, by spending more time with your romantic partner – as much as you would with your work partner – you take notice of things that would be a disturbance in any professional relationship.
For instance, talking about your plans, successes and issues at the end of a long hard day can feel rewarding, comforting and a great way to secure your bond with your partner.
If a colleague was doing this in the office constantly, it would be seen as a disturbance.
With you and your partner at home, this is happening more often than not and you’re seeing them as more of a ‘distracting colleague’.
Let’s instead start rebuilding what there was and can be.
You may feel like this is a difficult time for both of you and worrying that you are even seeing these new attributes – but this is completely normal and it’s happening to everyone.
What we need to do instead is take into account the person you saw before lockdown. How can you reach that point again? And how can you use it to strengthen your relationship?
Importantly, what has changed since then, and rather than try to ignore it, address those issues and work through them.
Remember that the love that was there is still there today, you’re just learning a whole lot more about them and that just means further to grow as a couple.