Is a Bad Relationship Worse Than Being Single?

Yes, in most cases, because research shows it’s the quality of a relationship, not the fact of having one, that decides how settled and happy someone feels, so a bad relationship can leave you worse off than staying single, whether you end up there by choice or by circumstance.

Why does a bad relationship hurt more than being alone?

Picture two divorced mothers, two years past the split. One meets someone genuinely good for her. The other settles, just to not be alone. A 2016 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family tracked mothers over that exact window: those who moved into low quality relationships ended up with lower wellbeing than the ones who stayed single, while mothers who found high quality relationships saw a genuine boost (Langlais, Anderson and Greene, 2016, DOI: 10.1111/jomf.12319). Worth flagging, this sample was post-divorce mothers specifically, so treat it as illustrative rather than universal. Still, it echoes something I see constantly in the room. Clients stay in something mediocre because leaving feels scarier than staying.

Does being single damage your wellbeing on its own?

Not automatically, no, and this one surprised me a little. Researchers publishing in the Journal of Personality in 2024 split single adults into two separate samples and found four distinct psychological profiles among them: secure, anxious, avoidant and fearful-avoidant, mirroring the attachment styles seen inside partnered relationships (Pepping, Girme, Cronin and MacDonald, 2024, DOI: 10.1111/jopy.12929). Wellbeing tracked attachment security far more closely than it tracked the plain fact of being unpartnered. Secure singles were doing fine. Anxious and avoidant singles, less so, and not because nobody wanted them. These numbers cut against a common assumption, that being single is something to be rescued from by whoever comes along next.

Relationship quality predicts health better than relationship status

Adamczyk, Barr and Segrin took a different approach: they followed young adults in Poland and the US across three survey waves, a year apart each, and compared relationship status directly against relationship satisfaction as predictors of health (2021, Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, DOI: 10.1111/aphw.12248). Relationship quality predicted health far more consistently than status did. Simply being partnered helped a little, mostly as a one-off snapshot. Being satisfied, whether with the relationship or with being single, mattered more, and it held up over time. It’s the relationship itself doing the work here, not the fact of having one at all.

How do you know if your relationship has become the problem?

Start with a plain question: does this relationship make you feel more like yourself, or less? Comfort isn’t the same as connection. Naming the actual pattern, rather than the general unease, is usually the first useful step. Not "we’re going through a rough patch" but "I feel smaller after most conversations with him" or "I’ve stopped bringing up things that matter, it’s not worth the fight." If what you’re describing looks more like control, fear, or walking on eggshells, that’s a different situation, and it’s worth looking at abuse support specifically.

What helps, whether you stay, leave, or stay single

None of this is about rushing anyone toward a decision. Whether you stay and work on it, leave, or settle into being single, the useful move is the same. Get honest about what the relationship, or the absence of one, is giving you, rather than what it’s protecting you from feeling. A personal counsellor can help with that honesty when it’s hard to reach alone, and where a partner is involved and willing, couple counselling is often where that work happens together.

Related reading

• Toxic relationships: How easy is it to leave them?
• What's Your Attachment Style? Find Out How It Shapes Your Relationships
• Low Self Esteem support

Have you ever mistaken comfort for connection?

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